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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 17
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 17 |
I need some help from those who have dealt with the fog but have a hard time keeping sunny skys. After a 5 year affair, I did a no contact letter and even told my wife, left and found a new job location. Its been 3 months since the no contact letter and the OW has severed all communication. Most days I am fine but many especially on the weekends i am longing for the high of the emotionally and sexually charged affair..that once was. I go into fantacy mode and know all I need to do is pick up the phone, e-mail or just get in my car. This does not seem to be fading. My wife is supportive and loves me after all of this mess, but I cant shake the fog. Somebody please help?
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 445
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Member
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 445 |
Gastonp,<P>After a 5 year affair, your emotions and senses are going to need time to re-adjust. This won't be easy for you.<P>Is there something you do which takes your mind off the OW? If so, why not try doing more of that? Or you could try just being around your W when these feelings or thoughts start re-occuring.Or, every time the thoughts arise, kick yourself in the shins [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]<P>take care,<P>- Freddy<P> [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 17
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 17 |
Ive kicked myself so many times my legs are black and blue. I know that if I see the OW ever again I will regress. I have been trying to avoid her at all costs but the memories just dont seem to fade.
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 2,909
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Member
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 2,909 |
Hi gastonp...<P>#1: Treat your wife like your lover. Do for her what you wish (or something similar) you could do with OW.<P>#2: Unfortunately it takes between 1 and 3 years to recover from an affair...you will likely feel this withdrawal for a few months yet. I believe the Harley's say 4-6 months for peak withdrawal?<P>#3: You're already doing...you seeking help! Use the MB forum like a AA sponsor to help you through the rough spots.<P>Good Luck!!<P>Cali
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 611
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Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 611 |
Have you read Torn Assunder? It gives a timeline thing that might help. Be honest with your spouse about these feelings, tell her you want them to go but you still feel.... this will help you to be accountable and less likely to pick up the phone, and spouse can help you with diversion.<BR>Do you and spouse have cell phones? check into text mail. It helped us a lot I could write H when I was feeling panic and he could reassure me, H could write when he felt vulnerable and I could write back encouragement.<BR>Good luck
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