<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><p>1. You should not have agreed to go to bar, giving in is not a poja, you must enthusiastically choose the bar cause YOU want it too. You just let your H control you. If he continues to do ANYTHING without your enthusiastic agreement (and same for you re stuff you want and he must be enthusiastic), then the marriage will fail.
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No, that isn't what causes marriages to fail. It can contribute, but it doesn't cause it.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>
2. YOU chose to be angry. Angry outbursts, disrespectful judgements, and selfish demands are always wrong, your behaviour was terrible as well. Playing the justification game does not make any difference, you just Love Busted all over the place.
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Yes, you are right about that. I DEMANDED that he not look at OW, and that she get out of my car. You are absolutely right, and it can be defined by my spouse as a lovebuster. Not that what I demanded was truly selfish! <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> You could have reacted with dignitiy and control, endured the circumstances of the bar (a place you chose to be), and given ow a ride home.
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Yes, you are right about that. But, I chose not to! See! I am not 'controlled'! I had a choice and I exercised it! (I am being silly here.)<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Then discussed the whole incident next day with a sober H.<hr></blockquote>
We discussed it on Sunday, when I was a little more 'in control'!<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Whether you leave or stay tnt, you have a lot of work to do on you as well.<hr></blockquote>
God isn't finished with me yet! <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Good luck.<hr></blockquote>
I really don't believe in 'luck' but thank you just as well.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>ya wanna be "right" or ya wanna be married<hr></blockquote>
Hey - I coined that phrase, plagiarism?
It is one thing to feel injustice and resist, but it is another to CONTINUE to demand your own way and not respect differences. Sometimes it is a delicate balancing act - between boundaries and lovebusters. But the key to getting it right is to respect oneself and your spouse. <p>***
Hey Deb - you certainly didn't hurt my feelings! I understand EXACTLY where you are coming from! Glad to hear that you are in remission. Gosh that baby you linked too sure was cute. Making any more crafts for the holidays? I used to work with my M. but bookkeeping for him made me cross-eyed... <p>Lor - good advice about the boundaries... <p>Thinking out loud here.... just a little side note - some things look like a duck but the quack just isn't right. Remember, the lesson we learned years ago? Some of the best lies are mostly truth. We need discernment! WISDOM!<p>Orchid - yup, I think you got it right. D.B.!!! my oh my Lions and tigers and bears, oh my. ! <p>Thorned Rose - "should've and should?" Maybe your right - I've been at this game long enough to know that what "should" happen, is something I can't "make" happen. I have pretty good 20/20 though - I hope! Probably issues with SIL and SD will be swept under the carpet again, and we'll go on. SIL just called me just now and invited us over to decorate cookies tonight and celebrate her son's b-day - so life will go on..... Conflict Avoiders!
Thanks for the affirmation the direction I am about to take is biblical. I really appreciated your statements. (The 'elders' of this church are neighbors also, in fact her relatives.... small town!)<p>Roll me Away! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN! It is a reunion thread? What is happening lately in your life? Do you have a recent post you could post a link too? I don't read every post anymore. (Thank the Lord! My addiction is under control!)<p>gottruth - I know what you are saying.... It is a different issue - believe me.... I know. I have been heckled off the board a couple of times for what I have shared - you are the hardest person to respond to.<p>Nina - wish there was a creative name like Lostva had for her H ow: pop-tart! What a great thread that was. I'll nominate you the chairman of that committee, okay?<p>Sheryl and Sam - Thank you for your constant support and vote of 'confidence' and prayers. Bless you both!<p>And last, but not least.... FHL!
YOU are the one I need to talk to, as we come from the same cloth. Any advice you can give me on what to talk to her about - I KNOW the communion table issue is the issue I need to address while talking to her. Any suggestions?<p>And yes, you all - I'll do my best to 'stay safe'.<p>I talked with H just slightly, and he is supportive of me going to speak with OW. He believes that it is the right thing to do. (God works wonders, doesn't he!) And, he believes it will give his family a reason to respect me. (Hmmmm?) Anyway, no arguments about it - and I am glad he agrees I should speak to her.<p>Now I need to quit procrastinating, but really am looking forward to FHL's comments. <p>God Bless Us All
TnT

TNT,<p>I am doing well - thanks for asking. I still lurk and post in small spurts, especially when old friends have a thread or on the D/D board.<p>I admire your courage, TNT. You have persevered through times worse than this one. God will put the right words into your mouth when you speak with the OW, because your heart and intentions are good.<p>PLEASE, be careful!!! Another prayer coming your way today.... Desiree

