Works every time. The gals can't stay away from a subject like that!<p>Seriously, this is a question for guys to relate to because I think we're hard wired to solve problems:<p>How can we tell when we get to the point that we just really want to figure out how to solve this problem for solving's sake? I mean, I feel like maybe my goal now is not so much to restore my marriage, but to prove myself right and to achieve a goal in "solving a problem."<p>My favorite humor columnist, Dave Barry - a guy's guy - relates all kinds of "guy" projects that Venusians (gals) understandbly can't relate to because they are not hard wired to see the beauty and challenge in the sport of "solving." My favorite example of Dave's is his periodic topic of a new found solution to get the charcoal ready for cooking faster. Don't remember the current record, but it's on the order of seconds. Another favorite is his reported improvements on the "potato launcher."<p>I think you get the point.<p>So, how can we tell when we've lapsed into "guy mode" and just want to win?<p>WAT<p>[ November 11, 2001: Message edited by: worthatry ]</p>

this is snl on thinkers comp.....don't have any answers but I really need the stuff on the charcoal and potato launcher..thx.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by worthatry:
<strong>So, how can we tell when we've lapsed into "guy mode" and just want to win?</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Hi Dave! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>How can you tell?<p>Well, usually a female of the species will gently point it out to him. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jo <p>p.s. Dave, Seriously, I need some advice, can I email you on your Yahoo acct.?

Yep! "Guys Only" sure got my attention! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Seriously, I know that generally, guys are problem-solvers, but there'e several of us gals that are fixer-types too. I have been struggling with this same thought... I feel like I am too stubborn to give up - to let something go - I BELIEVE it can be fixed - I BELIEVE it should be fixed. I love him and I want to spend my life with him... but yes, a part of me is fighting out of stubborn-ness. I like to "win". I like to be right. But I know I love him and pledged my life and love to him too.<p>Faith1

Yea, Faith, we can make you an honorary guy for now - you certainly have the same thought as I.<p>Jo - fire away.

Hi WAT,
you knew the gals would read if you titled it that way, and you were right. (one of your goals?!)
Many women are also 'hard-wired' if that is what you would call problem solvers.
As for being right, I am not real concerned about that. But I sure would like to figure out a solution to the problems......if I could just figure out what the real problems are!

Hmmm,
Where ARE all the guys? At last count, more of us "Venusians" have responded than the "Martians" [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Seriously, Dave, I tend to agree. I mean about the "solver" thingy. NOT that guys are necessarily more into "solving" - or fixing. Myself? I was always the one who came up with the "solutions" to problems in our M, with the kids or anything else. I guess that's why this RANKLES me soooo much. That he came up with a SOLUTION for his "problems" ALL BY HIMSELF. Without consulting ME!!
[img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Maybe that IS what keeps me going.....wanting to think that his "solution" to our problems is the WRONG one, and he'll finally come around to recognize that only *I* am capable of fixing our stuff. After all, he was ALWAYS the first one to say "sorry."<p>Lupo

Dave,<p>okay, I couldn't help but look [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>I think you maybe on to something, I have wonder this about you. Sorry.<p>My STBX hates to loose anything, even when he is in the wrong. Anytime I say something, he will come right back at with sort of threatening statements that he then has to back off. <p>Now me I don't have to win, I just want to make him and the OW as miserable as possilbe. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I am a very evil person, and I need to find something else to do for amusment. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

WAT<p>I have noticed what I suspect is a "Let's make MB principles work or bust." mentality on the part of my son who is a BS. I don't think that he even realizes it. <p>He does love his WW and wants the marriage to recover (In fact, he is giving up a job and house he loves to go to another state where WW moved to be with OM.), but I have heard him say such things as, "Now that I have her (back) what do I do with her?" and "...this woman that I don't even like right now."<p>Even before you started this thread, I had thought to myself that he was subconsciously determined to "solve this(infidelity)problem" by being successful using the MB methods. I do see it as somewhat of a typical guy thing. Of course, he wants his W and little boy back together, but I think there is a challenge to "make this work," too. I haven't asked him directly, yet, but I plan to someday. <p>Estes

Gosh, somehow I knew Faith1 and Resilient would have already posted [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] ...<p>I'm another Venusian who has some Martian tendancies...such as anything mechanical...technical or just plain needs to be fixed.<p>Stubborn. Way...<p>But to your question...about proving yourself right and solving a problem...<p>My serious take on it is to go to the Higher Power with it. Honestly...that, I now believe, is my 'test,' what I am supposed to learn, to follow His plan...not my will.

