How do you survive the holidays? I have been trying to get STBX to say what he likes for the holidays.<p>I let him come Halloween & take YS out Trick or Treating? I have offered him all of Thanksgiving Break form the 17th to the 25th. I am not sure what he is doing, but I believe he is taking them.<p>I have tried discussing Christmas, as YS still believes or says he does, we have agreed St Nick only one place. I have asked to have them Christmas or at least through the afternoon, and then he could have them rest. I did tell him, as it is YS last yr to believe, that if he wanted to be here Christmas morning he was welcome.<p>I don't know his plans, he won't commit to anything. His comment it all makes him sad. Well this is what he wanted

But what killing, is not the fact my children won't be home on Thanksgiving, it is the fact that they will be spending a holiday with the OW. The person who broke up my family gets my children. I can't stand the fact that she & her family (that have aided her in her pursuit of my STBX) will be with my children. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>How do you deal with this? [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

Sing,
I am so sorry for your pain. it is real and it is true and i do not want to minimize it. but please, oh please, do not worry about Christmas or even Thanksgiving now. in my opinion i do not think you should talk to your STBX about the holidays anymore. You have already expressed your feelings to him about it. Now just wait and see what happens. ALOT can happen in that time period. If things seem "up in the air" right now - allow them to be "up in the air" until the day before Thanksgiving or Christmas. Let him initiate any more conversations about it. Then assume the worse and if it is the worse - you will have already expected it and if it is not that bad then THATS GREAT! I know all of this is easier said than done. Even when you assume the worse have things in mind that you do have control over that can make it a special day for you. Pamper yourself. <p>The fact that his comment was it all makes him sad. may be a sign that the fog is lifting. but it is too soon to tell. are you Plan A'ing?<p>oh i remember how MAD i was when my kids would hang out with OW and H. it hurts. I don't know what to say about that except just cry - let it all out. don't keep your emotions bottled up.
Be real and true to you - if no one is there to hold you - hold yourself. when there is no one to encourage you - encourage yourself. Seek God and he will comfort you. <p>Keep posting. we care about you.

Hi Sing,<p>I just don't know how I would handle it, the OW thing. I don't have kids but I'm very protective over people I love, in a tribal sort of way. I'm afraid I would be LBing and kicking and screaming if I had childrren and my H wanted to have OW participate in their lives. It just seems WRONG! Maybe that's why God didn't have it in his plans for my H and I to have babies. <p>I'm so sorry for your hurt and the pain you must feel over this. All I can think is they know who their real Momma is. This OW won't ever come close to how they feel about you in their hearts. <p>And remember Sing, altho it's hard to imagine, possibly one day, after D (if that happens), your H will have to accept someone that you may become involved with down the line. This is a two way street. <p>I hope you find some comfort and peace during the Holidays. You definitely won't be alone in seeking it. <p>Love to you, Sing honey.<p>Jo

Talk to your sons. What do they want to do? Do they want the holidays this year with just you? or just H? or you and H? or H and OW? Talk to them (as calmly as you can), and tell them that they can do what they want to do, you will accommodate anything EXCEPT you, H, kids and OW altogether... at least not this year.<p>Just my 2 cents worth.<p>Karen

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Topie25:
<strong>Talk to your sons. What do they want to do? Do they want the holidays this year with just you? or just H? or you and H? or H and OW? Talk to them (as calmly as you can), and tell them that they can do what they want to do, you will accommodate anything EXCEPT you, H, kids and OW altogether... at least not this year.<p>Just my 2 cents worth.<p>Karen</strong><hr></blockquote><p>The boys are alright about spending Thanksgiving break with their dad, they want to go their grandparents, it is colder there. They will be happier there, than if they stay with their dad at his place an hr or so away from me. <p>Doubt if STBX, OW & I ever have a holiday together. <p>I recived the following after telling my STBX how I felt about the boys spending time with OW on Thanksgiving<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Second - I am also struggling with Thanksgiving; I don't want you to be
alone. I miss having a family.<hr></blockquote><p>my reply you have a family, You have OW, her D, and the boys.

Stop the Press!<p>Did you say your STBX says he misses his family?<p>I am sorry you are here. It really sucks I know. But you may need to swallow your pride (Again - Sigh). Your comment back to him was a statement to make him pay for what he has done. The sarcastic/truthful comments will not win him back. You have to change your response to him. Why is it he doesn't feel he can spend it with you? Do you want the marriage? Maybe he is just feeling sorry for himself and the mess he has made and he is looking for you to tell him to come home. I really don't know much about your situation. Let us know the details so we can better help you.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by notheard:
<strong>Stop the Press!<p>Did you say your STBX says he misses his family?<p>I am sorry you are here. It really sucks I know. But you may need to swallow your pride (Again - Sigh). Your comment back to him was a statement to make him pay for what he has done. The sarcastic/truthful comments will not win him back. You have to change your response to him. Why is it he doesn't feel he can spend it with you? Do you want the marriage? Maybe he is just feeling sorry for himself and the mess he has made and he is looking for you to tell him to come home. I really don't know much about your situation. Let us know the details so we can better help you.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>notheard,<p>My STBX is living with the OW, so I don't think he has any plans to spend Thanksgiving with me. He misses his sons, seeing them during the wk & part of every wkend is not enough for him. <p>I am not trying to save my marriage anymore, my marriage is over. My marriage was over when my STBX packed up my home, had it shipped back to the states, quit his job and returned to the states to live with OW, while my sons & I were already in the states for homeleave.<p>I have been a poster here for 13 months, and a 18 mth lurker before that, I read all the books before I ever came to the message boards. I did a pretty good Plan A (except for losing enough weight), couldn't go to Plan B as we moved to get away from OW & I was stuck in a foreign country.<p>I posted what I posted about my STBX because I thought it was funny. 3 wks ago I asked him to stop making comments like this, as they hurt me. That if he was leaving OW, I be more than willing to listen to him but if he wasn't & I didn't think he was please do not address these kind of comments to me again.<p>It is funny they always come up during discussions about moeny, how he is giving me everything, and all he ever wanted was a family.<p>If you want to know my story, do a search, especailly from Jan thur June of this yr. <p>thanks for caring

I am sorry sing. It is so sad. There does come a time when we realize there is NOTHING we can do. You can Plan A and Plan B you can reconcile or not - there are just no guarantees. This all must have been so hard for you being in a foreign country and all. I am at a loss for words. Just real sorry your here. You are not alone.

Sing,
I don't really have that type of experience, but I want to let you know that I feel for you. I don't know what I would do if my wife take my kids to see the OM. That hasn't happened. I'm glad it didn't happen during her affair even though she did mention about being together with him and after his kids and her kids go to bed they would cuddle together all night long. I don't know what got into her mind at that time. She thought that I would leave her (may be I will now and am thinking about it) and the OM's wife would leave him and they would happily live together ever after (her fantasy world).