I have not written in a while, because it has just been too hard to.<p>Well, things have gotten much worse. I am doing much better personally, but I do not have the patience to keep getting beat up emotionally by my WS. <p>I have had it and am about ready to go. She has this weekend to decide if she wants to work on us. If she says no, then I am fine with ending the marriage. If she says yes, I do not know if I will be able to build the trust back up.<p>Here is the question I have... the OM's family knows he has a girlfriend, but not that she is married. I have several email addresses and phone numbers. I sooooo badly want to expose him to his family. I also think that this is just revenge, and that nothing good can come from doing something so negative.<p>In a way, I know doing that will end my marriage, because my wife will be furious. That does not bother me too much. <p>My question is, could there be any REAL justification in me doing that? Morally, I do not think I can do it. <p>People who think that I should not, please speak up.... I am on the verge of acting on the impulse. <p>It is very messed up, and I sure I can be condemned by others for even considering this. I am sooo angry [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] , I do not know what else to do right now.<p>thanks... [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ November 03, 2001: Message edited by: arthur1234 ]</p>

Hi Arthur, <p>You won't get 'comdemned' here. You are feeling betrayed (as our title indicates) because you are. <p>You want very much to contact the OM's family. List out your reasons and see what it looks like on paper. That is how the others may view it. <p>Step back and look at the whole picture. If your W is going to be furious, is she really ready to come back? I mean, when the spouse comes back it should include looking out for the interests of the BS. So is she really ready to commit? Maybe you should put of this idea for 1 more week. Can you do that?<p>L.

I agree with Orchid. WHen my H left, he didn't think anyone should know - not his parents, brother etc. Well, I told the family, and he was FURIOUS at me. It's anger that he likes to remember to make his decision to leave easier for him, so think about your motives for a little while. Think about how your in-laws and WS would react. The in-laws will eventually find out soon enough, and it might be making the WS feel even more guilty by hiding it from them too.

thanks for your replies...<p>I have been considering this for a long time, but I have put it off, because I think it would be a death knell for our marriage.<p>Oh, to put things straight a little, I am not going to tell my in-laws, but the OM's family.<p>As it is, my wife is with her family right now. I basically gave her the ultimatum, that she decide this weekend, or I give up.<p>I have been plan A'ing for a couple of months, and am just so furious with her, that I do not want things to work out. If she came to me, said she wants to work things out, will agree to no-contact, and will come clean about the lies she has been making while I have been plan A'ing and not confronting, then I might stay around.<p>I will try to put my thoughts down, and weigh them out. I will definitely not do this until my wife makes her decision. <p>I am thinking about informing the OM that I am considering this action....

OK, arthur.. you want the voices of reason?? here we are to save the day!!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] Don't do ANYTHING when you are upset. Take a deep breath... and wait. You know what I do sometimes... when I feel like doing something like that... write a letter to those people - or to WS. If not writing, then screaming at the top of your lungs.... when noone is around [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>Seriously, I'm not sure that anything good will come from that. WS will be furious, you will feel some guilt and perhaps embarrassment, and family and friends will be dragged into an emotional battle that's better for them to avoid. hmmmm??? I dunno. does that make sense?<p>I understand your frustration and temptation. The 2 little things I did to try to shake up OW, came back to me from WS H as me trying to be controlling - trying to be MEAN to his precious OW(she's "not a bad person, ya know!!!"). Just pushed him to her side to defend her even more.<p>If you are truly ready to give up, then you need to think about Plan B. Here's a link about Plan b. read up and think about it.<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000177.html<p>We're here for ya. Vent here, and maybe that will help you get it out of your system.

(sniff) I just wrote a really long response, and lost it, because I was not logged in.....<p>
thanks for the advice. <p>About plan B, I think that I am past that stage. Unless things go perfectly tomorrow night, I want out. We have been married for 27 months, and she has been having an affair for 10 of them. 5 after I found out. <p>We don't exactly have deep roots here, or much to try to save. The only thing I am trying to do is give us one last chance, because I think divorce should be the last choice (just my opinion...)<p>thanks guys

thanks .... I just realized you guys gave me exactly what I needed. time to calm down and think things out.<p>For anyone else in my position.... here is my advice... Do not WASTE your time [our time is our life] thinking like this. Well, you have to think it and get it out of your system. I DWELLED on it all afternoon.<p>Here is what I realized... Hurting him is not going to do anything positive for me, no matter how much he deserves it [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] By devoting so much of my time on this topic, I have let this person take away another chunk of my life. No more. I may give in and imagine breaking his knees or something, but anymore than that, and I am just sowing the wrong fields.<p>Thanks for the help!

[img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

I would agree with you Arthur that you should not say anything until after the weekend when you wife decides. I would have to question why you would want too after she has been in such a long term affair after such a short time in your marriage.
Nevertheless it is your decision and your happiness that is important.
If on the other hand she returns and leaves you for the OM, then I would tell your inlaws and his family about the situation. There should be repercussions to individuals who deliberate lie, cheat and destroy families. This is just my opinion. I wish you luck.

Thanks again...<p>It is about an hour until she gets home. I am nervous about handling everything right, and a little scared. <p>On the other hand, I am looking forward to waking up and knowing where things are going, and which way I will be moving forward.<p>About the inlaws... this sucks, but I think her dad is cheating on her mom!! Definitely and EA, and probably a PA. I sooo much want to rip into him about it, but have not yet, because it would reveal his daughter's indiscretion... because I am being loyal to her.....