Is there anyone out there who has been through the pain and all the work involved? Can you tell me, was it worth it? Sometimes I feel like I just resent having to do all the work when I've been wronged and she says she isn't capable of doing more. Will this feeling change?

Seeking, I think thats a question only you can answer. Some of the answer is situational some will be personality. Can you honestly get past the hurt? Is there circumstances that enables you to understand and forgive? Is there enough love? <p> I can tell you what I looked at in answering the same question... For me it boiled down to love. My W has been part of my soul for 20 years and I'm not willing to live the rest of my days with the regrets I'd feel if I left her. Also there is extenuating cirumstances, yes W chose the A but I surely provided the soil for the seeds to grow.<p>This is a very hard situation, I'm sorry that you find yourself here with the rest of us. The best advice is not to make any life-changing desicions while in turmoil (as you surely are now). read all you can and listen to some of the great people around here. I wish You all the best! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Seeking<p>I know your pain and I can say I feel it is worth it in my situation. My WH was a wonderful, funny person and not to mention a great father to our son and my son from another M.<p>I think if there are other issues to think about ie. drugs, drinking or abuse then I would have to really think if it would be worth trying to save the M.<p>Look at your life before the A and see what you come up with. I do feel things can't and won't stay bad forever and when he comes out of the fog completly it will be wonderful again. (now if he has another A than I do feel at that time it will be over. for him I might kill him)hehe.<p>Take care of you and take one day at a time.<p>Stay strong<p>SLH

Hi Seeking,<p>I'm not totally there yet, but I'm coming up on 5 months from d-day. Has it been the hardest thing I've ever done? YES! Have I seen inprovement? YES Have I been able to forgive her? NOT YET! Do I still love her and want to continue to swallow my pride? YES!<p>Pride is what is making you feel like things are not fair. I know because I fought the same battle. For some reason it is the BS that seems to do the majority of the work in moving toward recovery. You have to get over the fact that it is not an equal process, at least at this stage.<p>I had to pray daily for the Lord to take pride out of my heart, because pride is a tool of Satan. Give up the pride and things will start looking better for you. Keep improving yourself during Plan A and she will notice the changes and start matching your intensity in moving toward recovery.<p>Good Luck [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]