I was out of town on business since Saturday afternoon, and when I came back last night, my wife's sister was here. She had moved out, or been thrown out, of her house not long after I left. She spent one night at her Dad's (FIL's) house, then moved here semi-permanently. So now she and my wife are sleeping in the family room. We have no more couch space available!<p>Her situation is somewhat different. There is no infidelity that I know of. Married 27 years, one boy in 11th grade. The son is home with the dad, and the dad has turned the son against his mother. Also, the dad has apparently got the police to "suggest" that the mother move out. Accusing her of alcoholism and depression. But in my experience, he's the one with problems. She needs to get some legal advice but she hasn't quite come to grips with her situation. There've been a couple times over the last 10 years she planned to move out, but it never happened until now.<p>So, we have an interesting change in the dynamics here. My kids think that Aunt C, whom they adore, is on a sort of vacation. FIL of course is not taking this well. Aunt C is separated, his oldest daughter was divorced a few years ago, and his other living daughter might shortly be the recipient of plan B from me. Which is making me stop to think about it some more.<p>Aunt C has to know something is going on with me and my wife, but we don't talk about it, just about her situation. She is obviously lost. My wife is studiously avoiding me in the day that I've been back.<p>I work at home, and it in some respects it might help me to have a third adult here during the day. She might also be a neutral observer for my plan A, or maybe not. I've been supportive. There are so many new variables it's hard to think of them all.<p>- Tom

Hi tmmx,
I think you're right. Having a guest in the home will definitely make you more aware of any LBing behavior and keep you putting your best foot forward. <p>Then again, if you get weak, perhaps you will just have to come out and ask the tough questions right there in front of company! If Aunt C is there permanently, she might become part of the family which includes involvement in family discussions! (kidding) Hang in there & welcome home! Glad you had a safe trip...

Aunt C is still here and showing signs of settling in for the long haul. As in 6 months. My wife is getting frustrated and talked to me about it, at some length, this morning. For one thing, Aunt C is a crimp on her all-important privacy. <p>Also, C is really doing nothing at all to protect herself. She's writing up conditions on her H before she moves back in, but meanwhile H doesn't want her back because he's holding all the cards. She has no money, no job, no keys to the house, borrowing her Dad's car, and her son is living with H. The time limit has passed for her to file a PFA order, and that frosts my wife too. No way would my wife or her other sister put up with this kind of crap from a husband. They're completely different from C and used to joke that C must have been adopted as a kid.<p>The only thing that could change in 6 months, is that H will run out of money even with our supporting C. They live paycheck to paycheck and C manages the money. Odd that she's so dependent and helpless and fearful in other ways. He's been blowing money on different things since she moved out, so he's in for a rude awakening pretty soon. C's name is on a lot of the stuff, so she'll be hurt in the coming meltdown, but still I think H gets hurt worse. Also, it could cause the son to rethink some things.<p>I just stay out of it. My wife told me a bunch of stuff this morning, interspersed with "I shouldn't be telling you any of this." It doesn't bother me that C is here. Actually, I like seeing my wife squirm a little about the privacy stuff, where I'm not the cause of it. I know that's not a very plan A feeling.<p>- Tom

But isn't it nice to know that you aren't the cause of those feelings! Plan A can be hard and I think it's those little things that see me through.