I am actually learning to rely on God, know that he will work things out and that I can't control my H. BUT that doesn't keep me from fretting and worrying. <P>Today I am having such concentration problems. Feel agitated all over...my poor work is suffering this week. Not sure why, I know what has to be done...and not done...and that to follow those steps and have faith is the ONLY way things could ever work out. But I still miss him, and I want to talk and share with him. I want to touch his hair and hear his voice and hug him and hold him tight. I want to hear his breathing. I want to hear his plans and dreams...I want him to be excited about something, he hasn't in so long. It's just been a long 6 weeks being separated, and a long 3+ weeks of not even seeing him. I just miss his face. Wish he missed me, but it doesn't seem so, unless he is hiding it all in (which he tends to do). Wish he wouldn't cut everyone off, guess he is doing that because he knows everyone thinks he is being hasty and not like himself...if he admits that, then he will feel like having to try, and he doesn't want that stress right now. Hope he finds some hope in our marriage and a desire to try soon.<P>I will last and endure, but I just want a nugget, just a glimmer of possibility...I know, wishful thinking from someone in the fog. Just blue today...and agitated, so I am bugging you guys alot with my posts today. I must read my wisdom religions book, it is pretty good and quite calming. An insight to theories of the soul.

Oh...do we all know where you are and have been there...<P>I remember a post that just begged people to give me hope...<P>Trust in God...He is your Hope...<P>Big Hugs to you,<P>Cali<P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I>

This is from my little daily devotional book called, "Good Morning, This is God!"<P>It says,<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>Grace can be defined as God's willingness to use His ability in your life to meet all your needs. <P>For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast. (Ephesians 2:8,9)<P>Every time you feel frustrated and confused, it is a sign you are out of grace and into works.<P>When you have a problem in your life that you do not know how to handle, what you need is not more figuring and reasoning, but more grace. If you can't see a solution to your problem, then you need the Lord to reveal it to you.<P>The more you worry and reason, the more you fret and strain and turn the problem over in your mind, the more unlikely you are to see the solution to it.<P>DO NOT FRUSTRATE THE GRACE OF GOD.<BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Cali- Thanks for your words....kinda sick, but it is always nice to know others are and have been where I am right now.<P>BINthereDUNthat- Thank you for that devotional entry. I have spent the past 2 months analyzing and fretting myself sick over this, and nothing has worked, I just get more confused. I have finally come to a point where I am letting go. Still Plan A, still loving, but trying to release my worry and frustration to God and allow him to work. Now the key is keeping myself calm and willing and loving until he can work, however he needs. That's the challenge, sure I can do it today, probably can do it for a few weeks, but once the holidays start and one of the people I love the most is away from me....that will be very hard. But as I am always reminded, I won't know how that is all going to turn out until I am there, don't fret it now. So I just express my worries to God, he knows them, he will be there for me no matter what is happening then..... I am still learning to so I have to explain and explain this to myself over and over again.

BJoanne<BR>{{{{{{{{{HUGS)))))))) to you today. I know what it feels like. I hate this roller coaster ride. At least you can come and vent. Wish things were going better for you. Wouldn't you just like to shake them? I never knew there was so much emotional pain out there. You are not alone. No wisdom from me except to try and keep busy and focus on other things. I couldn't do that last night though. Thought I was going nuts!!<BR>My thoughts are with you. Hang in there.<BR>Mikkey