My husband is having an affair and has just left me. He told me that the OW had two affairs before theirs with married men also.<BR>Why do women do this? Obviously, her other affairs didn't make it with the other men, but my husband is with her now. My husband and the OW have known each other all their lives and apparently she has always wanted him.They never got together until now. She was married or my husband was in a relationship so they never got together. Now that she is single and of course my huband is married to me, they are together.<P>what are these women thinking? There are plenty of single men out here/ I don't understand it. [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by vintagelace:<BR><STRONG>My husband is having an affair and has just left me. He told me that the OW had two affairs before theirs with married men also.<BR>Why do women do this? >>><BR><<what are these women thinking? There are plenty of single men out here/ I don't understand it. [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>With our OW she was just desperate for a man, any man, especially one who she preceived as having some money. She could have cared less if he was married or not. There are plenty of women like that. If they want a man, they just don't care. There are a surprising number of women who whine "all the good men are already married" and figure that's the route they have to go to get a "good one". One former friend of mine drew the line at married men, but considered guys with girlfriends (even live ins) and fiancees as fair game. She said "All the single guys left s**k, and if he really loves his girlfriend I won't be able to gt him anyway, so what's the difference?" She had all kinds of bizarre justifications for hitting on attached men "I saw him at the bar on Saturday, and no guy who really cares about his girlfriend would be out with his friends on a Saturday night." Huh? As far as women who have multiple affairs with MM I think they have some serious psychological issues. The same as with women who keep getting involved with alcoholics or abusers. It's not an accident.

I wish I had real answer for you. My WH had six PA's, all one night stands. Five of the six knew he was a married man (one was just too snockered to talk to [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] ) <P>According to him, not a one had anything to say when he came "out", and that was BEFORE they had sex.<P>I don't know -- are they desperate? Is it an extra special feather in their cap because he's already got someone at home and that means that she "wins", even if it's just for one night? Everything I've been told, read or eavesdropped on points to low self esteem and some unmet need to be needed. Sick, huh?<P>Snow

No kidding! These women are scum! My H showed her pictures of our 3 sons right before f---ing her, didn't bother either of them. Her baby was in a crib in the next room. What are thes people thinking? [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

Dear Vintagelace,<P>When I first got out of college one of the girls I had known since grade school got involved with an older married man. Her boss as a matter of fact.<P>I couldn`t believe this. I asked her why on earth she was doing it. This is what she told me.<P>She had had many boyfriends in the past all to herself and knew what that was all about. She told me that she didn`t want to get into another monogomous relationship again because she didn`t want all the hassels that came along with it. She wanted love, yep love, affection and sex but she also wanted to be "free'. She didn`t want to have to account to anyone on what she was doing 24/7 nor did she want to have to do all the wife/girlfriend things. She wanted continuous courting without it necessarily going anywhere. <P>She started out with this mindset but of course she eventually really fell for this man and wanted more and more of his time and started to resent having to spend birthdays and holidays alone because this man was with his family instead. <P>My second single friend who did this was approached by the married man. He fed her all the B.S. crap "my wife doesn`t understand me, we haven`t gotten along for years, I am so lonely blah blah blah..." Her goal was to break up the marriage and have him run off with her. Little did she know that once she FINALLY had a pang of remorse and BRAINS and decided to dump the married man this guy was going to turn psycho on her and stalk her for months. <P>I figure most single OW`s fit one of these two profiles.

Yes you are right, there is a third profile for these women. I don`t know anyone like this but I have read about it, it`s the woman who`s self esteem is low that she gets some kind of sick validation in "bagging" someone else`s H. I guess it temporarily makes her feel better. Sad isn`t it?

