Indy,
I'm writing back because I heard that you asked me to. DOn't know that there's much more to say to each other. <p>I was just trying to help you not make yourself have any more pain than she is putting you through.<p>I see by your last few posts that she is jerking your chain again, and you are falling for it. Just when you were starting to act strong. The "name" thing is a way for HER to keep you guessing, and upset, questioning, and longing for more from her. I know. I'm doing it to my H! I write him (he's the WS), and use my "pet" names for him. I hope this makes him miss me and think about me. I feel you W LIKES you to miss her, to think about her, to do stupid stuff and chase or follow her around. You should NOT be giving in to her little games right now. SOooo much good advice has been given to you.<p>I'm sorry I couldn't watch the History thing about the Marines. I was busy. I'm sure they'll run it again. Tell me when and I'll try to watch. <p>But, I don't need to watch a TV show to respect our Armed Forces. I love my country, and I never see a Veteran without thanking them for their sacrifice to our great nation and our freedom.<p>I'm not the one disrepecting the Corps, my friend.<p>Love and peace to you,
Lupo

Orchid,<p> I sent you a pretty long email today. I had a rough day at work today. After this long day I took the kids and my dad out to eat. It was ok. That isn't the worst part. My WS called again today before I got home asking where she could pick up the kids. I laid down with my daughter and slept for about an hour. She called three times in an hour. That's when I got up and went into work. I am tempted to call her just to hear her voice. I just need some help not to.<p> On your side. Has the OW called today? If so I am sorry for that. That must be frustrating.<p>Indy<p>[ November 08, 2001: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</p>

INDY INDY INDY
Don't call. Please. it won't be worth it to call her. k?<p>Be strong. Write her a letter. Talk to us.<p>Faith1

Faith,<p> I am here. There aren't to many people on the boards tonight. It is really hard not to do it. Did you get a chance to read my post concerning when she want to pick up the kids?<p>Indy

Faith,<p> I am leaving for the house. I will check in again in about 20 mins.<p>Indy

Indy,
Not sure which one. Tell me again.... your question about the kids being picked up [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Faith,<p> She seems to think that since she is gone she can control what time she picks up the kids. Don't I control when she does? She has to be able to sleep in now. I just can't believe it. Before she left she wasn't this way with the kids. My other question is how I should handle this. Should I tell her that I need her to pick them up at the time that I need her too? Or do I allow her to come and go has she sees fit?<p>Indy

Hi Indy,<p>Just saw your post. I will check my e-mail next. In regards to your W. Make a reasonable arrangement to pick up your kids. One that is fair to both. You don't need to go out of your way to meet her needs to drop off the kids. <p>So set the time and place. Then notify her. Isn't it this weekend? <p>Come on Indy, you are headed in the right direction. It will take some willpower but you can do it. <p>From the cheering section,
L.

Orchid,<p> Hi. It is good to hear from you. What do you mean when you say that I am heading into the right direction?<p>Indy

Hi, Indy!
I'm not sure what Orchid meant either. But I think you are doing fine. This stuff is hard to figure out I know. Try to step back when you can and look at the big picture. It's so easy to get caught up in the details.<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I think you are doing fine. Making good decisions, and feeling stronger. are you feeling stronger?<p>Faith1

Orchid and Faith,<p> She called again today. She left a message with my dad. She then called to remind me to call her tonight to tell her where she can pick up the kids. She said that I need to call her at work and that she would be there all night. She said to either page her or leave her a message. Which one should I do? Also, I would like to know what direction I am heading in? This is what I am thinking about saying.<p> I have things that I need to do tomorrow. You need to get the kids at 9:00 am. You need to have them back here by 9:00 pm.<p>Do you think that is unreasonable? It would also give me more control as well as let me be here in uniform when she drops them off.<p>Indy<p>[ November 09, 2001: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>
I have things that I need to do tomorrow. You need to get the kids at 9:00 am. You need to have them back here by 9:00 pm.<p>Ind</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Hi, Indy,
If you know a way to absolutely guarantee that you would only leave a message and NOT have to talk to her, I would leave a message.<p>It is SO hard when you talk to her....the resolve weakens. I know! I used to call my H's cell # just to get his vm! NOT to talk to him, I KNEW he wouldn't pick up and talk to me....hell, I wouldn't even leave a message, just wanted to hear his voice! Then he lost the phone due to not paying the bill.....I went 3 long months totally without contact, and not even being able to hear his voice.<p>ANyway, this is about your ? Leave her the message you posted here. Be sure to include where and when, all details. That way, there is no confusion, and yet another excuse for her to have to call you again. <p>As far as direction: Are you in Plan B? Did you send her a Plan B letter? If not, then Plan A. Ok, continue to be "friendly" whenever you have to talk to her....no Lb'ing! Just don't appear "needy, clingy, or desperate." You are doing well. HANG IN THERE!<p>God Bless,
Lupo<p>P.S. You need to start a new thread! This one is getting too long to negotiate through.<p>[ November 09, 2001: Message edited by: lupolady ]</p>

Indy,
IMO, I think your times sound fine.. 9-9. And I think you should leave her a message at work. I think avoiding talking to her right now is best.<p>And when you see her, be polite, confident, and brief. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>How does that sound?

Lupo and Faith,<p> You know it is almost funny. The message that she left. It is almost like she needs to talk to me. I don't know. I will leave the message in a few minutes. You are right. This post is way to long. I will post later.<p>Indy

[img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi Indy:<p>I don't know all of your story, only the pain and how you feel right now. I too felt much the same way several months ago, but with the help of Dr. Harley and his books and this forum along with a support system I was able to put into place, things are better. There are still good days and bad, but more good than bad. Also, get some anti-depressants to help you get back on an even keel. I resisted them too.......afraid that I would become dependent on them and I just have an aversion to taking meds anyway. They have helped me get up and go to work and be there for my children. I too wanted to go away and give my children to my WS to raise because I felt I was in the way. Not so. He left our home. HE made that choice. I couldn't control it anymore than you can control the choices your WS makes, but you can control your decisions and responses and if necessary, the meds can help you with that. It won't be forever.......just long enough to get through this. And YOU CAN DO IT!! Everyone here is so supportive........they pulled me back from the edge more than once and made me see that I'm not a terrible person or a failure and that my children needed me. And you're not a failure either.......keep hanging in there and delay any life altering decisions until you're less emotional..........you'll be glad you did. <p>Hugs and prayers. Keep posting and reading. Take care.<p>Jan

Lonelyheart,<p> Thanks for the support. I didn't expect to see this post come back to the front page. I had to retire it. I am now posting on a new one. It is titled Update.<p>Indy<p>[ November 13, 2001: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</p>