I just picked up "What WOMEN want MEN to KNOW", BY Barbara De Angelis, Ph.D.<BR> It has really helped me to figure out what I am feeling and putting it into words. It also did such a good job at that that yesterday I had to write my feelings down and wrote H a 4-page letter. He hates long stuff!! Anyway, I cried the whole afternoon and my girls were with me and kept asking me what was wrong and if someone died. I wanted to say YES< part of my heart!!! But I didn't. I hope they never have to know the truth about this.<BR> Anyway, I told H in the letter that the two feelings that really came out were {1} Being De-valued, and [2} Feeling Unsafe. <BR> To know that my H thought next to nothing of me, to go and do this A really brought the pain forth again. Man I had a bad afternoon and then a headache from crying for the rest of the night. I quoted him on some of the really nasty stuff he said to me. Just getting it down on paper helped. I was hoping he would read it, but decided even if he didn't it had helped me to clarify what was going on with me.<BR> He did read some of it while in the shower, I don't know if he read it all, but we had the girls in the same room, so couldn't discuss it. <BR> My counselor said Monday that I have to do what I have to do to get over this and if that means asking him questions about the affair, he should be honest with me. The two biggest issues with me is him being honest and the loss of trust from me that has come about. I keep feeling that if he would be honest with me, even if it hurts, I can deal with that, and it would restore some trust.<BR> So I will probably ask him some details about the affair. I am worried sick over it, but the counselor says if I don't ask for me, then I would always assume the worst.<BR> I left to come home this afternoon and he will most likely come home tomorrow although at lunch he said they ran into a problem at the plant so I said "that translates as another day here?" He said probably, but not definitely.<BR> I hope maybe he and I can go to camp this weekend, just the two of us with no kids and get some discussion going. I also looked up her other book, "Secrets About Men Every Woman Should Know", but our library doesn't have it.<BR> I will probably buy this other book as it is so good. I told him I'd like for us to read it together along with SAA.<BR> I urge you all to read both of these books as they were so enlightening to me.<BR>Hope this helps someone.<BR>Mikkey<BR>