Hi all,<p>A week ago I sent my H the Plan B letter. Besides two very quick calls from my H on Sunday and Monday (business matters, although I don't know why he didn't e-mail me like usual) we have had no contact. I am very depressed but holding strong. However, if there are any Plan B success stories- I am needing them now more than ever.<p>Thanks.<p>AS

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by advice seeker:
<strong>Hi all,<p>However, if there are any Plan B success stories- I am needing them now more than ever.<p>Thanks.<p>AS</strong><hr></blockquote>
What do you mean by “success?” Plan B CANNOT fail if you do it correctly. Doesn’t mean you will save your marriage though.

Hi AS,<p>I can't give you much of a success story, since I started on plan B same day as you.
I would also like to hear an engouriging plan B story. Succes meaning as WS coming out of fog and back to the M for good.
How long were you on plan A? Are you sure you didn't go to plan B too early? I was on plan A (not knowing about MB, so also LBd a lot) 10 months, did a short plan B (still not knowing about MB) of three weeks and H started to come around and it was leading to a first attempt of moving back together, (we have been separated just over a year now).
Since H was still in contact with OW (by then I had found MB)I tried plan B again, lasted only two weeks and H was coming around again and started talking about moving in. Didn't work, I get a feeling he's not completely ready to commit and over OW so had to do it again. For this first week there hasn't been any contact, I picked up our sons from his place on Sunday, didn't talk with him. He texted me earlier that day asking what time I would be there, my reply: 3pm. So I am pleased I have been able to keep it short and am able to hold onto the plan. It's not so simple with the kids, but can be done.
I miss him and would be more than ready to give our marriage a chance. His coming and going started to cause more pain than pleasure, that's why I knew it was time for no contact.
Whatever the outcome I am sure each of us on plan B can say we haven't failed.
Hang in there and know you are not alone.
Take care

Okay, you are talking to the plan B queen (jsut ask WAT), I actually went there 3 times!!! Here's my story, hope it helps you:<p>D-day was April 2001. H was having EA with friend from school. H doesn't love me, not into the marriage. H supposed to move out in June to go figure out what he wants, etc. Ends up re-starting contact with OW on June 4th. Tells me on June 6th and I go into plan B. (was in plan A for 3 weeks before he moved out).<p>I would not be involved with him while he was with her. H FREAKED when he saw plan B letter, yelled, screamed, broke into house, did everything to try and gain control.<p>H went into a severe depression. He did not see his kids for a month and his EA turned PA for 3 weeks.<p>I broke plan B to talk to my H (at his request) in late June. It was an EXCELLENT talk and I would not change a thing. It made H realize he had something to come back to - if he chose to end his affair and work on himself/marriage.<p>Went right back to plan B (#2) when I realized H was not willing yet to give up OW. Lasted another 2 weeks, was VERY tough on my H, but at least he started to see the kids occassionally. He was still severely depressed.<p>H again asked to speak with me. Again, I agreed. Again, it was very moving and ended up being very worth it. H told me it was over with OW, and we started to rebuild. EA was still going on, but I did not know it, PA had ended.<p>I found out H had gone PA and I flipped out. Went right back to plan B (BAD IDEA). I did not do this for me, I did this to get away from him and make him suffer. It was wrong. H went back to OW because he thought he had lost me for good.<p>We reconciled after a few days (I realized my mistake). H tells me about his contact (no PA, just talked EA). H starts his counseling the next week. His EA ends 2 weeks later, our marriage counseling starts soon thereafter, H sends no-contact letter a little over a month later.<p>That brings us to early September. From there, H and I date alot, go to counseling, and just try to deal. <p>Today, H loves me again, he hates OW for taking advantage of him (and hates himself for letting it happen). H is living at home now and gave notice so his life-line (apartment) goes away Dec. 1.<p>So, I guess that would sort of be a successful plan B story. I just could not stay in plan A once he re-started contact with OW, so for me, I had to go to plan B, to protect my sanity.<p>I have no regrets. It was the best thing I could have ever done for myself. I was at a point at one time where it didn't matter if my H and I got back together, yes I wanted it, but I was ready to accept if we did not and move on.<p>That was a great feeling. Remember, plan B is NOT to try and get your H back. It is FOR YOU. To help YOU detach yourself from the situation so you stop getting hurt and you can learn to deal with the outcome, regardless of what it is.<p>I am very happy my plan B turned out the way it did. BUT, I was also very aware that it might not. And I was okay with that.<p>HbH

hbh,<p>Thanks for sharing your inspiring story. I will be in position to plan B in the next couple of months. It is something that is absolutely necessary for me at this point. I can accept my life without my W, but I cannot continue to live with this pain. The emptiness and sadness I feel right now is only made worse by seeing her everyday. I may call on you for pointers/advice at that time.<p>sad dad