Hey Dave,<p>Are we ever not in guy mode. Sometimes we can be distracted out of it for a while (like when trying to implement MB) but we always lapse back.<p>I think we need to "solve" things to achieve closure.<p>I think that I understand the way the world works (ok, maybe I'm delusional). Then, this situation comes up that is contrary to my understanding. I desparately need the world to be "rational" so I know what to do next. I really need to "get it".<p>It's this doubt that we "get it" that keeps driving us. <p>So, how can we tell when we're in "guy mode"? Well, we're guys.<p>The more interesting question is: Why do we need the affirmation from our WS that we "get it"?<p>If I can't figure out the fastest way to light charcoal, then what else don't I know?<p>This might be the ultimate revenge of the WS.<p>Jeff

Really Wat, <p>If you are going to do a 'guy only thread' doncha think that most of your posters would be guys? So far 8 out of 11 (estimated) responses are girls...... he he he [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Problem solving is not solely a gender only ability. There are some awesome female engineers out there right? <p>As for your Dave Barry - a guy's guy theory, Jo posted a whole list of Dave Barry stuff a while back..... hey just giving you a hard time. ok??? LOL!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Personally I think the Men are from OSH (Orchard Supply Hardware Store) or HD (Home Depot) and Women are from Macys or Nordstrom description is better than the outer space names (Venus and Mars). Yet, I enjoy shopping in the Home Depot kind of stores and if I could swing the income, I would certainly enjoy working there more than behind my desk.....<p>I want to see HbH and Zorweb respond to this thread!!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>The one thing I know we women generally have over you guys is that as a group we are 'highly opinionated' and can be real crafty when needed. <p>Didn't mean to be a damper on your thread. But it was kinda fun!!! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>L.<p>[ November 12, 2001: Message edited by: Orchid ]</p>

Guy alert...Guy Alert!!!<p>
IMHO, this problem can be traced to our evolutionary history.<p>Let's face it: We have two very big, bad genetic influences working against us guys...<p>1: The old "Alpha Male" thing. Anyone who's even glanced at our brothers in the primate world knows that it's all about being Number One! The BMOC gets all the chicks, and all the other guys get the leftovers. <p>2: Our brains. Yes, like the long necks of giraffes or the skin of a chameleon, our gray matter is our One Great Evolutionary Adaptation. Our strength is our ability to figure things out. This served us well when it came time to invent fire, the wheel, and indoor plumbing.<p>Yet there is one thing our advanced brains still can't figure out: <p>How does that one guy get all the chicks???<p>That's the rub, at least for us BS guys. We see our woman going for the Alpha Male, and we're frustrated simply because we wish we were that guy.<p>The newer part of our brain (the figure-out stuff part) can't quite reconcile what's happening. It is saying to us: "Hey, that guy's a cad! He's just going to use her and dump her...why doesn't she see I'm the better choice?!"<p>The reason it is so frustrating is that we're trying to use the logical, problem-solving part of our brain to try and figure out illogical, primal behavior.

CJ, <p>There you males go, trying to 'figure it out' again. The real reason why this happens? Once you boys are married/hooked/settled in, you don't like to shop and keep your lady guessing. You need to look more alert when you are standing in the aisle at Macy's. I mean really, pretend you are interesting in those 1000 handbags on sale for 30% off and those hats that match. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>In the lingerie dept, don't blush. When your wife sends you to the clerk to ask for another bra size, don't tell the clerk you think she is about as big as a cantaloupe. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Just kidding...... [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]
L.

Orchid,<p>I have a unique strategy when shopping for lingerie:<p>I wander around the store, picking out items and then throwing them on the floor.<p>When a clerk asks me what I'm doing, I say "just seeing how it'll look when I get it home..."<p>
[img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

chuckle, chuckle....<p>snort, snort...<p>CJ...way too funny...

cj,<p>that's so funny - hadn't heard that one before - is it copyrighted? can I use it?<p>WAT,<p>when we get the video 'Latin Dance' by Ricky Martin - what da ya mean I got two left feet? [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ November 12, 2001: Message edited by: Freddy ]</p>

CJack,

Are you secretly married to my W too? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Now about the charcoal. George Gobel is the MAN.

-AD

<small>[ June 30, 2002, 02:01 AM: Message edited by: AD ]</small>

Well, this got off track real quick.<p>Orchid or Jo - where's that Jo post about Dave Barry?<p>On clothes: A LONG time ago, my (then) future wife took 10 bathing suits on a 10 day trip to the islands.<p>WAT

Well now, I know I for one am a bit of a fixer-upper myself. Engineers tend to be like that...<p>I have two jokes for you that just about sums up my answer for WAT (here goes #1):<p>A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied.<p>On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear - everything there was!<p>Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Big Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.<p>Then it was off to a movie - the latest Star Wars epic, and hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola and M&Ms.<p>What a fabulous adventure!<p>Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?"<p>One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size."<p>The moral of this story is: If a woman speaks and a man is actually listening, he will still get it wrong.