Hi everyone, hope all is well. I have not been feeling to well mentally and emotionally, things with my WH have been really difficult.<p>He doesn't see the kids, he is constantly telling me that he has had divorce papers drawn up and I should be recieving them soon, he belittles me tells me I am poisioning the kids minds against him. <p>He is still paying bills but I don't know for how long, the holidays are coming(what a time to go through this)which I normally love to decorate and bake, but not this year I have no desire.<p>I feel like I am getting worse than better, do you think its because reality is setting in?? I don't know why I miss him so much he has been horrible to me.He has drain me of every ounce of strengh I have and I am starting to feel like I am not going to make it, its scary to feel this way.<p>He sounds happy when I talk to him, I don't understand, I ask him why he doesn't call or come see the kids, he says they can call me or come see me, is that unbelieveable or what he like a child playing head games with his own kids. My 12 year old son says if he is seeing OW then he wants nothing to do with his Dad. My WH attitude is if they can't accept my life then they don't see him, what is wrong with him???? [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] I wish he could see the damage he is causing.<p>
Anyway sorry this is so long but I guess I needed to vent, and what better place to come [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] I have spent the entire weekend crying [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] Over an [censored], what the heck is wrong with me [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] <p>
Thanks guys for reading, talk to you soon.<p> Love sally

{{{{{{{{{{ Sally }}}}}}}}}}}}<p>Hi Sweetie,<p>You miss your H even tho he's being a first class schmuck because you're missing the idea of the OLD H, not this Alien he's turned into.<p>My gosh, how freakin terrible to have him be so weird regarding his kids and visitation. Thank God they have you Sally, they need you more than ever.<p>I understand about not having the emotional fortitude to decorate or bake for the Holidays, I'm sure just doing the minimum stuff for your precious kids should suffice this year, Hon. There will be more Holidays in the coming years, and with God's grace, will be much much easier to get thru.<p>I know about the crying, just wears you out in every way. Try your best to not think about this all the time, make yourself do things, force yourself if you have to. Even if it's cleaning the bathroom, or pulling weeds, anything. It will help, Hon.<p>Sally, have you done anything about anti-deps? They will make a significant difference. <p>I think about you, Terrified and MnM all the time. You three are always at the forefront of my prayers.<p>Keep posting to us Sally, we're here.<p>God Bless,
Jo

Sally,<p>I hear the pain in your words and I want you to know I (as well as many others here) am sorry for the pain you're suffering. I don't have any great answers, I'm just learning all this stuff myself. I do have a couple of suggestions that may help you though, take them as you will. Have you given any consideration to trying anti-depressants? I suggest this not because I think you're depressed, or ill, or anything like that, but rather because they've helped me tremendously. They've helped me to gain some perspective (well, at least more than I would have had beforehand), and some self control over my emotions. I still have swings (from LOW to high, and back to LOW), but I don't think they're quite as sever as they would've been otherwise.<p>The second suggestion is, try to search for some comfort and answers in God. Far be it from me to be ANY kind of authority on Godliness or religion (evidenced by my earlier post- Here). I'm struggling terribly with my faith and faith learning right now, but prayer HAS helped me. It's made each day at least liveable.<p>Please take care of yourself, do something nice for you and the children. Know that WE care about you, and WE'RE here for you.<p>You'll be in my prayers this night.
Kev

Sally I think of you often! Your H is sounding more absorbed than the giant roll of Bounty paper towels! Want to whack him over the head with a roll? ( I have coupons!) Seriously, I felt like you totally panic stricken when my H moved out to be with OW. Although in my case H would come by several nights a wk to see the kids after work. Of course his hugging and kissing them goodbye and NOT doing that to me made me a total emotional wreck!!!! I dont think I could have stood it without a STRONG antidepressant ( effexor 150 mg its a Godsend !) and going to Bible studies for emotional support several times a wk. ( I went to several churches ones) And counseling of course. Have you told any friends or family? Can you call them when youre upset? Its important to have some support. I know I should have felt really MAD at my H when he was behaving that way but I was way too sad and grief stricken to even feel my anger yet- my anger didnt really come full force till he gave up OW and moved back home - after the initial elation of that I REALLLLY got mad- I had suppressed it all for so long. Take care- and know we care about you here. You are not alone. We understand what you are going thru. lifeismessy

