I have read a lot of what is on the website and am trying to enact Plan A. But this is not so cut and dry. H still claims that nothing physical has happened, only talk and dates (lunch & dinner). He says that he realizes that I am what he wants and he wants to work things out. But he will not quit his job. He claims that he has made it very clear to her that their relationship is now just professional at work - no outside phone calls or lunches or dinners. He let me check his voicemail all weekend and their where no calls. But he just called me and told me that he did hear from her on his way to work this morning (she is off today) and that she called to tell him that her boyfriend beat her up and that they were now broken up. He refuses to quit his job for the following reasons, we need the money with the baby coming and for the addition we are in the middle of putting on our house, he is doing better than he ever has (100% commission), it is a great company, and supposedly there is nothing going on with him and the OW. He claims that even if there were, not working at the same place would not stop things. I am really confused about what to do. This is not so cut and dry. I did not catch him in the act - I have no solid proof of anything, just lots of lies, and his admission that he wanted to be with her. Not to mention the baby on the way. Moving to Plan B would mean that I would have to move out because he has to be there to work on the addition. Please advise.

iamlost,<p>breath girl - deep breaths. Don't rush any decisions - especially not with the baby due. For the moment I'd put Plan B out of your mind and, if you really need it develop a good Plan A.<p>Is this your first baby? How are you coping with the pregnancy and how is your H doing? Post back with some information - I know what a mess I was in when our first was due. Boy, what a time you both go through. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I want to say 'let me talk with your H' but that would be wrong. However, talking with a counsellor may help you two. Have you thought about doing this? I know that Steve Harley does sessions by phone - maybe you could try this avenue if your H was willing. What do you think?<p>- Freddy.<p>[ November 12, 2001: Message edited by: Freddy ]</p>

Your are much to soon to think about Plan B. Plan B is when you have done a great Plan A and you feel you are losing your love for your spouse.<p>Keep Plan Aing. Let your H, know that you need to keep checking him messages, that you thank him for telling you she called, do not let him run to her aide, look up the local number for abuse, give him the number, so if she calls again, he can give it to her.<p>If possible have him change his moblie number, email accounts etc.<p>Yes you would love him to quit his work and down the road maybe he could but it most likely not practical now.<p>If you can call steve or jennifer and let them help you with this matter.<p>READ everything on here, not just the message boards, get the books.<p>Yes a emtional affiar is an affair.<p>good luck and go to the following<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=29&t=000940

Exactly what is a "good plan A". This is our first, married 6 years, involved 10 years. Lots of problems in the past but no A's. I am now taking much better care of my health. At first I was a mess and not eating right, sleeping, etc. My husband was out of the house for two weeks. He is back now and is pressuring for me to resume a physical relationship, but I have held off because I still do not trust him. We have talked a lot and I have introduced him the MB concepts, but he does not agree with having to leave his job. He says that he will get sick of me checking up on him. I am 26 weeks along and am trying to focus on the pregnancy but it is hard.

Check this out ... reverse on not to do ..<p> Plan A misapplication by Distress

iamlost,<p>I've been thinking about you this evening and your situation. A 'good Plan A' is as much about you working on your failings and trying to be a better person as it is about working on the ENs of your H.<p>Each one of us KNOWS what kind of person we really are and what all those little behaviours are that makes it perhaps difficult for other people to live with us. So, in a good Plan A you need to be working on those. So what if the toilet seat's left up - does it really matter [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>The other part of Plan A is to address the needs of your partner. If your partner needs lots of affection then you are the person who needs to make sure their needs are met. You get the idea [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] So, if your H needs SF then its you who needs to be giving this. And this is the worst side of Plan A, it's normally implemented when your partner is in an affair - meaning you have to give and not expect a lot in return. Harley talks about our Givers and Takers here - in Plan A, your Taker takes a back seat [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Now back to what you've said about you and your H. It sounds as if there is an emotional attachment with another woman. One that could develop. So, you need to be careful but don't jump to conclusions. You shouldn't be judgemental or controlling. Both of these will be LBs for him and he'll object.<p>So, avoid controlling his cellphone details or judging him. Turn your needs into questions about how he'd feel. For example, you could tell him how you feel about his relationship with the OW: Tell him you feel insecure and that you need his reassurances. Ask him how he could provide these. <p>If you are going to withhold sex because you don't trust him, and this is clearly one of his need, you can't say 'no sex, I don't trust you'that's too judgemental. You could tell him that you are prepared to make love with him but you are feeling very sensitive and needs lots of reassurances about your relationship. Then ask him how he feels about that.<p>good luck and take care of you and the little one,<p>- Freddy