I have been lightly Plan Aing since I had been smothering my WH so much before that he bolted and ran to the OW. Everyone who has talked to him keeps saying that we need to talk, which telle me that things are not unfixable even from his end. It's really the motivation factor, he finds the OW easier to choose, not really a commitment, nothing, just ease. But that is all besides the point. The message I am getting from others is that sure, while he is acting like this, there is no hope, but talking to him they seem to think there is a waffle (at least enough to make them tell him and me that we need to talk).<p>I made so many overatures (sp) before that were rebuffed that I knew I had to back off. He was just withdrawling more and more. I have successfully done this for a month now (my last LB crying jag was early October). But I need some advice on where to go from here. Continuing to ignore and be so very distant is doing nothing, not showing him what he might be missing. Previously I sent him cards (only I overdid it)...would it be wise to send him a card every two weeks now and then, with not too deep stuff in there, maybe something interesting that I know he'd like to read, or just a missive. Just to remind him I am here, I am a friend (albeit a lover as well) and try to remind him what he might have loved about me and that it is still there?<p>I feel like he wouldn't feel these so threatening and overbearing if they were done lightly. Any thoughts? I am just at the point that I feel continuing the way we are right now is not beneficial to the reconciliation of the marriage. I just need some new ideas to spice it up, put a twist, breathe new life into it instead of the same old, same old, that really is only serving to giving us time to get used to NOT being together....<p>Any help would be good... [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] You all always help me so much....

Hi there BJ- I know how you feel. My WH although isn't still seeing OW doesn' know what to do. He kept talking about moving out for a bit so that he could think and what not. So finally I took a leave from work and with the kids headed off to visit family. I am on my last week of a one month visit. <p>Its hard to tell how he is trully feeling on the phone. Some days I get optimistic and other days I feel dejected. But he has said the he misses me a couple of times and I have gotten an occasional I love you.<p>I think that distance might make them realize what they don't have. I called a few times but he mostly did the contacting. I sent a few cards with pics of the kids so he could see what they were up too. Nothing too mushy just letting him know that I was thinking of him. <p>If your friends are telling you tat he seems to be waffling then you really need to try and talk with him.<p>I wish you good luck and hope the best for you. I'll be thinking and praying for you.--KID

Hi BJoanne,<p>I know that plan A is very tough for us BS's. It is difficult for me to make everything look o.k. on the outside, while rockets red glare is going off on the inside.<p>I too, was told to back off by WW and therapist. Was told I was wanting recovery to come to fast(who wouldn't want fast recovery). So, I took there advise and backed off for about a month, just as you have. I was not to bring up any conversation that had to do with our relationship or future. I had to wait for WW to move toward me when she was open to discuss these things. Well, as you can imagine, nothing happened. The pressure was now off of her to deal with things, so now they were getting ignored totally. I put up with it for another month, and same thing. The only time relationship was discussed was in actual therapy session. I am so far backed off now, that I am damn near in the next county. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>The thing that I can't get through to her or therapist is that the longer it takes for her to move toward me and discuss these issues, the more my heart is hardening. I am miserable, and she is very content with same old situation, because she doesn't have to deal with anything unless she wants to.<p>So, I know what you are going through, however I don't really have any answers for you. All I can do is hope that by not boxing her into a corner, she will eventually find her way back to me and open up her heart once again. Your H has to have the opportunity to step back and see a happy you, without him. Do the things that make you happy!!!! For some reason, when the WS see's us BS's being happy without them, they feel they are missing something and want to be a part of it again. Don't ask me why!!!!!<p>Good Luck [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]