OK---<p>This will be a new step in our "recovery."<p>W (WS) left town for a conference today. First time since moving back home. The bad part is that's where she and OM would get together...<p>He lives about 1,500 miles away so they met a couple of times when she was gone on biz.<p>Anyway...recovery has been going well, W says she loves me, I don't have any reason to worry, she would never do that again, she would never put me or her in that position again, she is committed to us etc etc. Pretty much all the things I would want to hear. Says she will call, says I can call her etc...understands that she needs to gain my trust again and that it won't be easy, but she wants to do that. <p>I pretty much believe her and I know we are making progress (not there yet, but moving forward together, kinda on the same page) but this is such a big trigger. Our C calls it Post Traumatic Stress syndrome.<p>She is gone for three nights...I know I will worry but I will also try to get thru it and look at it as another step in our recovery.<p>Have any others gone thru something like this or had to deal with other major triggers?

Any suggestions on the best way to cope?<p>Thanks <p>E

Hi Elad. Oh man, I HATE those triggers. <p>My H was supposed to go to a conference last weekend where he and OW would go and I was never invited. I could have died when I found out, it was such a huge trigger.<p>I simply told him how much of a trigger it was, that I absolutely did not want him to NOT go cuz' of me, but rather I would like his support to try and get through the trigger aspect of it. Not going would just delay things until the next conference comes along...<p>He ended up inviting his friend to go along with him to the conference so I wouldn't worry. I thought that was very thoughtful, and it did help. <p>Anyway, his friend ended up backing out at the last minute, and my H decided he had too much homework and didn't go anyway, but just that simple gesture of him taking the initiative and inviting his friend really meant alot. It meant he was thinking of me and trying to help me with my triggers. It was all his idea...<p>So, why do I tell you this? I'm wondering if there is something your W can do for you that would be similar. Simply tell her how huge of a trigger this is and ask her what she can do to help you through it. <p>I think you'll be surprised the ideas she can come up with. If there is something in particular (like you knew they would always meet at 7pm), tell her so she can be more precise in how she helps...<p>If she doesn't come up with anything, then make some suggestions and ask her what she thinks about it:
-Can you have her schedule
-Can you meet some of the people she is going with
-Can you have a certain time of day you can call and/or reach her if you are having an anxiety attack and KNOW she won't get mad at you?
-Can she bring you home something special from where she is staying/going to show she was where she said she was?<p>I realize it may be too late cuz' she already left, but perhaps for next time? Or maybe when you talk to her tonight?<p>Other than that, keep busy, make plans and stick with them, even if you don't feel like it!!!<p>HbH

Elad - as you know, I'm no where close to being able to help you directly with the trigger problem. But, come on over and we'll go kidnap OOOO for a beer. That oughta keep you occupied.<p>Actually, this is not entirely a frivolous suggestion. I'll bet finding something to distract you is the key while she's gone.

WAT<p>Thanks for the advice...<p>I have a friend lined up for beer & pizza tomorrow and the little ghosts and goblins will keep me busy tonite...<p>Keeping busy is what got me thru the five-month separation so I imagine it will help this week, too.<p>E