Well he told me tonight that he has retained a lawyer and that I will be served within the month.I kinda nknew this was going to happen, but when you hear loud and clear it puts a different perspective on it. He was so callous and rude, still don't understand who he is anymore how he can toss me and his kids in the trash and pretend like we never exsisted. I am feeling down but I will be alright I must be strong, God must have something planned for me.
Love Sally

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Sad Sally:
<strong>I am feeling down but I will be alright I must be strong, God must have something planned for me.
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Sally,
You're DARN RIGHT you will be all right! God DOES have something planned....and you are getting soooo strong. I remember your first few posts, and how upset you were. I was worried about you. Now I see strength. Hang tough. <p>Obviously, OW is pushing him right now. I am in the same situation. Just hang on, let him do whatever he is doing. IF you get separation papers, or worse, just STALL and keep your head, regardless of what he says or does. It's amazing! OW seem to know that TIME is an enemy!! THey always seem to want to HURRY things along.<p>Do ALL you can to S-L-O-W everything down....this gives the A chance to die on its own.<p>Don't look at it like he's "throwing you and his kids away..." - truly they DON"T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING!! Keep telling yourself that. That's why there is so much "silly" talk about Moose Brain worms and aliens and such, cause they DO turn into something that cannot even be described!!<p>But, honestly, imagine going through this WITHOUT the aid of this site, and all the *wonderful, amazing, insightful* people who help keep us sane?!<p>Lupo

Dear Sally,<p>There is not much to understand when dealing with those in the fog. Trying to make sense of their actions only hurts your heart and gives you a headache. <p>He said he will get the papers, then you are going to have to watch that also. Sorry for that line, it is hurtful, I know. <p>Keep posting here and vent as you need. You have many experiences of the WS going to all different stages. Some even go to the D and back. <p>{{hugs}} for your and your family. <p>L.

Hi SS. I just wanted to say to try not to think about the seperation papers too much. Don't believe it until you see it.<p>You have to prepare yourself, but don't dwell on it. Alot of times the BS will just say these things out of anger and never go through with it because it's not what they really want, or they want the WS to do it...<p>Lupolady had the best advice, take it slow and give the A a chance to die a natural death and let your H see how much of her claws the OW has into him...<p>Good luck, Sally. God does have something special planned for you, and only time will tell you what that is. It may not seem like it now, but someday you will thank God for all he has given you.
HbH

Sad Sally I am so sorry for your pain. Stay strong and try to stall the papers. In my state we have to sign them. Is that true in yours? If so don't sign them. Throw in trash.<p>SLH

Plan A Plan A Plan A<p>Avoid LB's. Throwing papers away would be a huge one. Radical Honesty means you'd have to tell him that you did -- and I don't think it would be worth that risk. Huge LB.<p>Deal with grace and dignity.
And be the best Sally!

Thank you so much to all who replied to my post, it really helps to have so much support. Sorry I wasn't on-line yesterday and could not read my replys.
To Lupolady, Thanks for the encouragement, I will be strong, altough today I feel weak.<p>Orchid, I will def. keep venting hear you guys are great.<p>Hurtbyhubby, I try not to dwell on this mess but its difficult, I guess the OW really is pushing him, Gosh that makes me so angry.<p>Stilllovehim, I don't have to sign them if I don't agree with conditions but I have to show them to my lawyer.<p>Lexxxy, Its very difficult not to LB with him when I see him, he has me soooo angry right now for how he is treating his kids, I advoid he as much as possible. Thanks for the encouragement.<p>
Love and Hugs Sally

sorry to read this sally...<p>take care of yourself...do some nice things for yourself...things you didn't do cause you didn't think H liked them...<p>eat foods you didn't normally eat...buy new books, get a new haircut...<p>Hugz...<p>C A L I

Thanks Calypso, I will take care of myself, And do whats best for me, thanks for your encourgement. Love Sally

Sally,<p>It's a definite that OW is pushing your H, she's striking while the iron is hot. <p>Lexxxy is so right on, Plan A him, Sally. No matter how angry you are, and rightly so, you must not LB. When you see him pretend you're an actress auditioning for a part and be NICE. I know you have it in you. <p>If you do a good Plan A you end up stronger and feel better about yourself. And an added bonus is your H starts to talk to you like he knows you again. Eventually he won't see you as the enemy and then what hppens next is VERY COOL .. OW gets P/O'd because you guys are being friendly. <p>I had it happen to me, Sally. My H hated me, or treated me like he did. And I Plan A'd ... 3 mos of that and OW was on his pager name calling and being a b*tch on wheels, LMAO! Just incredibly satisfying to hear!<p>Lv,
Jo

