what do u do when h says he was bored in the relationship and that is what caused him to have a?he is currently living at home again after 8 mo of living w ow. says he doesn't know if he will become bored again and wants us to work at being friends and if it doesn't work we will divorce.if he was so bored why did he come home and say he wants to see if we could be friends?he says as of right now we are not married?how can u put that in your head and work with that.ow doesn't know he is at home she thinks he is at his aunt's house until he figures out what he is gonna do.he has done so many things that has hurt me.can i ever overcome them?i feel like i'm walking on eggshells and wondering will he stick around says he is gonna tell ow he is going back home says they have a good relationship and could see himself living w her if we can't be friends (what a smack in the face)how could he have a good relationship with anyone when he is still telling her and i different stories.everything reminds me of them and how can i get past that.he has yet to even try to understand my pain which i have expressed i am really trying plan a,call him during the day to say hi,sending emails have even given him a card he doesn't do much to make me feel like a friend i feel like he will hurt me again for the 1,000,000 time i as so hurt as to how he is so concerned w ow feelings and acts like mine don't exist they work together and i feel they discuss more than work.we have a child and i just feel like the newness of the a (1 plus yr)is what keeps him believing they have such a good thing where does responsibility kick in when its just the two of them enjoying one another.i feel he really believes the grass is greener on that end.they have even taken vacations together and it makes me nuts he also ran up his credit cards playing boyfriend and he just seems to put all his focus on her more than his 6 yr old.i pretty much do the parenting since he works late and i believe he also exaggerates his work hrs to fit time in for her.i am so at a lose how do i get him for bored to being in love w me it has been 10 yrs and the original spark has died can it be rekindled?i am not desperate but what do you guys think i would like some input.he doesn't have a good relationship w his mother so can he have one with any woman? he also said he has not expectations of life so that way he can't be disappointed.how does someone w a child say something so bizzare?somethings really scare me.he also still has his winter coats at ow home and yes it is getting cold so he will need them help me i am feeling very down today especially since everyone knows about him and her since he paraded around the town w her will we were separated and introduced her to everyone like she was his new wife how do i get past this????????

just bumping myself up since i haven't rec'd any respones and would like some advice before i leave for home

Hi left alone...<P>Have you read the Harleys' books? SAA is really good at letting you know the timeline for an affair...<P>I would say that it takes 4-6 months from no contact to see results...and if there is contact, it starts all over...<P>Your mind set has to be that changes you are making are for YOU...that despite how things turn out YOU will be STRONGER!<P>I feel doubt everyday...but the strength of that doubt is different...I feel hope everyday...but the strength of hope is different...<P>The focus really needs to come off of OW and even H and go onto you...what do you need to do to survive and become stronger...how do you feel you need to change for marriage? That, to me, is key...<P>Cali

Well, your H is certainly behaving very selfishly and childishly. The fact that he doesn't know if he will become bored again is very telling to me. He's expecting it all to "happen" for him and guess what - he needs to dive in and take some action to ensure he doesn't become bored again! A plan needs to happen - have either of you read any books? I would start there and definitely get counselling. After the Affair by J.A. Spring, and Surviving an Affair by Dr. Harley are excellent. Before you get home tonight - stop by the bookstore and looks for these books. There are lots of other good books on relationships and infidelity as well.<P> The issues aren't with you - it sounds like they are with him. He enjoys the "no responsibility" mode he can go in when he's with OW, but with you - well, you have a child and responsibilities. <P>I don't know if I'm being of any help here. Just remember, Plan A is to help YOU as well, and if all you are doing is walking on eggshells in fear - then it is just letting him have his cake and eat it too.<P>Having said that, he's home with you now. He's lying to OW by telling her he's at his Aunt's house....this is good! This will be a bad thing in her books.<P>I hope others can give you advice as well.<BR>Hang in there!!<BR> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]