Caught W with number 3 last night. Why can't I give her up??? How long before I say [censored] it???<P> jd

one can be a mistake, two means marriage should probably not be, three and you are out, no questions asked.<p>[ October 13, 2001: Message edited by: sad_n_lonely ]

I'd say as many OM as it takes for you to realize you've got a problem. Ask yourself why you want to continue to be treated like a doormat. Do you deserve this treatment? If not, then why do you continually allow it? [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

I don't like to be so negative cause MB is suppose to be amount saving marriages, but I stayed a little too long. I know now I should have gotten out after the 3rd, 10th, 20th, 30th, hmmmmmm...I wonder if there's more [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] I can joke about it now. Anyways, it's time to check yourself....out...Plan B. See how things go then. Maybe in time the M can continue, but not this way not now.

My friend you do what you have to do! I will be praying for you and I do understand your pain. You were the first person on this board to talk to me and thank you for that. I will support you any way I can. I don't know about you but the other night was the one that broke the camels back for me. I have been going through the hell of A's for 8 yrs and I hate to say it but it is time I bail out! It hurts to damn bad to stay where I am now. <BR>I have to heal myself and find someone that will treat me like I treat them. <BR>NO ONE DESERVES TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS! <BR>But you do what you think is right for you!<P><BR>Your friend<P>Steve [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

JD,<P>I deleted your e-mail address so I am going to be brave and give you my work number here.<P><BR>281.366.7189 anytime from noon to midnight. I am here for you bro. You can call me and I can call you back. Calls for me are free!<P><BR>Thinking about you....

((((jd)))))<BR>I'm sooooo sorry, jd! What an awful thing to have happen to you. <P>I really don't think it's a matter of "how many". My WS has been through 6 that he will admit to, many more nights to account for and I don't think I'll ever believe him anyway. That I even carry the IDEA of a reconcilliation around is amazing to me, and more often than not makes me feel like I'm settling. Nothing in the world has ever hurt this much or done more damage to my self-esteem. <P>I'll tell you why I've come back from the brink of D before. Will it help? Because we have 3 children together, because I will always love him in some small way, because he will always be in my life anyway. Because the marriage was so dyfunctional from the start that we never really even had a chance. Because at one time I did believe in him, believe we could have a great life together. Because at one time he had every intention of being a good, loving, faithful husband. He just had no idea what that meant or how to go about doing it and there was no one around to turn to for guidance. Because he just may be, MAY BE, on his way to a better life for himself. Do I go through of ten years of hard work, agony, despair, only to give up and let someone else reap the potential reward? <P>My fence sitting is all about whether or not my self esteem can handle being with someone who would so callously, so maliciously and thoughtlessly break my heart. But it's done. My heart is broken, beyond repair I think. Now I just have to figure out if there is any value in spending my life with the "new" him. It could be a comfortable, happy life. Not joyful, and certainly not the sharing it all marriage I'd always hoped for, but comfortable. It's a lot to weigh. <P>Snow

JD,<P>Wow, sorry to hear, I was hoping you were doing better. So this sounds like this is current, do you know to what extent? <P>I think you know where I stand on that, I would go to plan B. I know you would rather just go to D but I think you should give it that last ditch effort, you never know, and if you skip plan B you may always question what could have been, would she have come around. Just my thoughts. <P>Hang in there, we'll be pullin for ya. <P>Eric

[[[[[Hugs]]]]] JD.<P>Remember not to make a decision in the heat of the emotion. You have to be calm and clear headed.<P>What does 'caught' mean? What was the extent of the A? I am praying that you didn't walk in on them because I can only imagine how devastating that would be. <P>Don't go into plan B as a punishment, but rather as a saving plan for you. If your at the end of your rope (and it has sounded like you were close before this) then, calmly, rationally do your plan B...with no LB's.<P>I am sad for you.<P>Cali

