For the second time in two days I reacted without thinking to H's treatment of the boys, which I have felt has been overly harsh during and since his A.<p>This led him to say "I can't stand this S###." I asked what specifically did he mean? <p>He said that I had asked his help with middle son who was being disrespectful (I had)however, H was being overly harsh and middle son was tired...I should have been more specific about HOW I wanted him to help...<p>anyway...we went into round ??? regarding our 'marriage.'<p>What I said...<p>You don't look at me. You don't see me. I am invisible. It took you six months to notice that I had new glasses one year.<p>I will no longer accept your justifications and blame for your A...YOU DID IT. YOU MADE THE CHOICE. Nothing I did or didn't do CAUSED YOU to do it.<p>GROW UP. (Yeah...not good, I know.) You can either be married or NOT. You can't be both. <p>Quit going back to the fact that "You didn't want to be married in the first place." It is neither here nor there. Fact. You are married. You now have to choose to stay married or NOT.<p>I also told him that despite my angry outbursts and critical judgments of him that I had stood by him through job change after job change...bankruptcy, car repos, ETC., ETC.,ETC. That I wasn't into martyrdom, but that 5 years ago I made peace with who he was and why I loved HIM and that working through it is more important than walking away from it...so if he didn't believe that I really LOVED HIM...there wasn't much I could do to make him think otherwise.<p>And there was more...we went pretty deep into early hurts and traumas. I let it all hang out as they say...and except for the grow up comment and one explicitive aimed at him...I did pretty good in the LB realm...<p>Bottom line for me is he has to make a choice to stay in the house. If he chooses family, he is choosing marriage...if he is choosing marriage, he is choosing me...if he is choosing me there needs to be certain protections and respectful actions put into place...just as I have done.<p>I guess all that's left is to set an 'expiration' date.<p>That's it.
C A L I

Plan B time, hun?<p>{{{{{C A L I}}}}}

You've given it a good long try Cali.
You're on the right path. You've done all
you can and should do.<p>Pick your date and stick to it. We're all pulling for him to snap out of it.<p>Good luck to you.

Hi,
So it doesn't matter which topic you start out with, you end up down the same ol same ol topic of the A. hm...... if it were me TA, what would you say? <p>Let me venture to say that I would need you to tell me something like, sounds like someone needs a 'time out here'. Kinda time apart, to cool down. RE: Not every interaction is related to the A. Sometimes other things need to be dealt with. Like reality, paying bills, dealing with kids, making bills, in-laws, work, getting paid, housework, yardwork, etc. <p>So if you never reach your destination (in that car you previously spoke about), may the driver needs to step out and take a breather. I mean some drivers actually ruin their vehicles and eventually those vehicles stop running. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Anyway, that's the kick in the pants, I probably would need. <p>
L.

TA, it sounds like you handled it okay. Not too much LBing...<p>Hang in there. Let us know how you make out. Thanks for the update!!<p>HbH