I wouldn't call ours a success yet (Ms. Skeptical here 0- LOL!!). We went from d/d to plan A to plan B to today. <p>I will tell you that my story wore out many here. It even wore me out. So much that I no longer wanted my marriage I just wanted the OW out of my life! <p>So when people say they are in plan B, you may not realize what they went through to get there. Which may mean that if you listen to a lot of those who have implemented plan B (or at least tried to), you will find a very long road. Well worth the trip if the WS is not treating the BS and family with respect. Preservation of life, love and family is important and plan B plays a big part in this process. <p>Let's see if I can keep my rendition short (no guarantees!!! LOL [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] )<p>1. d/d 11/22/00
2. EA August 00
3. PA Sept/Oct 00
4. 1st prego scare Nov 00
5. WS moved out 12/31/00
6. BS found MB end of Dec 00, joined Jan 01.
7. BS in shock from Nov 00 - Feb 01
8. Anxiety attacks from Dec 00 - Oct 01
9. BS went to plan A mid Jan 01
10. BS went to plan B March 01
11. WS attempted move back home Apr 01
12. BS Preg. beginning May 01
13. OW claimed prego #2 mid May 01
14. BS miscarried end of June 01
15. Ow prego disappeared July 01
16. WS went to jail July 01
17. WS lived 10 days with OW July 01
18. WS tried to come home again July 01
19. OW claimed prego #3 Aug 01
20. WS was asked to leave Aug 01
21. WS asked to stay Aug 01
22. BS attempted suicide Aug 01/Sept 01
23. WS Real return with mind, heart & soul Oct 01.
24. WS slipped in Nov 01 got angry at BS and threatened to take child to OW's place. Then apologized.<p>Note: Just before plan B was implemented in March 91, BS had a 'dream' about a nice man treating her to a nice homecooked meal and a nice day bike riding near the ocean. This strengthened the resolve in the BS that she was not trash and the possibility of being loved agian was within her grasp. I share this sort of silly tale to let you know that sometimes our minds and bodies let us know when we have reached a stage to move on with our lives. <p>Even now, if my H should turn back into a WS, no matter where he goes, I can make it. I will make it. I have made it. I have learned that I can control myself. I have also learned that the WS usually wants a lot of control on the BS and family. That piece needs to be straightened out. <p>Take Care,
L.

Thanks everyone for responding. I guess I was a bit misdirected in asking for Plan B success stories- Chris is right, plan B can't fail if you do it right, but doesn't necessarily mean marriage can be saved.<p>I guess I want to hear the stories that tell about the marriage being saved.<p>I am beginning to think I did go into Plan B too early. What do I do now though- I have already given him the letter and have enforced the no contact rule for a week (that is the worst). <p>I am going to explain the situation a little- I would love feedback. We first separated because husband was confused. At that point, didn't really put together EA with co-worker, although it now makes sense. We separated for two months, and then I went to him and said that we had too much to just throw it all away. We began to date again. I hadn't yet discovered MB, so I did occasionally LB. This happened the two times I caught him in a lie- I hate liars, and both times they involved her! But, for the most part, I would consider it a very successful Plan A (especially without having had the benefit of MB). <p>H was off of work for a week and things were going so well. We had even decided that he would come back to our home on November 1. Things were great. But, when he returned to work, he started acting weird. Still wanted to come over to our home, but was depressed. Then it hit me, he had feelings for OW- a co-worker. I confronted him and even said I could live with "feelings" if he would commit 100% to making our marriage work and stop contact with OW. He couldn't give me the 100% and so we mutually decided we were done. I then called OW and discovered that it was also a PA (tricked her into revealing this). At first, H couldn't even admit this too me. He was devastated- to this day he gets sick every morning (according to his mother). He finally told me the truth (at least I think so) and according to him, the PA didn't begin until we were separated and only happend twice. However, he was definitely having an EA. In his mind they were, "Just good friends." H was trying to find another job though- he definitely wanted us to work, but, after I discovered everything I think he felt too much guilt about EA/PA. <p>Anyway, the day he finally told me the truth I made it clear that as long as he was with her, he couldn't be with me. I told him I needed to distance myself in the mean time. So, we have had very little contact since then.<p>Then, a week ago I sent him the Plan B letter. He knows that I love him, realize I made lots of mistakes (we were only married a year and I now realize I was often condenscending to him), and will get back together with him if he finds a new job and cuts ties with OW. <p>Now all I want to do is call him. I haven't yet, but I so want to. Yet, I also think (and my friends are adamant about this) that it is now upto him to contact me. As some would say, "the ball is in his court."<p>I just don't know if H has the guts to reconcile- I know he loves me and has never stopped loving me (his words) but I think he believes that he messed up so bad that there is no turning back. I have a very close knit family and group of friends, and I don't know if he could ever face them again. I am afraid this is what is keeping him away. <p>I am also afraid that I did begin Plan B too quickly. He was obviously confused about many things- how this could happen to us so quickly in our marrige (we dated five wonderful years prior to marriage- he never cheated) and I forced him to make a decision. In some ways, I think he wanted me to end things- easier that way.<p>In the time we have been apart, he has yet to come to me and even say anything about wanting us to try again. I am so confused, I don't know what to do. Did I start Plan B too early? Is it too late to go back? He already has the letter- won't it look awful and make him think less of me if I then disregard everything I said in the letter. Should I wait for him to contact me? Is it okay to call his mother to see how things are going (we have a close relationship). This is awful. <p>I feel like I should hate him and want to get angry- yet I don't. I defend him- everyone I know hates him at this point. They just hate to see me hurting like I am. <p>Sorry this is so long- I am just so confused and unsure of what I have done/am doing. <p>AS

