I will go from an engineer to a project leader on my way into management. The VP himself recommended me...<p>I don't know what to do. These types of opportunities don't come around every day (once in 6 years for me). <p>But with my personal life the way it is, I'm not sure I can do the work expected of me at this higher level.<p>I am afraid my job will consume me again, I will lose everything I've learned, my family will be lost to me, my H will stray again. The stress, my relationship with my H, my kids, all will suffer again. But how do I say no?<p>Why couldn't they offer this to me a year from now when things are better with my personal life?<p>How does a single mom raising 3 kids with an hour commute manage this? I don't think she can. I don't think I can. (I hope to someday not consider myself a single mom, but as of today, I am in all aspects except title)...<p>I know, I know. Be happy (I AM happy, just REALLY, REALLY stressed out as well). Talk to my H and see if he can help out more and get out of his "all by myself rut". Talk to my boss and tell him how I feel...<p>Yeah. I'm happy. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] See big smile. Yeah right. Guess I just needed to vent my stress today over these decisions. Add that to my H's upcoming travel plans, external family problems (H isolating himself from our families and trying to plan around that) and I'm a mess inside...<p>Hey, at least I get to go see Harry Potter tomorrow. My work is having a special sneak preview for this project I just completed. My daughter is going to be SO jealous. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>HbH

dear hbh,<p>Congratulation on your promotion. You must have done a great job on your project to be promoted to project manager. I also just got a promotion around the same time my W (WS) moved out. Maybe you can have an open talk with your VP and see if there are options that might help you cope with your responsibilities. Maybe you could telecommute a day or two per week. Maybe the pay increase could afford you a little help or move you closer to your job. <p>Moving into program management is a big jump. You apparently deserve it. Look at this as the opportunity that will set you back on course. Good luck and I will pray for you and your family.<p>Peace.

Thanks K2K, I'm excited but scared too. I've always been one to work hard and make sure things are done right. Career-wise I've done more than I ever expected and I'm only 26. <p>It's my personal life that worries me. I feel like I let my job interfere too much as it is. The worst part was that I THOUGHT I WAS MANAGING IT ALL. I really did and I don't want to make that mistake again...<p>So many decisions... I want this job, but I will not do it if it means sacrificing my family. I've always said that in the past, and thought I was living it, but in reality, I wasn't. It's so hard to seperate the two.<p>Anyway, I'm feeling better. I talked to my boss (who is also going through rough times with his wife) and he thinks I can handle it and still work out my personal life. He says I can continue to telecommute and we're going to see about getting a cellphone so I don't miss any important meetings (right now I only work from 9-4 w/ a 2 hour commute because of the kids).<p>But, I am still leery. BTW, congratulations on your promotion as well!!! I'm sure you deserved it! What do you do?
HbH<p>[ November 15, 2001: Message edited by: hurtbyhubby ]</p>

Only 26 and you've done all that???? Wow. I never realized.<p>I had a similar opportunity this fall. Move to D.C., new career direction, lots more money. Ka-ching, ka-ching. It would have been a 1 yr appointment, with long term options. <p>My first instinct was, NO WAY!!! But, I took it home and discussed it with my W.<p>We brainstormed (would have been lots of travel) and did what ifs. Clearly, the effect on family was not going to be compensated by the money. We BOTH agreed it was not a good deal. <p>It was the same decision I would have reached alone, but I feel a lot better that it was a joint decision.<p>You really need to POJA this with your H. If you don't want to do that, you should think very carefully "Why not?" Not discussing this before deciding could have very bad repercussions.<p>Jeffers

Hey Jeffers!!! Y'no what? I should try to POJA this. <p>I haven't been able to recently because most of the stuff that I want to POJA is primarily stuff my H owns and he is just is not ready to POJA effectively. (he doesn't really know how to negotiate well and builds up LOTS of resentment because he feels I try to control him and POJA is just one more way - yeah I know - we're working that in counseling).<p>So, I've had to hold off on it. At least until his 3rd shift job ends and he is actually awake, functioning, and can read some of this stuff (8 days to go - yippee).<p>HOWEVER, since this is my stuff, maybe I can try to lead by example and show him how POJA can work effectively, and I don't see how he can build up too much resentment on our decision since it primarily affects me (yes him somewhat, but not that much).<p>Thanks!!!
HbH