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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 18
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 18 |
Hi. .I'm pretty new here. .I am engaged and found the site when I thought my fiance was cheating. .(he wasn't) I thought maybe ya'll could give some advice. . What is the #1 thing, in your opinion to have a good marriage and prevent affairs, divorce? Any thoughts would be great !<p>nlove [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 1,900
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 1,900 |
- Read Dr Harley's books
- Follow the books
- Follow POJA
- Do the EN ?'s once a yr, maybe on anniverisity
- never take marriage for granted
- don't let kids or work come 1st, always make time for yourselves
- NEVER THINK IT WON'T HAPPEN TO YOU
<p>Good Luck, hopefully you will never be back here for the reasons we all are here. May God Bless you and your marriage.
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 609
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 609 |
COMMMMMMMUNICATE HONNNNESTLY!!!<p>Those two things will go a long way to build ANY relationship. Realize that the "passion" fades from a marriage if not tended to regularly!<p>And I agree with the above, NEVER take it for granted, NEVER NEVER take it for granted, NEVER NEVER NEVER take it for granted (to steal a thought from Winston Churchill).
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 501
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 501 |
Ditto to Sing's list....<p>Don't just assume you are meeting your spouses' needs. Make sure you know what they are. Never take your love or your marriage for granted. Just because someone is going through the motions of being married, doesn't make it a good marriage. There has to be communication and honesty to prevent resentment and hostility. <p>Also, be good friends but not exclusively dependent on your spouse for your happiness. Make sure God is first, family is 2nd and all other things come later....<p>PP
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 3,303
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 3,303 |
Put God first in your life and obey His commandments. If your heart doesn't condemn you, that is, your conscience, then neither will He. Some sin is more dignified than others, but all headed toward the same hell. Take care of the vertical relationship and the horizontal ones will always work out. Love never fails. God is love.<p>& definitely implement Harley concepts!
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Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,069
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Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,069 |
Well Nlove, everyone pretty much said it all. But what I would emphasize is what PeoplePleaser had to say ... DO NOT assume you know your spouses needs just because you love them, nor they you. <p>Loving someone and marrying them does not give you instant instinctive power to KNOW what their needs are. Ask them, and then meet those needs. Harley says if you are meeting at least the top two emotional needs of your spouse, you are in good shape. <p>And if you have needs that aren't being met by your spouse Nlove .... absolutely do not HINT or ELLUDE to what you need, Come out and TELL YOUR SPOUSE.<p>Best to you and God Bless!<p>Lv, Jo
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 285
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 285 |
Never assume it can't happen to you. Work together every day with the assumption that it can and the desire and strength to prevent it.<p>I always said it would never ever happen to us...
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 239
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 239 |
Don't go into marriage assuming it is going to be just an extension of dating or even living together. <p>It's a completely different relationship. He has more meaning, more value, more commitment & more scarafice.<p>Marrige is a sacrament for a reason. It takes alot of compromising & sacraficing to be in a healthy "for life" relationship.<p>You can still be "inlove" as you were when dating, but all the other stuff isn't there before you are married.<p>Be prepared for in-laws finances (joint) medical bills/insurances housing mortgages children disciplining kids raising kids etc etc etc<p>The one thing I realize now that I didn't 17 years ago was that my H & I never actually talked about what we expected from each other has husband & wife & as parents.<p>I didn't live up to his expectations..unfortunately I nver knew he had any specific ones. Boy did he.<p>Like all your other advice...communication is key.
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 18
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 18 |
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 118
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 118 |
Let me just reiterate what all have said TALK!!!! COMMUNICATE!!!! No innuendo, no hints, just the plain honest truth of your thoughts and feelings. This means both of you! A marriage is effort 24/7. I don't like to call it work because work has negative conotations. It is surely effort with untold benifits. The risks and the rewards are profound. Focuse your efforts to ensure you live the rewards and never realize the true nature of the risks. I wish you both the best of luck!
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