OMG...<p>The guy I am attracted to is subbing today...I need you all to kick me in the XXX...tell me to avoid the lounge...<p>I AM not going to ask him to sub for me...I am to avoid him at all costs...<p>My heart did a triple take and when he shook my hand and told me how great it was to see me smile, I just about melted.<p>Okay...reality...he reminds me of my H when we met 16 years ago...he really does...looks and sounds just like him...<p>That's what I want right? My H with an easy smile and happy-to-see-me voice? God, it is so easy a trap to fall into, isn't it? <p>Your taker is right there, saying "I deserve this." "My ego deserves a little stroking."<p>What separates a BS from a WS? It can't be as simple as morals...can it? Why do some draw a line and stay behind it and others don't?<p>And if both OP and WS are in the same spot, does it make it just that much easier? One cannot do it alone, right? Both have to be willing...<p>I'm struggling with that right now...what pushed my H over the edge to believe being with her was worth the cost? HOW COULD HE GO THERE? <p>and don't worry, I won't. Well, maybe you should worry...Pray for me to be strong...I need you all.<p>C A L I<p>[ November 02, 2001: Message edited by: Calypso ]</p>

Cali, Cali, Cali ....<P>I know you won't go THERE. You know how I know that? Because then you'll be just like "Princess". [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <P>Lv,<BR>Jo<P>p.s. once you go there, you can never take it back.

Boy Resilient...<p>You knew JUST what to say...<p>I WILL NEVER BE LIKE PRINCESS!!!<p>C A L I<p>[ November 02, 2001: Message edited by: Calypso ]</p>

Cali, Be strong and put up all the defenses. If he is for you he will be there when you are done with plan B ...

lol .. sorry Cali, had to say it.<P>..... just remind yourself of that every time you start getting all hot and bothered over whats-his-face.<P>BTW ... you do understand why you're having these feelings, don't you? Your ENs have not been met in quite some time. Guard yourself Cali, protect your marriage.<P>Love,<BR>Jo

Yeah, I know...<p>I guess it's a good thing that my H was here during my lunchtime, eh? A little dose of reality...<p>I am a Queen, not a princess or an angel...I am a Queen, not a princess or an angel...I am a ...<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Smiles and thanks,
C A L I<p>[ November 02, 2001: Message edited by: Calypso ]</p>

Cali,<P>I am proud of you for NOT going there!! You DO NOT want to become a WS!! It ain't no fun!!! Besides, you are impeccable in your words and actions!! Your word and commitments mean something! <P>The line between WS and BS is as simple as making the decision. Don't overanalyze it! You are who you say you are!<P>YOU are a Queen, NOT a Princess!!<P>*Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.*<P>Trueheart

God was good yesterday...<p>I didn't see Mr. Sub again...<p>H called me all through the day [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>Thanks for your help.<p>C A L I<p>[ November 02, 2001: Message edited by: Calypso ]</p>

Have you ever heard the song "Guard Your Heart" sung by Steve Green? Excellent.<BR>Wish I could send it to you. Sends a powerful message. It makes me sad when I hear it because it reminds me that H never did that but I like it because whatever else there is, it reminds me that I am responsible for the consequenses of MY OWN actions.<BR>Mikkey

Cali,<P>Your H can come here anytime and SEE exactly what is going on. There is no air of mystery. He knows.<P>Your H knows when OM (the sub) is there or not and you broadcast what you feel.<P>You have disclosed that your H does not like MB and does not want you on it. Yet you continue to even say that when he is gone you get on - this is a LB. Your H knows all of this I surmise. <P>Your choice - you can continue on the same collision course or take care of stuff as you should. You can continue without using using the MB principles. FYI - I quit thinking about the OW. I quit bringing the situation up. Since I lived it for 18 months and I kept living it it was there.<P>All the MB books were suppose to teach you that you had to take responsibility. You are a school teacher. You should know teach it, show it, repeat it.<P>You are setting yourself up for failure because you keep dwelling on the fact that your H thought his A was worth it. <P>How many times are you going to run around the tree?<P>Me? I've moved on. I'm productive, too busy. too much to do.<P>I hope you someday realize. aftershock<BR> <P><BR> <P> [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

