ok here's the update h has been back for 5 wks.i am almost positive him and ow are still carrying on.we were suppose to be working on being"friends"but he has yet to tell ow that he is back at home (claims it will hurt her)he doesn't want to do that.he can't even mention that we are working on being friends.last night he said he came back to try and work this out but is not feeling any love for me.and for some reason felt that way b-4 he returned but thought by coming back he would get the feeling back and he said it's been a month and he is just not motivated to do anything w/me.and he is not feeling like he loves me.we should just live like roommates for now he live his life and i live my w/o doing things together???i asked how would he rebuild the love if he didn't start doing this w/me?he now thinks we should divorce and he will move out again.and said maybe after that someday we would be able to come together again.he has been lying to me and ow all along.and he still is.they work together and i said i think him and her being friends has a lot to do w/him not feeling love for me b/c he is still wrapped up in what they have/had.and he is still dealing w/her so how could he feel love for me if he is loving her and vice versa?she actually slept at her desk when the lived together just to wait for him so they could go home together.and i'm suppose to believe it's over btwn them??? mean while he sleeps in the same bed w/me (w/o contact)i told him this is so unfair why did u return if you didn't feel in love being in the same house wasn't gonna return that loving feeling.and this is unfair to our 6 yr old who watches him move in/move out.we were going to counseling but now he says he is not sure if the wants to continue b/c he doesn't like the idea of someone convinceing him to do things???says he will move into a room (why didn't he do that when he left ow home)i think he will return to her home even though she said if they get back together she wants them to get a place together instead of him moving into her place.he is just so full of lies.and if he can't even say where he is currently staying whats the point?so now he wants to divorce b/c he says he doesn't know if we can over come this.i tried to plan a but what do u do when someone says they do not love you?and keeps lingering on with ow? i told him if he couldn't even tell her the truth when he moved out he really did not want to try and is 5 wks time enough to say hey i think we should divorce what effort has he put into this.i am soooooooo tired and feel so betrayed never in all of this did my feelings mean anything to him he is soooo protective of her feelings so that says a lot .how do you live every day of your life telling lies to two people who supposedly care for you.he said he thinks our relationship might be over and we just have two different personalities. also the conversation between us is just so blah.but when i ask him what makes him happy?what does he want out of life all i ever get is i dont know how do you deal with the impossible and today he is saying he has to figure out what he wants to do.(selfish) <BR>never mind my feelings or our 6 yr olds only his and hers

Dear leftalone,<BR>You are experiencing the MAJOR FOG of the WS when he is still involved with OP. This is so textbook, it's line by line what I've heard from my H. I guess you have to decide if Plan A is doing any good with him living with you and continuing to have a relationship (of ANY kind) with the OW. If it's too painful, and it sounds like it is, maybe it's time for Plan B. Plan B is tough when there are children involved, but it's meant to protect you and the love you have left for your H. I wouldn't worry so much about what he's going to do if you make him leave. Let him worry about his life for a while. You need to concentrate on yours and your child's. For me and my H, the counseling was a joke as long as he was not truly committed to our marriage. We go individually right now, and I'm going for ME at this point, not my marriage. I spent too much time worried about my H's thoughts, feelings, actions. I needed to concentrate on my feelings, thoughts and actions. Since I backed off of my H, he is coming towards me. Does this make any sense? My H moved back in in July. It was NOT time for him to be back. Contact with OW continued on and off for the next 2 1/2 months. He's supposedly ended it (again) on 10/2. That's 3 weeks ago. So far, I see no new signs of contact. The facts are that your H will NOT be able to get the loving feelings back for you as long as the OW is in his life, filling those emotional needs. I don't know of anyone on this site who's had success with that as long as the WS was in contact with OP. For your H to put any blame in that area on you is part of his fog. You have to do what you feel is best, but you sound as if your love for him is going fast, so in my opinion, you are close to Plan B time. Stay here for more advice and strength. We've (most of us) been exactly where you are. My prayers for strength and peace go out to you.<P>MOM

i just wanted to bump myself up. i need as many responses as possible.