YEs, I'm asking questions again. I seem to come up with some very intersting ones, I think at least. I have so many thoughts and feelings running through my head right now. Its hard to even put them down. I know deep down inside that it will not work out with my H. I know this to be true.WE want completely different things out of life now. I want to have a H, family and he just doesn't. We have 4 kids but we don't have a family. Its hard to descibe it. My h still lives in his selfish world irregardless of our kids and what they need. Its so bizarre. I am so mad at myself because I should have seen it coming. I mean what was I thinking 14 years ago??? How could I change a partyer and a player into a husband and a dad?? It just isn't possible. I'm crying right now because it just hurts so damn much. How could I have been so blind, so stupid to think I had what it took to make him into something he's not. We went out last night to listen to a band play. They were very good, but my H got really really buzzed. I liked teh band but I thought to myself, this is not what I want my life to be. I don't want to live with a partyer or a player. I've actually been crying on and off the last 4 days because I know who my H is inside. Where the rubber meets the road so to speak. When you have s#x with someone, more happens then just the act itself. You get a glimpse into their soul. My H soul had bothered me all year long. even during and after his A, but even in the last month. I know this may sound strange to you all, but I felt and very icky feeling with him while were having s#x. You see, my H was a hard player before we met. He basically slept with whoever he could find. ANd right now I've got that sense about him. It creeps me out to say the least. I've thought about it for a long time. It doesn't matter how good I'm in bed, how nice I am or if I try to meet all his EN's, the way he likes them. i could be perfect and the man will still cheat on me.So now I'm faced with a decision. I have to move out by myself and get away from him. Deep down I've known this about him but really didn't want to admit to myself. Its just that some people are cheaters by nature and I really believe my H is one of them. Its what I feel about him deep inside. I've felt this way for 14 years but I ignored it and stuffed it way down. I think the man would be content to just see his kids every other week-end and do what he wanted without me asking him anything. So, i'm going to let the man go. Let him have the life that he seems to want so badly. Freedom as he calls it. I ddi however get the best part of him, I have the best 4 kids i could ever want. They are the only reason I've made it so far in all this mess. i love them with all of my heart. Paytonrose

I am glad you wrote this post. I am you, 14 years ago. I have a wonderful h who is great company at the bar, on vacation and at a party. He's great at home too, he treats me like he really cares about me.<P>But I know, and have know all 5 years that we've been married that he will cheat on me. I never told him that - but I have always felt that way. I guess, I keep hoping I am wrong. But I know I am not. <P>Just after our 3 year anniversary he called my brothers wife and invited her over for an afternoon romp while I was at work (she didn't go). My entire family found out though and I have been living with those wounds and they won't heal. <P>To make matters worse, now he is in the middle of an EA, maybe PA. He won't stop contact with this OW saying they are only friends. Everyone around me tells me I should leave, including his own brother.<P>Plan A has been helping me. I know I am a good wife. I know that someone else would adore me and never hurt me like this. My confidence in myself is high.<P>But I see this from his side too, and know he isn't all bad either - not really rotten at the core (which I sometimes think too). Just not in love with me and not able to commit to me. It's like he's not ready to make the commitment he signed up for. <P>So why are we married. Should I just let go and forget Plan B altogether. He says it has nothing to do with this OW - then what good is Plan B? Why not write a Plan B that says either commit to making this "our goal", or I am gone. Maybe that's what I need to do. <P>I'm happy your children bring you so much happiness. I am afraid now to even consider having children with my husband. I will be 32 in 2 months. I want children, but not with my husband. I need to leave him. <P>Good luck.

PnR<BR>Woo, my thoughts exactly. I was going to post something similar and decided to read to catch up. You have described my H in every way. I've been away from him for over a month and as soon as I stepped a foot in this house I slapped myself for coming back. <P>I have just come to the conclusion that the best thing for me and my D is to be as far from my H as possible. Right now I am so fed up with him I could slap him. I am trying not to LB and continue to Plan A, but he makes every minute with him a struggle. <P>I couldn't help myself today. I had to throw seperation out there. I said I wanted to leave and you know what he told me? He says that I am too afraid to leave and I wouldn't know what to do if I left. I held my tongue, but I wanted to bust his bubble and bring him back down to earth so bad. I had to laugh it off or go balistic on his a**. My goodness. Who is this person? How did I get through 10 years of this person I don't even know? <P>Anyways, I have just know that my H is not ready to be M. I know that I don't want to be M to him in his present state of mind. I care for him, but he makes it so hard for me to love him. I can't even say those words to him if I think about it. I think I say them out of habit or reflex or something. <P>I know this sounds so negative but bare with me. Are we wrong for feeling the way we do? What else can we do? Do we stay and wait for them to come around and continue to take their sh**? Do we continue to put our lives on hold for this person who just doesn't seem to want to be M when we do? Tell me something I don't know. <P>The only other question I have is...when we do call it quits, do we wait for them to come around still or move on with our lives? I ask myself this all the time. My H and I have discussed this and agree that being together is not in our best interest right now. He makes it a point to tell me he will still come see me and "be my H". I asked him if he expected me to wait for him while he quences his thirst for freedom. He said yes. <P>So, we take the time for him to find what he is looking for. What if he finds yet again, another W? Being my H is a compulsive cheater, I know better. I even asked him what he were to do if I've moved on. He said, I won't do that. The confidence this man has. I think that maybe sometimes he doesn't really care cause he will have gotten what he wanted, which is the freedom to do as he pleases with whom he pleases. I would love to give him the benefit of the doubt, but look where it got me. <P>Hmmm....I wish I could see into the future <P><BR>At the end of the day---Please do all you can to make it work before you make any life changing decisions though. Talk to him with straight up honesty. It is only fair he knows how you are feeling. Give him the chance to "fix it" and try to meet your ENs. So, in the end, if seperation does happen, atleast you know you've done all you can. Hang in there a little while longer.<P>Goodluck PnR,<BR>Clouds