Hi everyone. I have some questions, and need advice----Any one and everyone is welcome to respond.<P>First of all, a lot of you know my story, but for those of you who don't: (quick version)<P>H had EA with OW from work. I suspected for a long time, but d-day was end of Jan. 2001. By then my H had quit his job, and we opened a business in another town 2 hrs from home. The kids and I were supposed to move there, but in May my H called saying that he did not want us moving there. (the OW lives in my town). Every weekend, except for a few, H has come home to be with us. We were getting along great until approx. 2 weeks ago. H had talked to OW, and he did a complete 180. He had quit talking to OW for about 3 1/2 weeks. When H came home the day after talking to OW, I could tell that something was amiss. He was just here----existing.......<P>Anyway, a week ago, I told H that I wanted more from him. I was tired of him being in control of my life. I told him that I was letting him go to do what makes him happy---H came home 2 days later, and apologized for hurting me and kids (H has never acknowledged that). He also said that he was reading SAA, and trying to get me "back in his head". I guess he meant get me back where OW has been for so long (know what I mean?). I also asked H to take the kids to his town for the weekend, so I could be by myself.<P>Anyway, yesterday H got upset with me---when are the kids coming? How am I supposed to get them there? A lot of questions he had for me. Then he said, "I know you have plans this weekend that you don't want me to know about." I said, " the only plan I have is to be by myself". You see, I have always wanted everyone here---Never wanted H to take kids with him, even though he has a few times. But I was always upset during those times. This time, I really mean it.<P>Last night, I asked H why he was so upset this afternoon, and he said that he didn't know , and didn't want to talk about it. <P>Anyway, to get to my questions......Why did he act so 'upset' with me...I had done nothing (really)? Why did he make the comment that I had "private" plans this weekend? What the heck is going on? I am really trying to move on without him. I thought that is what he wants. Am I reading too much into his reactions? BTW, my H also told me that he hadn't talked to OW, and wasn't going to.....I did NOT ask about her.<P>Anyone have any comments?? Advice? Opinions?<P>thanks, Krystal

Hi Faithnhim, it seems to me that H is not happy with the "new you" he is seeing. Before you were there waiting for him letting him control the situation now that you have decided to move on and let him know that you still want the M but will not tolerate the friendship or EA or whatever he chooses to call it means that he is going to have to make some decisions. Sounds like you are also making time for yourself and he doesn't understand that so he naturally assumes that you have some "secret plans". Let him think what he wants. It's a positive step on his part reading SAA. Continue doing exactly what you doing moving on wait see what happens try not to LB, I know that's a hard one. Good luck to you. Hang in there and keep us posted.<BR>C

Faith:<P>I suspect that your H is worried that you might just do something he would do or better put do something for YOURSELF.<P>My H has had 1 A after another, but the thought of me going out &b maybe getting any attention from the opposite sex drives him crazy.<P>I'm not sure what it's called, but obviously all these WS want to have their cake & eat it too. Most of them want to me married, but behave like singles. What goo for the goose is never good for the gander.<P>Go out, stay in, whatever you do he will be suspicious (maybe it's a good thing..means he cares)<P>Been there. Enjoy you peace you deserve it.<P>((hugs))

I agree with cybil....sounds like you are starting to take care of yourself...Let him wonder (secret plans) bubble bath...listen to some nice music...He seems to have noticed that maybe you are not going to be as accomodating to him as in the past...sounds like you are doing a positive thing for you...keep your faith...How old are your children...I know our stories have some simularities ( sp?) If you don't mind sharing....what is your H's and your ages?<BR>My H is 38 and I just turned 44 in Sept. We have 3 children, all boys, ages 14, 9, and 2. The reason I wondered about the children is how difficult it will be for him to care for them this weekend with Mommy not there......<BR>Dianne<P>------------------<BR>always-faith4us

Faith 4 us--<P>I am 36, H is 37, kids are 6,4 both daughters. You're welcome to email me @ krystalhw@aol.com----would love to talk---I need to talk to people who are going through the same things---Anyway, thanks for the response.<P>Louser-<P>I thought the same thing---doesn't want me going anywhere--<BR>I have no plans whatsoever, that is what makes this all the more humorous. I NEVER go anywhere w/out the kids, and I want to do something for myself---will probably end up going to a movie w/girlfriend or just hanging around. May go out to a club, but don't like the bar scene, too much. Just hang out with the girls (adult). Need a "mommy" break--Thanks for the hugs!!<P>Krystal

Why did your H get so upset with you? For exactly the reasons you've been given here. Because you're not letting him have his cake and eat it too.<P>My H was the same way. I actually asked him how he would feel if I were to start dating other men. No comment. Then I asked him, "do you want me to see other men?". "No" was his answer. ?????? what's up with that ?????? It ticked me off that it was okay for him to be off dating and screwing 3 other women, but the thought of me just dating was not allowed! Humpff!<P>I'm glad you're working out something where you can have some you time. It's much needed when you don't get that chance... and with such young babes. You really need the energy boost (but I'll bet you'll have trouble wondering what to do with your time too! grin).<P>I suppose your H is getting a much needed slap in the face on what it would be like should you two divorce. After all, you're not going to keep him from seeing his daughters, right? IMO, you should work out something like this on a regular basis. I say that, b/c that is one of the moves I did with my H that helped to turn him around and snap out of his fog.<P>Karen<BR>

Topie--<P>I agree with you.. This probably needs to be a permanent arrangement. It has been really difficult being by myself in the past months, but now I crave it. I haven't had any time alone, b/c I am a stay at home MOM. I worked p/t in the summer, but only for about 2 months. I have no family in town, so I don't go out without the kids, ever!!<P>My h just called---he has been upset with me for the past 2 days. I haven't done anything. I told him that, too. I told him that I did NOT make his decisions for him. So if he is regretting his decisions, then it is HIS fault. Stop pushing me away, cause it is working. He said he was having a difficult time not calling OW, but that he hasn't. He says that he isn't happy with anything in his life. He said: you call it depression, I don't know what I call it. Always the glass half empty with him---what a sad way to live!<P>Anyway, I am rambling, sorry. That is how I get when I get to talk to adults !!!! just get me started, and I can talk for hours! Thanks for the info and advice--<P>Krystal