This work is sooooooo hard!! I have been plan a-ing for the last three months, and doing INCREDIBLY well for the last six weeks or so. Hubby seems more content at home, and I know I'm becoming a better and better person. Which makes me proud of myself. I know plan a is for me, not to "win" him back from OW. So why am I so tired? I guess because I'm not getting what I want- a solid recommitment from him. Talking about "where" he is right now is a huge LB, so I am stuck here in the dark, not sure about anything. He says he loves me, we make all sorts of plans for the future, both short and long-term, but I still feel like the other shoe could drop at any moment. How long can I wait and wonder like this? I pray every day for the patience and perserverance to keep working this program, to be the best wife and mother I can, and I know that's the right thing to do. But it is so tiring, somedays I just feel like saying "to he** with it- go and let her take care of you, I'm too tired". <P>I don't post much at all (too busy plan a-ing my booty off), but my story is in "profiles" in "just found out". I do read often, and many days this site is the only thing that has kept me from just giving up.<P>I re-read this and cannot, for the life of me, know why I'm posting it. So many here are in so much pain, and I'm whining. Oh well, give me whatever you think I need, a pat on the back or a kick in the a$$- I'm honestly not sure which would do me the most good. Thanks for letting me get it off my chest, anyway.

I would say first thing every morning, pray for God to let you get through "one more day of Plan A." Is contact continuing with OW? If so, how much of it can you take? If you start feeling terribly resentful, like the love is going out of you, then it's time for Plan B. My prayers go out to you! Sounds like you are doing all that you can, it's time for your H to step up to the plate.<P>MOM

OW is now on the east coast, we are in California. I assume (what is it they say about ASSuming? [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] ) that contact is ongoing, though my gut feeling is that it is waning. They felt they were "soulmates", "best friends", and I haven't seen signs of withdrawal from him, signs that he is "missing" her. I also realize that doesn't mean it's NOT beginning to end on some level. Oh, I don't know. And I don't feel I can bring it up right now. His words, more or less, have been pretty cliche'- "I'm here, and as long as I'm here I'd like it if you could just know that I DO want our marriage to work". ARGH!! Doesn't he see that after so many lies, I need more than that? Time will tell, right?<P>One day at a time. I'll try to think of it that way, rather than thinking of the months (longer?- don't know) ahead of me. I think maybe in my early zeal for plan a I've been ignoring my own needs a bit. Now let's see- after 14 years of marriage and two kids, what was it I used to do to take care of me? [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] <P>Thanks for the reply, MOM. I feel better just being heard.

rapunzel--<BR>I am where you are, too! WE get along great, he comes home every weekend, and some during the week (we have a business in another town 2 hrs from here), every thing is hunky-dorey, until I ask: what is going on between us?<P>You feel as if you are in limbo-land. I just want to know that he is committed, too1 Can't ask, can't question anything......just have to ASSume, as you said. I don't know what to tell ya, but know that I am thinking of you, and if you find a solution----let me know!!!<P>Hugs, <BR>krystal

krystal- even though I hate to think of anyone else feeling like I do, I'm perversely happy that someone does. Hmmmm. It's that old "misery loves company" thing I guess. Our situations do sound exactly alike. Things seem so good in so many ways, but there's that nagging feeling that we've got so far to go. I think if you asked him, he'd say things are just ducky. Somedays I feel like such an imposter- smiling and supportive, when I'd really like to hit him with a baseball bat and yell "Sh*t or get off the pot, already!!!!!" <sigh> This is a long, hard haul, ain't it? Hang in there, girl, and when I get frustrated, I'll think about you, maybe that will make it easier to handle.