Thanks Everyone,<P> Ok, last night we had planned to go do some things together. I went to get her and she was not home. Kids said she had walked off somewhere. I told my 19 year old daughter to get in moms car and go look for her. I went in the truck. Could not find her. <P> I went back to her house and arrived just as daughter pulled up. Daughter said she was at this guys house(who also happens to be her boss). Daughter said she went up and knocked and told mom to come home. Mom would not, so daughter decides to tell me. Apparently W has been going over there a lot, and children knew it.<P> Went to OM house. Sat in front and honked the horn. W would not come out, house was dark. Went to get D to make sure I was at the right house. Just as I turned in at OMs they were pulling out. <P> I stopped them and asked W to come get in my truck, she would not. Said OM was taking her home. I followed, OM left, I went in blew up at W. Told her we were through. She swears they were doing nothing. <P> Told her ok, then tomorrow I will call OM and talk to him myself. She said fine. This morning we went and looked at some tornado damage that happened near here on Tuesday.<P> On the way back I told her I was going to call OM and see what he had to say. She said to take her by her place so she could change.<BR>Asked me to wait outside. <P> We went to my house and I called OM. He said it was nothing, they are just friends, and besides we are seperated. I explained some things to him about why the seperation, and that so far as I knew we were working on the marriage. He said we are just friends. I say ok, no problem. W had went to get a coke while I was on phone.<P> After I got off the phone with OM, my daughter pulls up and tells me that W had called the OM from her house and told him what to say. <P> Soooo, while I have no real proof that they did anything, I feel there is enough evidence to believe she is in another A.<P> I cannot take any more of this. Told her so.<BR>Told her a lot of things. Tried to stay as calm as I could. She does not want a divorce. She wants me to be in the picture but allow her to do as she wishes. SCREW THAT.<P> I will give her a few days to decide on the DEMANDS I made of her. Yes, I said demands. I hope I am strong enough to divorce her [censored] if she trys any more fence sitting or waffling.<P> ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.<P> jd

Can't believe the crap you are putting up with! Let her go to the other man.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jdmac1:<BR><STRONG>Caught W with number 3 last night. Why can't I give her up??? How long before I say [censored] it???<P> jd</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Did you do plan A ? probably time for plan B then plan C (to look back no more). The only regret that I have now is that I did not walk out 5 years ago when I found OM. That same OM now resurfaced ...<P>Hadi

<B>OUCH, </B>talk about "in your face" humiliation. What I'm about to say is my very own personal opinion which counts for nothing, but here goes: Three times?????? You aren't positive about this third relationship but your intuition seems to point in the direction of another affair. Once...shame on her. Twice...shame on you. Thrice......YIKES! There is a definite need for professional help here. No doubt in my mind. <P>Good luck and best wishes in your quest for survival during these turbulent times.<p>[ October 14, 2001: Message edited by: GeezLouise ]

{{{{{{{JD}}}}}}}}<BR>Let us know how you're doing this morning. Give us an update on yourself, and if anything new has developed with your W. <P>Plan B will preserve your love, and spare you some pain. It is a trial divorce. It will make you feel like you are done with her - and done with letting her hurt you. It will make her realize what life will be like without YOU, and she will have to make a decision.<P>We're all here for you, no matter what happens.

I agree. It is high time for Plan B. She definitely has some form of caring love for you, and doesn't want to lose you. But she thinks that she can keep having her own fun, and still keep you. <P>She hasn't felt what it is like to lose you. I know that Plan B is supposed to be for you, not them, to preserve your love for them (what little seems to be left, I know) but I honestly feel that, in this case, it is time for her to take a good look at whether or not she really wants to give you up. <P>A rock solid Plan B with NO contact with you, will help her make that decision. And will help you maintain your sanity and feelings for her.

Thanks GM,<P> Unfortunatly I am just about to that point....And, I hate it. <P> jd

jdmac...<P>There are so many cliches here!! I know how you feel...but...<P>Three strikes and she's out!<BR>Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me...fool me a third time...it's over!!<BR>Time to fish of cut bait!<BR>Time to SH** or get off the pot!<P>I am not sure I could take what you have, but if I did, and this pattern continued, I don't think I would enable her any longer! I think it is time for a strong dose of Plan B, before she destroys what love you do have left for her! You did your best in Plan A to meet her EN, now it is time to Plan B for YOU!<P>I feel for you my friend!!<P>*Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.*<P>Trueheart

Dear jdmac1,<BR>It sounds like you have already reached your limit. I agree with trueheart... It's for your own good, not to punish your wife, but Plan B is to preserve your love for her that remains. I know you love your wife so much. God knows. God sees and knows. You hang in there and do Plan B for you. Sorry that the kids have to be tangled in all this mess. <<<<<HUGS & PRAYERS TO YOU>>>>>