Here's the thing. The person isn't really an OW if it isn't a married man, right? So the question is pretty much moot. Also, I believe (as I'm sure most do) that the married person who seeks an A makes the marriage seem SOOOOO bad, the OP begins to feel justified, just as the WS does. As for my H, he had the OW convinced that our marriage was OVER. He also (in the throes of passion, "in-love", whatever) told this OW that she was his "soulmate" GAG! The OW still believes that my H is now trying to see our M as better than it was, rather than that he was making our M seem WORSE than it was in order to facilitate his A. Does this make any sense?<P>MOM

Hi ...<P>I have a theory about women who "intentionally" pursue inappropriate relationships with attached or married men.<P>Me .. Dr. Junior Shrink .. lol<P>[Disclaimer: My theory by no means incompasses all OW or their motives. My intention is not to offend anyone, and if I have, I apologize]<P>IMVHO, I believe they (OW) feel they have something to prove. They may have very low self esteem and in order to boost their ego they go after someone that is attached or married, then when they SNAG 'em they feel they have WON something. They need to perceive themselves better then others in order to build their low esteem. I lean toward thinking they view it as a competition with the wife and when they "WIN" it makes them feel they have power. Another esteem builder.<P>Just my nickels worth ...<P>Jo<p>[ October 19, 2001: Message edited by: Resilient ]

Vintage Lace,<P>I am so sorry you are going through this too.<P>There is a similarity in our situations, in my case WH has known OW for many years, they dated in high school and broke up before I met H (she broke it off with him). When she found out we were getting married, she decided she wanted him back and started chasing him and has kept it up for more than 25 years.<P>Obviously these women aren't thinking. They don't think about what they are doing to their own marriages, much less someone elses marriage. They are selfish people. The power they feel by stealing someone elses H boosts to their low self esteem.

Don't forget--Hollywood has romanticized the notion of true love to the point that falling in love with someone, married or not, with kids or without, seems laudable no matter what the consequences. We don't see too many movies or TV shows where someone falls in love with a married person and decides not to act on it because they don't want to hurt an innocent family. No, "true love," if you believe Hollywood, supersedes commitment, morality, spirituality, country, God, family, children and apple pie. And what's Hollywood's definition of "true love"? A couple of rolls in the hay with a complete stranger.<p>[ October 19, 2001: Message edited by: Rose Red ]

Thank you for all of your comments, they are appreciated. I figured the self-esteem would be the first one.<P>My husband said he loved her, but he had let this affair get way out of hand, but he didn't want to hurt her. Of course, I ended up pushing him away because he wouldn't end this year long affair. I asked him to leave and he went right to her. Now I can imagine she is making life wonderful for him. He had been promising her for a year that he would leave me, but never did. Why wouldn't the OW just have given up on him and left him alone. My husband wasn't hiding the affair.<P> He called me the first day after he left and said he needed time to sort things out. How can he be sorting things out when he is with her? He also said everything is going to be fine and everything will work out. That was two days ago. I can't sleep or eat. I went to the doctors and he gave me some pills. I even took more than perscribed and I can't sleep. It makes me sick to think he is in her bed.I figure he didn't want to look like a bad guy and then I made up his mind for him. I don't know, I'm pulling at s strings. Of course, I did all the wrong things by demanding and yelling. I found that out after I've been reading alot of the other posts. I know his heart is with me and not her, he hated me yelling, but just didn't want to hurt her, but I was being hurt everyday by all of this and drove him right ou the door to her.<P>I want him to come home and try to work things out. I don't want to say the wrong thing if he calls, I don't want to sound like I'm desperate for him, but I want him to know how much I need to talk to him also.I'm beginning to be at wits end. I'm out of work at the moment with a broken right arm. They always say to fix yourself up and you'll feel better. I can't even put my contacts on or curl my hair or anything with this cast. I'm feeling so sad and lonely. We have no children, of course I still have my faithful dogs. I wish they could talk to me. Does <BR>anyone have any ideas? Thank you

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Ladysing58:<BR><STRONG>No kidding! These women are scum! My H showed her pictures of our 3 sons right before f---ing her, didn't bother either of them. Her baby was in a crib in the next room. What are thes people thinking? [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>I can top that one my husband wares his hospital wristband for a month with every child that is born. He was F --K - - G her & proudly displaying his new father ship.