Okay....H and I split up for 9 mo, we decided to work things out. Heres the story I started having feelings for a guy at work, and before I would let it go further, I kicked H out. H wasnt showing ANY affection towards me. Well, to find out H had been having an affair for 3 months with a friend of his moms. They did it in our home, with our kids in bed asleep and with MY lingerie. Well, his mother has treated this girl a hell of alot better than she has treated me. I been with my H for 7 yrs and 6 yrs of marriage. We have two wonderful booys.<BR> So now i dont work where I used to and they guy lives in another town. The girl is STILL a family friend and lives next door to his mother. My Q is: Will I ever be able to trust him again? And has anyone else been in this situation? I really do love him but...I still havin problems with the TRUST.

Hi UL71,<P>How to rebuild the trust? Hm... good question, first off where is your H now? Is the A still going on? <P>The trust is a rebuilding process. It will not come back quickly. It will take efort on both parts. Have you and your H taken the emotional needs questionnaire. Are you familar with the concepts taught here by the Harley's? There are several helpful books, like his needs/your needs that may be helpful. Even though some of this stuff is common sense, when one partner is in the 'fog' it is difficult to reason with such a person. A great amount of patience is needed on behalf of the betrayed spouse. <P>Can the trust be rebuilt? yes. Will is in your situation? There are no guarantees. What you will learn here is how to cope. Share your feelings, frustrations and stories as you need. You will find many going through similar experiences. We can all learn from each other and remind each other of the principals learned here at MB. <P>If it is possible try to schedule a session with either Jennifer or Steve. They are excellent at helping either mate or both work on themselves and marriage recovery. <P>It is a long and hard road. You maybe closer to recovery than others who have been here longer. Either way, we wish you well on your journey. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by unloved71:<BR><STRONG>My Q is: Will I ever be able to trust him again? And has anyone else been in this situation? I really do love him but...I still havin problems with the TRUST.</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yes it is possible. If he CHANGES his ways and works to EARN your trust. It will take a long time and a lot of "proving" on his part.

To forgive and forget is very hard for the BS. I am the BS and my H of 23 years had a physical affair with the OW which this is her 2nd physical affair. <P>Working with Jennifer, she said the trust will not come back until the WS shows compassion, thoughtfulness, caring, and basically trying to meet the EN. My H is on the computer all the time, this is how he met the OW, and this is a LB big time. He doesn't see it as that, so he continues. I tell you it hurts like h*ll. <P>Also, it will take a long time. No time frame given, but I feel I have not moved forward with trust. Seems I am always cautious, and sort of like looking around the corner. <P>I have had repeated terrible dreams about H and OW having sex. Read the e-mails that were quite graphic, and cards were graphic. It has been going on for the last 3 nights, and I am getting tired of the same stupid dreams. I don't sleep well, and wake up to see if H is next to me in bed. The funny thing is in the dream, I kicked her in the butt, she was naked and made her fall on her nose. I am telling her everytime, I am going to take these to her H, Pictures of OW and my H naked doing their thing, and have him read the e-mails and etc. It is awful, but to say I hate the woman. <P>To forgive and forget, I don't know if I will ever forget. It is so strong in my head. Forgive will be there with the help of my H.

My ex-H had three somewhat physical (oral sex, kissing) affairs in 1987. We had a marriage renewal service in 1993, and I promise you, that was the first year that I TRULY began to trust my (then)H again. You NEVER forget, but you can learn to trust, IF they show you, by words and actions, that they can be trusted.

Each case varies and with varying degrees. Noone ever forgets. It's the forgiving that is hard. In time, it's possible. You have to forgive in order to move on. It is an everyday struggle, but if it's your choice, do it without hesitation and keep walking until the next hiccup, whatever that may be in your life. There is a cure for hiccups even though some just like to wait it out [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Thank you all for your replys! I am hoping to learn to trust again. I will keep my head up and my fingers crossed! God Bless you all! Again thank you, it is so nice to talk with people who been there or/and want to help.

Ohh! I forgot to answer your Questions..... The H is back at home as of 2 weeks ago and the A is over, I hope. We were separated 9 months and he tried getting me back about 2 months ago. Then I realized I still loved him, so we agreed to try at least one more time with this marriage. I do still love him too much to let him go and he says he loves me too. Hopefully we can both trust one another again. Thank you all! Lots of hugs!