Hi Jo, Thank you so much for your encouraging words, and for keeping me in your prayers. I know its very weird how he is acting toward kids, never did I think he would be so callous to his kids. I try to keep myself as busy as possible, during the week with work its easier not to think about everything, but on the weekends it all comes flooding in. I am taking 100mgs of zoloft and 25mgs. of xanax. Thank God for the meds, or I would be in a hospital. Thank you Jo you are also in my prayers.<p>
Hi kevco, thanks for your reply, I have been following your story and I feel for you also. I am on anti-dpressants and yes they really do help, but I am feeling so weak lately.I pray on a constant basis I go to mass, I do lean on God. Thank you so much for such kind words and thoughts. <p>Lifeismessy I would love to whack him over the head with a roll, and knock his ego far from here, what a frist class Sh!$ head.I think most WH come by to see their kids, I really don't understand what he is doing, he keeps saying I'm working, that excuse is totally worn out, I don't buy it anymore. I do have wonderful support, My mom lives in the apt. in my home so she is right their if I need her, I have my brother and sister near by also, and of course all you wonderful MB people who really and truly make me feel better. Thank you for your reply. <p>
Love and hugs Sally

Just a gentle bump, thanks

Sally,<p>Unfortunately I think it is more common than not for the WS to behave callously toward their children. Our counselor told my H that he should call the kids daily - he called once, and then decided that "since they didn't have much to say" he no longer would do that. When questioned by the counselor, he said, "They can email me anytime they want." If the counselor was trying to maintain an appearance of neutrality, she certainly failed at that point - I will never forget the look of horror on her face at that statement. Except for callling to say he when he would arrive to pick them up, my H has called the children only a handful of times since he left almost three years ago.<p>My H has also claimed that it was my fault that the kids are angry with him, even our adult daughter who has not spoken to him since the night he left, when, as she told me later, she put two and two together and realized he'd been having an affair. The younger children are only allowed to visit a few hours a month because they "disturb the atmosphere" in the OW's house - and it is clear that he blames me for any misbehavior on their part. <p>Anything that interferes with carrying on their relationship with the OW, anything that might antagonize her, is to be avoided at all costs - and blamed on the handy scapegoat, the wife.

Hi Sally,<p>Sorry you are feeling so down. The advice to check with the doctor to see if any anti-deps can help may be good. I like LIM's suggestion about the roll of Bounty. Hm....... I can go to Costco and buy the large economy package and you should be able to get at least 12 whacks!!!! LOL! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Hang in there hon, his time will come. Fogese are great in the denial mode. You hurt because you are dealing in the real world. You see it much clearer than he does. Sally, do not protect him from the disapproval of others. Step back and let him face the children and others himself. Hard medicine and he may hurt but no more than you are. <p>I am not asking you to be vindictive, just don't enable, cover or shield him from the inevidable. AS long as he continues on this path, he will hurt you. Prepare your mind that more will come. It will make the actual impact hurt a little less. Still hurt but a bit less. <p>Your relief will come soon. <p>Take Care,
L.

Hi Nellie1, Thank you for your reply. I don't understand why WS don't want to see or call there children, you see my parents were D when I was 12, so I know the pain, when your dad doesn't call or come by. That is so terrible that your H only called a couple of times in 3 years!! what is wrong with these WS, I just don't understand and I don't think I ever will, what makes a wonderful father and Husband turn around and become someone you don't even know any more??? Why they blame the BS for the kids actions is beyond me, He not here for anything, sickness, homework tears, fears etc. pi$$es me off. Sorry I am really venting, Thank you for your thoughts.<p>
Love Sally

Hi Orchid, I hope is pain and hurt come soon like you said, he has caused so much grief in this family it is unbelievable. I know there will be more hurt I am trying to prepare myself for it but how much can the person you shared everything with hurt you like this [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] the pain at times is unbearable I would rather have physical pain then this pain. Yes I would love to whack him with with the large economy pack [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p> Thank you orchid,<p> Love Sally

Sally,<p>Just read your posts. Sorry I haven't answered sooner. I have had a very bad weekend too. Just got done with Mandy's birthday party...had to scrounge for money for that. It was fun tho.<p>My husband is all into his new mistress. Told my son that he loves her and she is good for him. He told me that when he got home from the apartment. I wish I was angry still...but I am still hurting. I also don't know how someone could be so cruel....especially since all I have ever done is love and support him. I just can't seem to get better. I think I feel worse now then I did when I first found out. The reality of this whole situation has really hit home. <p>You and your family are always in my prayers. Hopefully, we will get thru these holidays ok and have a better new year. Take Care Pat

Hi MnM, You and your family are in my prayers also, I have been keeping up with your post and know how difficult things have been for you. You have 4 kids I have 3, it must be so hard! I also feel worse now to, I don't know what it is, why do we feel this way, maybe the holidays?? or the reality?? I guess I feel the longer he stays away or doesn't call the more he really likes the life he has chosen. I to am still hurting, I wish I could be angry. my thoughts lately have been with him being with OW together, thats hurts [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] Also he covered up my name on his tatoo which was like getting a slap in the face. We will get through the holidays supporting each other and anyone else that needs support. Thank you so very much for your thoughts.<p>
Love Sally