Point well take...after shock...<p>I'm having a hard time moving on...<p>He's home, but always says he doesn't want to be...<p>I suppose I have to look at his actions...maybe he's just really afraid...<p>that I won't change.
that he's done something unforgiveable.
that he can't forgive himself.<p>I know I really don't want hunky sub person...he's just what I remember my H used to be...like I said...smiling...glad-to-see-you-face...<p>I want my H to notice and appreciate me...I used to LB to get his attention...now I don't know what to do...<p>C A L I<p>[ November 02, 2001: Message edited by: Calypso ]</p>

Cali,<BR>You're pushing.<P>How long have you been at this now? MB only has 3 pages since the installation of the new server - so anyone here that is new is not going to be giving you on target advice. I know how long you've been at this. What about Vegas? Is any of this stuff any different, than when you began this journey on MB?<P>Take stock, write down, where you were, and what is changed. My guy advice to you, and Bintheredonethat just gave you about the same advice on your other post.<P>I'm going to give you some square in the eyes advice, and your H might see all this, as I said, he can easily lurk on your thoughts, and you are not giving any mystery - he knows. Leave him alone, give him some space, focus on something new. Quit dwell, dwell dwell, on MB stuff. I dropped MB almost cold turkey - realized how much time it was wasting in my day, and how much wasn't getting accomplished. A while back I quit talking about "her", quit sneaking any mention into anything. Every now and then I get a trigger, and I backslide a bit, but that is only human. But I don't mention "her", and the OW has gone away. Try it, just quit mentioning it - quit thinking about it, and you will be amazed how quickly your situation will improve.<P>I've been on here far too long today. It's only my time, and I know how valuable my time is now. I don't have the time to be here any longer, because I have too many projects that have to be completed, and my time needs to go into these projects, and moving forward - reading the books I'm interested in from the library, cooking, etc.<P>I had answered in another thread about what is going on, I don't think you've read it. Been in some chaos here, so I don't want to start anything. I remember the sh** that was going on for a while. It just seems that whenever I posted a question there would only be a couple of answers to the thread. I would offer support, and good advice. For a while there, no one was giving any support to Just Found Out new people, I went over to give support because no one else was. My sixth sense tells me there was some contest going on. To tell you the truth, I found my life more serene, more time to do what I wanted and needed to do. I really get irked sometimes when someone posts, and someone comes along who is absolutely clueless gives a lame comment - I don't have time to read all the stuff here. I don't even have time to read just the people who's stories I follow. I gave and gave support. Fell short coming back. Sometimes I just see a popularity contest. Since it hurts your feelings I decided to do my own plan B. Like I said - no (gun) fire. I just found a different place where they care, and give my energies there. aftershock

JustPlainCali,<P>your situation and my one have been very much alike. you are a strong person that has been a leader here for some time. thanks!<P>i try to remember: "two wrongs don't make a right"<P>your husband is calling you at work! that is progress! baby steps right. H is back at home [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] i remember some of your earlier posts and i see your situation improving. if you can take a step back and maybe review some of the posts i think you will also see that improvement.<P>i have also been in your situation. just cross the line (easy part) and step off into the type of hell i've seen my WS live in. i have to keep telling myself "baby steps". i don't want to rush it when we are so close to recovering the love for each other.<P>you have put alot of effort into you saving your marriage and it appears that all of your efforts are starting to bear fruit. one wrong turn now and it will be wasted.<P>be strong!<P><BR>"happiness is like a butterfly. the more you chase it, the more it will elude you. but if you turn your attention to other things, it comes softly and sits on your shoulder."

Thank you Positive!<p>Wanted you to know that today I was out of school for a conference...conference became a wash so I had breakfast with my boss (female) [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] ...then she freed me for the day...<p>I went to H's work and surprised him for lunch...he was busy so I chatted for a minute and ran an errand...<p>He called and apologized 'for being rude' for having to work when we could have lunched...<p>HE APOLOGIZED TO ME...I don't think he's EVER apologized to me...<p>So I ended up taking him some lunch and then he asked me for a favor. HE ASKED ME TO DO SOMETHING FOR HIM...<p>I drove home with such a BIG smile on my face...<p>Thanks all,
C A L I<p>[ November 02, 2001: Message edited by: Calypso ]</p>

GREAT NEWS, Cali!<P>You are not only meeting needs of his (Domestic Support), he is "ASKING" you to meet those needs. And he also feels empathy for you because he apologized, meaning he put himself in your place and felt what you felt ... so apologized.<P>At least that's how I see it.<P>Woooo Hooooo!<P>Jo<p>[ October 17, 2001: Message edited by: Resilient ]