Hi All,<p>It seems we are in a bad place again. And I don't know if it is my insecurites acting up... but something is not right! I have come across some more information which I don't want to disclose in case my H were to read this (or OW). And to be honest, it could just be some things from the past which H is trying to hide. But I'm scared.<p>My question is this... If I discover he is "with" her again how do I react? Do I keep that information to myself? Can I reveal it without forcing us into Plan B? Do I reveal all the information I have and lay all my cards on the table? I'm afraid he will be pissed about all the snooping.<p>I guess I need to sit down and ask where we are headed first. If it seems he is telling me he wants to stay here then I can tell him what I know. (But first I am working on getting more info!) If he is not sure what he wants, then I guess I need to think about Plan B. I'm just afraid that will push him into OW arms! Of course this is not a good time to get into this. My H is getting his tonsils out on Monday and will be hurting for awhile. I don't want to make this even worse by getting into relationship stuff again.<p>But I am having thoughts again about contacting my H co-workers or OW's H to see if they have more information about all this.<p>I really need some support and advice here!!! I'm not sure how much I will be on forum since H will be home all next week.<p>Heck

For what it's worth (which may not be much), I'll give you my opinion on this:<p>I think you should confront your H on the stuff you found. But practice how you say it in a non LBing way. Remember... no selfish demands, disrespectful judgements, or angry outbursts. IMO, the sooner the better. <p>Perhaps mentioning your findings non-chalantly (sp?) to your H (that helps keep your tone of voice from being a non-LB) is the way to address it? <p>Keeping your feelings inside, those gut feelings we all know too well... is part of what got your marriage to the state it's in now. We're all guilty of it (I think - I know I am anyways... grin).<p>Saying that you want to wait until after your H's surgery, to me, is not an excuse. If you're like me.. you've got a million of 'em. There's always some 'reason' to justify putting it off. Whether it's "I have to wash my hair tonight" or "he's having surgery in a few days". Personally, I'm getting fixed on November 14th. Does that mean if I have something on my mind (A related), that I should put it off until I'm feeling better? Not a chance!<p>I'm sorry if I'm sounding pretty harsh on you.. but I'm in the mood for giving some MB nudges this afternoon. IMO, the longer you put it off, the more your own resentment will build.. and it may be over something from the past, as you said. Why torture yourself? And if your H has a problem with hearing you voice your concerns, well that's just too bad, isn't it? It's all part of the pennance of HIS prior actions, isn't it?<p>Karen

Thanks Topie25,<p>The main reason I am holding off is because I am a few days away from discovering info that I believe will tell me if it is over or not. Now this will be right after his surgery. My H is not much of a talker when he is feeling good, and I know he will definitely not talk to me if he feels like he is dying (which is what I'm expecting form this surgery).<p>I know it is not good to let this bad stuff fester... but I also see his recovery from surgery a great time for me to Plan A and be there when he really needs me.<p>Thanks for your help, I truly appreciate it!

Well, information that I have uncovered so far has not been good news, but it is definitely information from their past. No new signs of contact. And H has seemed to come out of the fog a little bit the past couple of days. Will keep you posted on what's going on!

Hi,<p>Each time the A resurfaces brings pain and more suffering. But the way it is received and reacted to varies. For me the 1st was bad, the 2nd and 3rd were hard but that 4th renactment of what appears to be a bad sequel to the Jenny Jones show or the other guy was bad. But what it did for me was make it very clear that I needed to get this OW out of my life. Even if it meant losing the WS to the OW. Things take a different perspective and their old games get boring. <p>See the OW can't retain her status as the alluring/mysterious OW if she is getting old and you are getting bored with their antics. So either they come up with a new way of irritiating you or the A is over. Well, in my case how many times can you fake a prego? Hm..... 3 times was getting kinda old and so is the OW (45 and getting grayer he he he [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] ) . <p>So how do you react? Well you may just say, oh well here we go again or get fed up and push him out quicker. I told my H to hurry up and leave, this is getting boring. The soap opera was loosing its bubbles and the water was getting stale. Hmmmph...... <p>You will know how you react. Just make sure you know what you wnat and need. Most importantly what you need. Figure that out and I believe you will know how to react. <p>I had to put me and my family first. H was out in last place just before the OW who was lower than dirt. <p>L.<p>[ October 28, 2001: Message edited by: Orchid ]</p>