Hi Jo, I know you are right, but I feel so angry at him and its so difficult to be nice to him. He totally denied any more contact with OW, but I know he is lying. He totally does not give a sh** about me or kids, thats what makes it difficult to be planA. he has done nothing in raising our kids for the past 2 years, all he cares about his his own selfish needs. love Sally

Yes, I do know how selfish they can get. My H was a tyrant. It really is horrible how uncaring and mean they can be, just disgusts me.<p>But Sally, if you're mean or angry or just plain old not nice to him back, he'll feel he has just cause to act the way he is and things won't get any better. <p>Don't you think you can try it (Plan A) just one time to see if you can do it. Change your response to him, it'll totally throw him off, he won't know what to do or say. He'll walk away scratching his head. When you try it at least you get some enjoyment out of seeing him bewildered and confused, No?<p>Jo

I will planA him as best as I can. He just seems so happy without us, Im having a hard time dealing with the vibes I get from him. Sometimes I feel like it doesn't matter to him what I say or do, he is so wrapped up in this other life he has. sally

I understand Hon, it hurts like HELL! I'm so sorry. I really haven't forgotten ... believe me, I was no where near as strong as you or MnM or Terrified. You guys have kids and it must be so damn hard for you.<p>Maybe it will help to try and pretend he isn't your H, because in essence, he really isn't. He is someone else inhabiting your H's body. And believe it or not, regardless of how happy he seems, he IS in conflict, and deep, deep inside he does know it's wrong and does hurt.<p>Jo

Do you really think he is hurting and in turmoil?? I sure hope so, because as well as I know him I cannot figure him out right now.A big problem for me is just what you said Jo, he really isn't my H anymore and I should forget that he is for now, I know if I did that I would let go, but I guess I am still holding on for fear of what letting go will do to me, Am I making sense?? Love Sally

DEFINATELY!! Your H doesn't know up from down right now if he took just one second to look inside and realize what's going on.<p>My H was SURE that he:
-loved OW
-She was the ONLY one who could make him happy
-Wanted a divorce and full custody of kids
-Threatened seperation/divorce I don't know how many times - never did it<p>Today he HATES OW, he finally realizes how much she used him when he was severely depressed, and oh boy, does it pi*s him off. He is finally starting to realize what was going on inside him, the turmoil, the guilt, etc.<p>I wish NO ONE that type of pain or hell to have to go through. It's almost worse than being the BS in a way, because YOU DID IT TO YOURSELF, you can't blame anyone else. You can try, but eventually, when you dig in, you realize. Then the guilt/pain/low self-esteem hits harder than anything else you can imagine...<p>My H was going through worse pain than I was, and no matter WHAT he did to try and fix it, it HURT people. He hurt me, he hurt his kids, he hurt OW (who deserved it BTW), but most of all, he hurt himself. Although I realize it was his own doing, and I know how much pain he caused me, I still wish that type of inner turmoil on no one.<p>Just like I wish the BS's typical resentment/abandonment/doormat feelings on no one.<p>Hope that helped...
HbH

Hi Sally. How are you Hon? Sorry I haven't been on much lately but I just had to reply. Yes, I truly believe that your H is so torn. He probably wants to do the right thing but he has the OW filling his head with a bunch of crap and he is so confused. I know that you are hurt and your kids are hurting. Believe it ot not H is probably just as hurt. Mad at himself for what he's done, how it got this far. Give it time Sally I know he said that you will be getting the separation papers. Wait and see. We all know what they say and what they do are two different things [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]
Sally we are all here for you. Just continue to be strong and keep on moving forward you are right you will be okay.
<<<Hugs>>>
C

Hi Sally. How are you Hon? Sorry I haven't been on much lately but I just had to reply. Yes, I truly believe that your H is so torn. He probably wants to do the right thing but he has the OW filling his head with a bunch of crap and he is so confused. I know that you are hurt and your kids are hurting. Believe it ot not H is probably just as hurt. Mad at himself for what he's done, how it got this far. Give it time Sally I know he said that you will be getting the separation papers. Wait and see. We all know what they say and what they do are two different things [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]
Sally we are all here for you. Just continue to be strong and keep on moving forward you are right you will be okay.
<<<Hugs>>>
C

Thank you hurtbyhubby and Cybil I appreicate your replys. sorry I didn't respond sooner, I am having a really down day my H coverred up his tatoo with my name on it, sounds trival but He has had that tatoo for 25yrs. and I remember how special it was to him and me and how proud he was to have my name on it. Thanks you for your caring Love Sally

<<<<<Sally>>>>>><p>Someday he will regret that move too... I just know it. I just hope it is before you move on...<p>HbH