Here's a ? My H left about a month ago, anyone who is not familar with my story D-Day july 24,2001 H left Sept. 16, 200l had a A for over a year until I found out. Anyway he is living at his mom's. My ? is why is it that the parent that stays with the kids has to deal with the issues the kids are having with the separation, my H gives no emotional suppport to our kids, when I call him if there is a problem like tonight I got home from work and my mom said they were fighting terrible its gotten worse since he left, and he shows no interest in helping them deal with there pain. I don't understand that, can anyone relate. I would do anything to help my kids get thru this separation he does nothing. He is just coming and going as he pleases and I have all the responsibility. Sally

Sally,<P>When my husband left me my boys started acted up badly. He had always been a very involved father but after he left it was like he just didn't care. The bad thing is that there is not much you can say or do to get them interested because they are so wrapped up in themselves. It's not fair, but you will just have to step up to the plate in ways you haven't had to before. Can you enlist the help of a brother or sister or parent to help you? I had no family close by but it sounds like you do.

Thanks MelodyLane, Did you call H up when kids were acting up really bad?? I mean it makes me so angry that he caused all this anger and now he disappears.

My boys are young (8, 5 & 2)...the 8 year old kept saying things like "he was the man of the house now..." and the 5 year old had some horrific tantrums...plus would get on his bike and just take off and I couldn't find him...<P>I told H about it and he tried to blame me...but I wouldn't let him...I just had the boys talk to him and didn't let him wiggle out of it...<P>Eventually the boys started pulling their stunts in front of him and he had to face facts....<P>Without telling your kids what to say...encourage them to 'talk to their dad about their feelings.' If they can't talk...have them write it down for him...sometimes seeing it and hearing it from our children is the most powerful...<P>Cali

Thanks Cali, its so hard because the boys fight with each other and my daughter is very sad, I am as supportive as I can be but my kids are so sacred to tell there Father how they really feel, the hold their feelings in and then they let there frustrations out on each other, H does not see this at all he thinks I am crazy.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Sad Sally:<BR><STRONG>Thanks MelodyLane, Did you call H up when kids were acting up really bad?? I mean it makes me so angry that he caused all this anger and now he disappears.</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>No, I never did call him when things happened but tried to handle it myself. My H was useless. But often, my boys would call him and tell him I was being "mean" to them. [they were 17 and 18] I would then get a call from my husband asking why I couldn't "be friends" with them and "just get along." I tried to explain to MrNeglectfulFather that I was not thier "friend" but thier MOTHER. Needless to say, he tried to undermine my authority at every turn and it was a real nightmare. <P>It ended with me kicking my 18 yr old out of the house. My 18 yr old went to live with my H [his "friend"] and was killed in a car accident a week later when he was allowed to run the streets at 4am while my H was partying 400 miles away in Chicago. Great father.

Another thing I learned about boys is that they DO NOT like it when thier mother dates other men! My boys were downright hostile about this because they considered themselves the "men of the house" after my H left and they viewed my BF as an interloper.

Hi MelodyLane, sorry I didn't respond to your reply last night, I am so sorry about your son, I had no idea,my God you have been through a lot. My boys are 15, 12 and they say all the same things to me I'm mean, they hate me etc. my D isn't as nasty as they are. and my H is totally useless that way I will never call him again when there is a problem. Thank you for your reply Love Sally

hi sally I wish you luck. Iam also from Long isle, and our spouses are in the same occupation i think. If you want to send me your e-mail Ill explain more, take care will