I'm a new poster to MB, however, I've been lurking quite a long time. Here's my story in a nutshell: F, M 19yrs, one child in college. DDay Oct. 24th, 15 month EA/PA with OW (he says), WS unsure what he wanted but thought he'd give it a try, then after a little over one year decided he was "unhappy" and we've been separated just over one week. WS said this time would be spent determining where he wanted to go from here, saying he thought he'd surely be back, & no contact with OW. Caught WS at OW's on Friday evening, confronted him and he said "major mistake", and apologized, just wanted to reinvestigate that option but would do so no more.<p>II'm just totally thinking of disposing of this relationship. I don't feel as if I have anything to gain by hanging on to him, with his constant lies and lack of response to my pain. Frankly, this hurts like hell, and I just want to run away from it all, and make a new life for myself - I'm so tired of being out of control with this situation. <p>Honestly, I've read many books on infidelity, but not the ones listed from this site, so I've only got a vague notion of "Plan A/B". I spent the entire year post D-Day LBing quite frequently, so I'm sure that was part of the problem. Am I in a position to Plan A or Plan B? Would this relationship benefit from either? or should I just move on and let him go (it actually feels good to think about freeing myself from his deceit - I never want to relive another night like this past Friday!)<p>I know when we're in this position we like to believe that, with the proper motivation, our WS's will come back. I don't want to believe that if it's unlikely to happen. I hate that he controls the situation by keeping his options open, but I don't want to move too quickly to cut off mine.<p>Thoughts?

bump for susurra - somebody is in need of help!!!!

Welcome, susurra:<p>I'm glad that you decided to post here before making such an important decision. If you have not done so, please read ALL of the information on this site.<p>So you can get started, here is a starting point for plans A and B. This is under articles.<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html<p>
Just don't make any decisions too quickly. Wait until you have time to talk to others here.<p>If you want to, tell us more about your family (any children?), and hopes that you have for your future, and the dynamics of your marriage so people can offer advice.<p>There is so much more here than plans A and B, such as how to set boundaries - telling your H what you will and will not tolerate. It sounds like this might be appropriate for you right now.
Plan A is about being the best person that you can be, avoiding LBs, and thinking about your role in the marriage frustrations.<p>You sound like a strong woman. That is very much to your advantage. Know that whatever you decide about your marriage, you WILL be OK. There are lots of folks here who will listen and help as you decide what to do.<p>Again, welcome.
Estes<p>[ November 12, 2001: Message edited by: Estes49 ]<p>[ November 12, 2001: Message edited by: Estes49 ]</p>