Oh, oh...I gotta get smart? [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Remember you are the sharper of the two of us on those fine docrinal points, TnT.<p>I only have a minute now, but could I ask you to define the goals of this talk?<p>Do you honestly think you she is capable of understanding you?<p>If this first talk doesn't work, are you going to take someone with you for the next talk?<p>Be back later...

yeah, FHL - I plan to take YOU! (just kidding)<p>FHL, can we continue the discussion about LCMS and my meeting with her in the ladies bible study forum? <p>See you there!
Thanks
TnT<p>[ October 30, 2001: Message edited by: trustntruth ]</p>

TNT - Honey, some of the things that you have put up with would qualify you for sainthood. I think that given the situation, you handled yourself very well. I was in almost the EXACT same situation about six months ago, and I didn't handle myself nearly as well (Lor, Nyneve - y'all remember THAT one! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] ) I don't think I can add to (most of) the wonderful advice that was given to you. Vent with us, and keep up the good work.<p>Deb - Hey, long time no see! Glad to hear you're in remission! And I agree with you... [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Just had to say that.<p>SNL - Is this Stacey or a different SNL (sorry, have been away from the board for a few months). While a lot of what you said is textbook MB, there is a fine line between constructive criticism and throwing the first stone. MB principles should also be observed in here, and you showed some disrespectful judgements of TNT in your post (from what I could see). <p>And how wonderful to see so many old-timers reemerge! Wonderful to see y'all!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{tnt}}}}}}}}}}}}}<p>It's been a long time, old friend.<p>Just wanted you to know I was thinking about you.<p>Hi, Deb, Lor, desiree, fhl, NY, heck all you guys!<p>Don't have any better advice, just a lot of hugs.<p>Love,<p>Lori

HI TNT,
((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
Given the rotten circumstances, I think you did fine. You did not have a lot of options. What were you to do....give her a ride?! Hey, forgiveness only goes so far. A ride?! You cant be serious?!?!?!?!
And how are things now? What is the violent behavior? You okay?
Aloha, cl

No one has asked this question yet. But what was your husband doing driving home after four+ beers? That would put his blood-alcohol levels over almost any state's legal limit.<p>for me, I'd have called a cab for myself. And let my husband (if he were in your husband's place) that while he was drunk and not likely to choose correctly, that he drunk those beers all by himself and now he'd have to make a difficult choice without a clear head - sit down on his daughter and his sister about the OW, and kick the OW fanny out of the car - or lose you. That solves 4 problems right there. no more SD, SIL, OW, and extraordinarily dense stbxh!

Roll me away - I have to make a point of hopping over to dd board so I can catch up with you - find out what is happening..... Maybe it is time for an update thread from you? [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>CL- You came out of the woodwork to say hi - this thread must've been on page 2 or 3 by the time you got on it.... You must've gotten an email alert from Sam - I bet. Thanks for finding me and giving me a little support! Yes - a ride, unbelievable! oh well.... We hopped over to the women's Bible study board. Sex.... is his solution to everything. Violence was the result of me fighting him off. I'm okay.
Any anthrax concerns in your area? Seen a lot of patients who are concerned? Got any advice for us? Glad we have good people like you in the medical field that really care about people.
How is life in the new state? Good?
How are your sons? H? <p>Kayla- I like your name. You are right - he shouldn't have been driving! No cab service in our area, it is "rural" MN! I had intended to drive - (I'm not a drinker) but I think the situation became so tense that none of us were thinking very well - and it is a habit for H to drive..... We tend to react in our habits under stress and not with our best rational minds. oh well.... Anyway, you are welcome to join us over at the bible study forum!<p>Carolina Belle - SNL isn't stacey - he is WH. Big thread started by kevco to snl about marriage philosophy.
Glad to see you. Seems you are over your MB addiction too? That is good, is all going okay for you? how about an update? <p>
God Bless us all on this road in relationships! We need all the help we can get!
TnT

Hi Lostva!<p>Gosh I missed ya when I was replying. How are you? Everything going okay? I was thinking you should join Nina's committee on coming up with a name for my H - "X" ow!!! Come join us on Bible study forum! Thanks for popping in!<p>(you probably got an email from Sam too, huh? She is a stinker.... gotta love her, huh?)<p>TnT