brief summary H had a short EA about a year ago and ended it when i found out. things have been rocky since then we have had good and bad days.
My problem today would be this
Recently our car broke down and needs about 300 dollars worth of repair which we dont have money is tight and other bills are taking predence right now<p>my mother had offered to give me a ride home from work the other night after she picked me up she stopped at her house to make dad dinner before she brought me home (this takes her about 1/2 hour) so I called H and told him that i would be home asap as soon as mom was finished. H ranted and raved and screamed at me on the phone because i wasnt going to be home on time granted i was 45 minutes later than usual... On the phone he tells me to tell my mother that next time she picks me up to bring me directly home. I refused to tell my mom this (beggars cant be choosers) and i needed the ride home.
Im not sure exactly why he is all bent out of shape about me being 45 minutes late its not like my time was unaccounted for. I dont know if he is jealous of my family or what but the way he tries to dictate my life is driving me nuts.
H had to watch our toddler while i worked the other night and he called me at work and TOLD me i was quitting because he had made plans to clean out the garage. (H is not working at the time)
I cannot live like this i dont try to control his ever move he goes out with friends when he wants and i dont say anything. how do i get him to stop acting like this i have tried to tell him how i feel and he will stop until the next time something doesnt go his way
I am due to deliver our son in about 3 weeks i dont need any added stress
thanks all for your help
Luv
Roxy

There are so many things wrong with this picture!
You are working.
He is not working.<p>You are pregnant.
He is complaining about taking care of the child you already have.<p>He wants you to quit work because it interferes with his time to do what he wants to do?!! Excuse me? But, if you quit, then who will be working? Obviously you are going to have to take some time off very soon for the birth of your new son. Do you have a good maternity leave plan at your office? Will you be paid? What will happen then? Who will take care of the baby when you go back to work?<p>Your H sounds like he is not feeling very good about himself and is lashing out at you because of it. He isn't taking care of his family and it probably makes him depressed. I understand you want to help him, but you also must take care of yourself and the children. <p>Roxy:how do i get him to stop acting like this i have tried to tell him how i feel and he will stop until the next time something doesnt go his way

ARGHHH! I hit post reply before I was finished.<p>Your question is "how do I make him stop acting like this?"
You won't like the answer even though you already know it. You can't. You can't make him do or stop doing anything. You can decide that you aren't going to tolerate it anymore. You can tell him what you think about his behavior. You can tell him how you feel. You can even tell him what you are going to do if he keeps it up. But, that is about all.<p>Please take care of yourself. Your kids need you to.
Best,
M

is it just me or are my issues so insignificant that i dont get many replies?<p>ps ty wiffle

LOR---<p>Naah...it ain't you or your issues, I see quite a few posts here that get minimal replies. I am guilty at times of not replying myself.<p>Sometimes it's a lack of time...sometimes I just don't think I can add much to the issues.<p>If you don't mind me saying you seem to be stuck between a Rox & and a hard place.<p>Your H is acting like a spoiled child. Is this new behavior or typical?<p>He should be thankful that... <p>1. He has a wife working bringing in the only income for the family---while she is three weeks away from delivering a baby, too, fercryinoutloud.<p>2. He has in-laws who are willing to try to help. <p>Is there a reason he is not working? Can you borrow the $$$ to fix the car? Won't you need some reliable transportation after the baby comes?<p>Wiffle is right---you can't MAKE him behave the way you want or make him more responsible. <p>You probably won't like this but: You seem to be the responsible one here and will have to keep being that until (if?) your H grows up. It's easy for me to say, but I guess you will have to do what you think is best for you and your children and if he throws a fit--let him. You may have to treat him like a child when he throws his tantrums. <p>It doesn't seem like he is being fair to you or your family...and like we have said...you CANNOT change that.<p>I'm not trying to be mean and I hope you don't take this wrong but I think I'm probably just poiinting out the obvious.<p>Sorry I can't offer more insight or support but I can offer good wishes. Hang in there...<p>Good luck<p>E

Rox,<p>Your issues are ABSOLUTELY NOT INSIGNIFICANT! I imagine that many folks haven't posted replies for the same reason that I haven't....I'm just so dumbfounded that your H would act this way.<p>All I FEEL like advising you to do is lay down the law to him. Tell him that he either treat you with love and respect, get a decent job, and participate in the M or you'll dump his A$$ in the street. But I hesitate to ACTUALLY suggest you do that, because it is WAY out of line w/ the MB principles (to my mind). <p>I agree that you can't MAKE him change, but he definitely NEEDS to do just that. I don't know if you can have a heartfelt (non-LB) discussion with him and let him know that you are NOT happy and that you'd like to try to make your marriage better. Maybe you could get into marriage counselling (but if so, I HIGHLY reccommend you find a counsellor who teaches the MB principles, they DO keep a list of counsellors who profess to teach them...give the counselling center a call).<p>I just wish we wouldn't treat each other that way, this forum would be a MUCH happier place (not to mention all of our marriages) if that were the case.<p>Know that my prayers will be with you.<p>Kev

LOR,<p>It beats me why some men act like this - with a toddler in tow and a wife due to give birth a man should be a lot more supportive than this.<p>All I can say is take a 2x2 and beat him round the head with it - might knock some sense into him. Ok, ok, I know it's against MB principles although I'm sure there's a chapter in His Needs Her Needs about knocking sense into a Spouse [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>take care of the babies,<p>- Freddy

ok thanks for all the encouraging and not so encouraging words.
I appreciate honesty above all else
in H's Defense i will say that we made an agreement when i went back to work FT that he would play the stay at home dad. ( mind you i had to fight to get this) H wasnt too happy with it but his work history is .... foggy ... at best.
ANd frankly quite undependable. i never know from one day to the next if hes going to still have a job. whereas I trust myself to hold a job and have some security with it.<p>So it was agreed that i would work FT and he would take care of the baby.<p>after 3 weeks of this H decided he wanted to go to work he didnt like sitting home [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] so now i have hired my sister to watch our toddler on the days i work. however H still hasnt gotten a full time job.<p>3 days ago My mother GAVE us a minvan that needs some minor work.... windshield and a valve job. but drivable...and for the most part dependable
all we need to do is get a battery and register it.<p>Since then H has been complaining about the condition of the van ... the battery. ...etc...
this really ticks me off because it was a GIFT! and it runs unlike our other car. I just cant win for losing. the battery in the car isnt the right kind to fit the van and H was once again yelling at me because of something i cant control.<p>I guess we could say I get yelled at every day for dumb stuff.... the later i will get an apology... which means nothing to me anymore since i hear it so often.<p>His excuse is that he doesnt feel well or is tired.<p>
[img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]
i still dont understand why he treats me like that because he sick or tired... i dont treat him like that.<p>God i just dont know how to win here.
i love him but i can only take so much.<p>thanx all<p>luv,
roxy

roxy,
Have you sat down in a calm moment and talked about all these issues with him. I mean why pay your sister to babysit when he's still available.<p>It's good you vent here so the stress doesn't build up, but you need to share it with him when he is ready to listen even if after you finish he will be angry. But you can phrase things so that it's not picking at him, but letting him know how hard it all is on you.<p>take good care of yourself.
Debbie