i'd like to thank everyone who responded to my post for the past 1 1/2 months. i am no longer going to be posting. h and i are divorcing and that is final. i am gonna be strong about this and move on. h told me the whole reason he returned was to prove to his family that it wouldn't work btwn us and he was even confronted by me and the ow and he admitted (so he says)everything to ow and he is now living w ow again.he said he never thought about how his messed up "plan"would affect our 6 yr old .he didn't think that far and as for me he knows he was the one to mess up our marriage/relationship due to the fact he should have never gotten married and was cheating on me all along.so he is the one to blame and also he said he is gonna get divorced and not look back.<p>its best for us to just move on and that is that.he is calling himself a changed man and says he can be faithful and he is being faithful to the ow b/c that is what he wants he just didn't want to be faithful w me.and he doesn't have a problem w fidelity he just didnt want to be that when he was w me for the past 10 yrs. and now he is faithful to the ow whom he has been w for the past yr.(meanwhile up until 2wks ago)was still intimate w me but says that was part of his plan.<p>whatever i told him he has been wrong and i dont want to be bothered by him i also asked he leave our daughter alone b/c he has nothing but in and out of her life at his convience and that is not fair to her.he would never call her,he would come see her when he got ready and played no part in her school life.when he was taking her to school she was late everyday.he only cares about himself.<p>people at his job dont even know he is married they just know about the ow whom he works with since he hasnt worn a wedding band in 4 yrs and never mentioned being married.he lied on his 401k papers and checked not married. <p>so i just told him go away and leave us alone.
just wanted to inform everyone and thank you for posting. i am moving on w my life and good luck to everyone still trying <p>maybe the rest of you will be more sucessful and arent dealing w a snake.<p>also he came back for 6wks didnt contribute a dime to the house bills or give me money for our child.<p>his plan was to stay in the house and save up his half for the divorce.he even told ow this and yet she still wants him.
supposedly he has laid the truth on the table and they are starting anew. whatever.she will get the rotten treatment i got and in not time. <p>pls post anything you feel i would like to hear what other people think.as to everyone who knows this pathetic story thinks he's a rat.

just wanted to bump myself up. anyone have any respones.

((((Leftalone)))), You have to do what you feel is best. One suggestion though; let you H do the work for a divorce. I've heard it said by the WS SOOOO many times that they want a divorce, but they don't actually go out and do it! Ask others here, they'll tell you they've heard it from their WS' more than once in the past, yet the divorce never comes. If you feel you need to do this for YOU, then that's your decision. You will still need support though, so please check out the Divorce forum on this site. My prayers are with you and your child. Please remember, don't do anything in haste. Let him do it if he truly wants it!!<p>MOM

leftalone-<p>Sorry to hear so much anger and resentment. It sounds understandable. We don't deserve to be treated like so much garbage that can be discarded at anytime.<p>Just because you are divorcing doesn't mean that you can't hang around here and post in the future. Another door is opening for you and you are moving on. You can choose to find ways to be happy and fulfilled. You can still find support here and I'm sure that you have something to contribute to others' stories and trials. I hope you can have a good weekend and burst through that new door!
SG

You might want to post on the D/D board. There is alot of support on how to protect yourself. don't let him get away with not paying child support. This may take some knowledge on how best to do this. The D/D people can help you.
In the mean time, work on you so that you can be the better person and not get walked on at the same time. This well also prepare you for your future.
How did he get away with not paying anything while he was at home? You did not enable him to just not contribute to the house hold and to his daughter, did you?
This is such a heartache to hear and I do wish you will.

leftalone,
Your H sounds as goofed up as most WS are. He is faithful to the OW, yet intimate with you up until 2 weeks ago. How would he know he can be faithful to her?<p>He does have financial responsibilites to your child. See a lawyer. A really good lawyer, ask around. You don't have to start the D proceedings, but can find out about child support. Collect all the financial info you can. Even if he checked "single" on his 401, he wasn't and you are likely to be entitled to part of that in a settlement. <p>I'm sorry you have come to this point.

Left,
Plan A/B is not for everyone I could tell you that since I am in it, up down and inside out feeling.<p>Yes H is a selfish #$@%!$%%% and a rat but it is 10 years that you want to call it quit. Stop analyzing H !!!. It will sucked you in his fog. One question you have to ask yourself, is H was WS-H and always is ?. If H is not WS-H that you are living with now then you owe yourself plan A. My W is not WS that I see now, not a bit.<p>Many WS like my W talks D many many many time ... do they exceute it ?. Most of it no, why ? They are in the FOG and they need to justify their A with saying "I am not going to be married soon so A is not betrayal but Love A.". More sickenning tought, they echo the word from OP !!!. Typical WS ... let him do it and have no mercy on $$$$ to protect your self if H goes with it.(Oppsh by Blue Cantrell ... hit'em hard).<p>However if you can block your mind from analyzing H and his motive/behavior/talk in the fog you could do plan A. Remember in plan A is on you and you have to give unconditionally, no demand and no expectation. Please read MB and understand MB. You have to reach acceptance in your grivence of betrayal then work on plan A. I think you are still in anger stage. Calm down, take weekend off from H and do something that you enjoy and then think it over again.<p>If you still want to move on ... please post here or in D/D ... we all hang to gether and cling to each other trying to ride this storm ... any news might help others.<p>
Good luck [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Dear leftalone,
You are not left alone. God will take care of you and give you light at the end of every dark tunnel, especially this one. There IS life after a divorce and it is not the end of the world, only the marriage. God is your Provider with or without a man. He WILL take good care of you! Hang in there kiddo and you don't need to leave MB! This information is good and works for any relationship!

Dear LA,<p>Your time here is relatively short. I have been on GQII since Jan 01. I went to the D/d and preg/child during this same time. <p>Please don't leave. I shared where I posted to let you see that many of us go to different areas at different points in our life. <p>The d/d site has many good people that have helped me. You will find support there also. Your situation is tentative at best. There is no guarantee it will go either way. So stay where there is support for both. Please don't throw us away yet. <p>Take Care,
L.

leftalone,
I'm so sorry for your pain. It sounds as though your H is still deep in the fog. What really breaks by heart is knowing that you have a 6 yr old that your H so selfishly has put on the side as well. You will be okay. Remember plan A is about you to make you a better person whether or not you are with H. Think about yourself and your D now. You really should find yourself a good lawyer and at least get child support for your D.
She is entitled to that. Please don't leave yet I agree with Orchid there is alot of support here for you. Please keep posting so that we know you and your D are okay.
<<<Hugs>>>
C