Well, we had our first post D-day (10/28) fight today. I asked my W to give me the access code for her cell phone. She said no. She said that she would show me who has called, but I cannot get the digits. This immediately lead into a fight. Me being persistent on getting the code and her questioning why I wanted them. "Are you going to start following me to work?" she asked. No, because you didn't have an A on your way to work. You did have an A using your cell phone and Yahoo e-mail account. She has since stopped using that e-mail account. What bothered me the most about the argument is her behavior. It is exactly what she does when she is hiding something and I'm close to finding out. She left to do some plans with friends (the A happened 4hrs away so I know she isn't going there). I totally broke down. I haven't done so much crying and screaming in a long time. She called me about 2hrs after she left and apologized for the fight. I told her we will talk about it when she gets home. Now I'm waiting for her to get home.<p>Thanks

I feel you have every right to have access to any passwords or codes on e-mail accts or cell phone. My WH had A this way also he racked about 2,000 dollars on a cell phone bill to OW [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] I feel if the WS does not give up passwords or codes then they are still hiding something.I had this happen to me. I know the pain you are feeling,just try not to LB and def. make boundaries. Love Sally

burns<p>She is in the fog. She will come in and out of in. Don't let everything she says bother you or It will drive you crazy. WS say many things they do not mean. Be her friend and be ready to listen to her. She will open up in time and tell you everything. I don't think I would push the code issue at this time.<p>I have followed some of your posts and feel you are on the right track.<p>SAA will tell you everything you need to do it is a wonderful book. You will learn so much from it and all about the A.<p>I was ready for divorce and now my WH has ended the A and is trying at home. Up and downs. Now most of the time up. <p>We will survive this and think how much stronger we will be. I feel proud of myself for the way I have handled my H affair.<p>Stay strong <p>
SLH

burns,<p>WHY won't she give you the access code? If she wants you to be reassured she should WANT to give it to in order prove herself. Doesn't she want you to trust her again? You can't trust her again if she continues to be secretive.

Update. After her apology, I have an overwhelming sense of joy and happiness. My W rarely apologies after we argue. I was so moved I went out and bought her half a dozen Stargazers (her favorite). I had them sitting in a vase we got for our wedding by the time she got home. We laid on our bed and started talking again. She agreed to give me the access code to her cell phone (granted she hasn't actually done it yet). She told me how if felt like I was being parenting and demanding. I calmly explained to her that most of my trust in her is gone. Some trust has remained because she ended the A and told me about it, that counts for something! I don't want to live in a relationship where I have to check what my W is doing every five minutes. I've already turned the history back on the web browser and I'm checking it to see if she has been using her private e-mail account (I don't think she knows it). She did once and told me about it during this talk. Later that night, we went out rented a movie and got some sushi. While talking at the table, she mentions something to the effect that "We will work this out". Up until this point it was always a question of if and when we work this out. To me this statement was stated with such conviction as like it was truth. I thought I was going to cry right there. <p>Am I reading too much into what she does and says? Before the A, I wasn't paying attention to her and missed so many signs of trouble. I'm trying to make sure that doesn't happen again. Thanks<p>
Stop and remember...
It isn't always this way
-- Yo La Tengo "The Crying Of Lot G"<p>[ November 04, 2001: Message edited by: burns1471 ]</p>

burns,<p>Sounds as things are going OK for now. Remember there will be up and downs.<p>I feel you and I are at the same place in this mess. My WH has ended A and is home and is trying. Has not told me he wants M to work but his actions are loud and clear.<p>We have had another wonderful weekend together and he is now showing me affection that I so despertly need. <p>Sunshine can come through the fog.<p>Stay strong and contine with plan A<p>SLH

Hi Burns,<p>Here is your quote:
"Am I reading too much into what she does and says? Before the A, I wasn't paying attention to her and missed so many signs of trouble. I'm trying to make sure that doesn't happen again."<p>Are you? Maybe. No one except your W can say for sure. She can swing the other way tomorrow. For now you can be happy. Enjoy the good times, work on eliminating the bad. Remember it is not all within your control but the part you can control you can. <p>Hey, maybe it was the sushi?!?!? LOL!!!! I like the stuff too. Only joking. We want to see you smile!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Take Care,
L.