Today was a little hectic daughters had games and I had to work concession stand. needed to be at the field by 10:00 this morning. The important thing is my father seems to be doing a little better. They are keeping him for a few days and waiting to hear from his doctor in N.Y. tomorrow. He is also diabetic and anemic. The doctor taking care of him now says his anemia is very borderline if it gets any lower he will surely need a blood transfusion. Told H today that I can no longer wait for him to make up his mind without putting some kind of effort forth. He still refuses to seek counseling. Says he is happy where he is right now. Told him that we are not a family at his convenience. Friday night he came by to see the kids and after he left my 11yr. old D said why do you let him come over? I questioned her as to why,her reply was daddy tries to act like a daddy but he's not anymore. I felt really bad for her and told h what she said and told him I thought he needed to talk to her alone. Yesterday before my father was stricken he came by to get the kids to take them to the mall he ask if I wanted to go along and I said no I have things to do he ask agains they were out the door he said last chance again I declined. When I got the phone call about my father I called him on his cell and they were just leaving the mall I told him what was going on and that I would be at my parents he came right over. He's there in a crisis but not there to completely support me emotionally. We hugged and kissed. I just don't understand. I have no more patience. Today one of my friends said that God will not give me more than I can handle and maybe this is happening because there is something better coming in my life and I am stronger than I think. I do believe that God will not give me more than I can handle and I know I am stronger than I think because I've got this far and I know I didn't make it here alone that he has always been here with me. Yesterday was 6mos. and I have decided to try to do a modified Plan B I know that this will not be easy. When I say modified I mean I need to set some boundaries. He comes by or calls everyday on the weekends he likes to hang out with us but he does not see the change in me because he is not here long enough. His visits during the week usually are 30 min. I think he really needs to see what it would be like to not have his family. I don't know of any couple who are separated that have this type of arrangement. i think I have allowed him to have the best of both worlds for to long. I don't feel sad or emotional about this decision because I feel like 3 mos. has now turned into 6, next it will be 1yr. I'm sorry I know some of you may disagree or feel as though I haven't been in plan A long enough but I know I have to do this in order for me to move on.I feel as though I have been just existing and I need to start living again for me and my kids. If he decides he wants to try to work on the M I will be here but I can't be a doormat or a convenience any longer. I know I deserve more and so do my kids. Sorry this is so long. <BR>prayers to all.

<<Cybil>>>><P>I don't really have any words of advice. Do what you feel you need to do.<P>Just remember that you can't force your H to feel, that is his job. <P>If you seperate to "get back at him", or "make him feel what it would be like", then it will backfire on you. If you must seperate, do it for yourself, because you can't take this life anymore. You need out, in order to do that though, you must be willing to REALLY give up H, and not just pretend to... It's tough.<P>Good luck<BR>HbH

Cybil...<P>I know this is hard...but the tone of your post is much stronger!!<P>I am glad you are seeing improvement of your father...<P>As for H...we cannot push...you'll notice that most of my posts are because I have pushed too hard...even unintentionally...these things are so like the rollercoaster we liken them too...you just have to strap yourself in and hang on...the trick is to make sure you strap is secure and strong...<P>You set the boundaries you need to set for you...<P>From your post I see a belief in God so I am going to recommend a book that helped me...<I>Secrets of the Vine</I> by Bruce Wilkinson. It's easy to find and should cost under $10.00.<P>Prayers and have a good week,<BR>Cali<P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I>

cybil-<P>I WAS the other couple with that type of relationship---H comes and goes as he pleases. Here, but not really trying. I know this will be a difficult time for you, but it will also help you to heal. I have a modified plan b going on, too.<P>I hope all goes well---I am praying for you, and just have FAITH that God wants the best for your life, and He will give it to you!<P>Hugs, Krystal<BR>

My STBX & I did that sort of seperation for 6 mths, it was good for my kids, plus I really needed all the help he give. My theory was that all the time he spent with us was less time with OW. I think it was working, then he moved back home when I told him that if we weren't going to work things out we needed to set boundaries. I wish I could tell you things worked out, the next 18 mths were hell, even including a 10 mth stay overseas that didn't break his ties to the OW.<P>We still do a lose set up. He lives 1 1/2 from us but when he visits during the wk, he comes in the house to visit YS. I do call him when I need him here at certain times, this my increase as I am soon going to have to start finding part time jobs around my class scheulds.<P>I have talked about setting harder boundaries but my OS (17)likes it as it is, he goes with his dad if he wants, YS (9) goes part of almost every wkend. Then dad is here 1 to 2 afternoon & evenings a wk. The only problem was when OW came to OS 1st ftball game, I was not happy. STBX knows this, think she forced her way there, she was not at YS flag ftball game this past wkend, if she had our civil cutsdoy would had been over. I am hoping OW will not make a return apperance at OS's games but he has been hurt & not played since 1st game.<P>I know this way is best for my sons for now, it is not always easy on me but my sons are more important and as much as I may not like admitting it they need their Dad, & they love him.<P>Btw I am not doing this to Plan A, my WS & I are over.<BR>He thought all of his problems were with me, they are not & I think he is finding that out but he loves the OW but he is discovering that she is not the answer to everything.<P>I don't think you can do a modified Plan B, it is either all or nothing from what I read but by going to the more traditional seperation & custody aggreements it might give your WS a taste of what life without ya'll might be like.

All I have to say is.......YOU GO GIRL!<P>I can tell by your post that you are stonger. <P>You do what is best for you and your children from now on. Quit worrying about your WH....he can take care of himself....and if he feels like he can't for some reason.....who's he gonna call???<P>I bet it will be you. )<P>Keep it up!