Oh yeah, thanks for your inspirational stories Hurtbyhubby and Orchid!<p>AS

As, you've already given him the plan B letter, no regrets. I know it is hard, but stick to your guns. Work on yourself and if your H is ever serious and ready to work things out with you, it will happen.<p>If you go back now and ever have to do plan B again, it will be much harder to implement.<p>Now, if he starts trying to contact you.... Well, that will be your decision. Depending on his attitude and what you think he wants, it will be okay if you break it for a day to see if he is ready to reconcile. If not, back to plan B.<p>I thought I had gone to plan B too soon as well at first. Had doubts, but then when I started to really think about it, it was okay. After 2 weeks in plan B, I actually started to like it. I felt more alive, OW was out of my life, etc.<p>Also, I think WAT has an excellent plan B success story. He did not get his wife back, but he has done wonders with himself and he is a stronger man because of it...<p>Good luck.
HbH

Thanks hurtbyhubby,<p>I just re-posted my question under a new topic because I had not heard anything. Funny you wrote when you did.<p>Yeah, you are so right. I think I have doubts when I am feeling lonely and depressed. Sundays are so hard for me- has anyone else noticed this? I guess because H and I spent many Sunday's at soccer games (he coached) and now I
don't do this. I am usually with family on Sundays, but still find myself thinking about H.<p>Also, my sister is getting M in June and when H and I reconciled- they asked H to be in wedding. Now I will be alone, and somehow that makes me so very sad.<p>I guess I need to continue to better myself- work on me. Only time can tell what will happen with H and myself. <p>AS

Hi Advice Seeker,<p>Pls go here and read, there are a few links within this thread that have Plan B success stories from MB Old Timers.<p>Best,
Jo<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000177.html

Thanks Jo, I like to get as much info. on Plan B that I can. Okay- I am going to digress a bit. I am now such a skeptic. I ran into a couple of people I know from college- one is married (male) and one is single (female). What were they doing together? They do not work together. It was probably innocent, but I now question everyone! And, I am constantly hearing stories about infidelity. What is this world coming to? It seems like nobody takes their marital vows seriously anymore.<p>Okay, sorry about that. Just needed to vent. I am having a bad day- I haven't talked to H (except business) in a month. This is so hard- just over a month ago we were trying to work things out and really enjoying each other. Is he suffering as much as me? I wonder this so often. I would love to know. I didn't realize (I guess I did, but didn't think I had a choice if I wanted any self-respect) how hard it is to just cut things off. He was my best friend. <p>Hope everyone else is having a better day than me.<p>AS

Yeah, same here Advice Seeker.<p>Lora (another MB member) was telling me about this neighbor of her's that is on his cell alot outside of his house in the driveway.<p>My instant thoughts were "HE'S HAVING AN AFFAIR!"<p>Guess we're very Affair Aware due to what we've been thru. Nature of the beast.<p>Jo