Well good folks, my life has been shattered again.
Discovered whole new set of contact with OW - mostly via email. They are mushy and lovey. But get this - she is getting married - she couldn't wait and is getting married! BUT at the same time tells my H she loves him..blah blah blah blah. When he was away on business they talked on the phone, she cried and feels so in love with him.<p>My H's emails do say I love you too, but they are not as mushy and well..<p>I asked him point blank if his heart was with her - he said no, he said it was with me , but then I pushed it and said be honest - and he said it wasn't with me - it was with the kids.<p>I offered to expedite things so he could be with her - he said no. He's confused by her actions as well, saying she can't really love this guy and be sending him mushy lovey emails wanting to meet him in Las Vegas this spring.<p> I can't be a doormat anymore! What is it with this guy? He made love to me TWICE today, I THOUGHT we were recovering although the I love you's have never been there....<p>I'm rambling... HELP!!!!!!<p>
I've printed off their emails -until I ran out of ink...just hanging on ...for proof I guess..<p>
I'm very very hurt, very confused. I feel desperate and calm at the same time.

Well, you know that any contact with OW triggers withdrawal again, and it sounds like that 's what's happening. It's really hard to stop the EA that lingers. Is another No Contact letter in order? Is he e-mailing her at work or home - if home then maybe you can find some other things to occupy his time - like the kids. It's hard while they are going through withdrawal because it's not like you're doing anything wrong. They are just falling back into the trap. Maybe spending more time with H would help, or maybe you can come together on a plan for the next few weeks on how to keep from communicating to OW, and let him help you - like maybe when he's tempted he can let you know some special way and then you can help him - like with AA, have a buddy when temptation arises. Just some thoughts. The WH needs continued support from us to get through this even though it taxes us emotionally. Keep strong and makes sure that you're continuing to meet H's ENs and Good Luck! K

Oh Alberta,
Will we never be over this? I am so sorry you found this stuff. How has he been towards you during this time? Do you feel more connected? It sucks how they cant seem to let go. It like they are afraid to put themselves out there and really commit to one relatioinship and give it their all.
They would prefer to be part way in 2 , maybe its a fear of true intimacy. <p>You know my H has had continued contact and my chioce so far has been to keep working on us.I have seen baby steps lately that he is coming around. But I think it would be easy for him to get sucked back in if OW turns up the pressure. I dont know how it finnally can come to a complete end with this type of thing...Maybe it goes on until we take a true stand and demand more, I dont know. It seems they back off till they miss each other and then there is always small reason to initiate contact... a holiday , a birthday and they are back at it. <p>{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}, take care of yourself and think things through.
Lora

Okay - so like I've had two hours sleep. I did some LB'ing - slammed some doors etc. But damn I'm pissed!<p>I just finished reading through their emails in order. Last night, when my H said he was wondering about her upcoming nuptials because she was sending him very explicit emails. I asked why he just didn't reply that way, but he said he got caught up. And after reading through - she gets more and more emotional with each one, calling him baby, honey, sweetness and talking about all sorts of things. He is her one true love apparently -but she knows they can never be together. I feel for her future husband.<p>So - in the meantime I'm just so angry at the deceit. We have been doing fine - or so I thought- in fact in the kitchen yesterday afternoon, I was washing up veggies in the sink and he grabbed me from behind and we had a fun little quickie! I just smiled and smiled. How can he snuggle with me, kiss me, hold me, make love to me, okay, so he never says I love you, and then write mushy emails to her? When he was on business, they spoke and she cried - all her feelings came back for him. <p>He says he doesn't feel anything for me and I asked him what his true feelings for her were - and he said they "were moderately above what he feels for me", yet he tells her he loves her.<p>So, I have written her an email - it is not completely nasty, but it is a "hey wake up - let's talk here, what do you want" kinda email. I haven't sent it, and the forum will probably say not to. I'm holding on, knowing that she is away from her home this weekend and my H will be busy working this weekend. (I guess I'm lucky this is LD)<p>I'm thinking of going into this new email account and changing his password so he can't access it anymore.<p>I've told him we should think about him living somewhere else -although I don't know how we can afford it. Our debt load it stupdily high - with most credit cards in my name. We are tied up financially right now, and just behind in everything.<p>I love him, but I can't MAKE him love me back. <p>Help me please. I'm supposed to go out tonight to a big party, with another man as a date cause H is working. Don't worry this is a friends spouse and he is SO not my type, I just needed a date. I'm thinking of cancelling everything and staying home, I just don't think I can do the "festive party face" at all.<p>I'm hurt, pissed, disappointed and ...everything.

Oh Alberta!!! ((((((((((((( Alberta ))))))))))))<p>I am so sorry that you have to go through this crap AGAIN!!! <p>I'm afraid I cannot give you any supportive MB advice, b/c I'm picturing myself in your shoes. And you know what? If my H went back to any of the OW - or anyone new of course - that would be it for me. I'd be shifting into plan B mode so fast that he wouldn't know what hit him. But not a plan B towards reconciliation, a plan B towards a D.<p>I'm curious.. how long have these emails been going on again now? And did you have a POJA to talk about ANY contact from OW?<p>Karen

It's not like he's "gone back to her" but he's sucked right back into her "web". He actually questioned the existence of the fiance - wondering if she was making it up or not. I said, that never entered my mind, but it seems that she is giving my H a clear signal "rescue me" and "be with me". Her emails are very explicit and he has played along.<p>The intensity of the emails have increased only in the last couple of weeks, since their phone contact while he was away. <p>I feel I need to be tough on this one. I need to let him know I must move on and not be lied to anymore. I want my husband to be my true partner in life and to be my support if I fall. I don't have that right now. <p>One of her emails envisions them together again, married or not, they will be together again. <p>Can you imagine someone planning their wedding for January and at the same time planning a getaway with another man a few months later?

Alberta<p>It's obvious that she is an idiot and she certainly has some mental problems.<p>Try not to give up, Alberta. No one ever said this was easy. Fight for him, make him want to be with YOU for YOU.

You know what amazes me, Alberta? Here it's been fifteen - yes, 15 - YEARS - yes, YEARS - since my ex - yes, ex - did the first of his multiple cheats, and I still can feel my stomach knot up reading your posts here!<p>Back then, there wasn't email, but I did get to read the little tidbits she (OW#1) wrote where she put a sweet (gag) little happy face by her name, and then another little happy face (because she was with child) with "Little David" written next to it. And, no, she never told my (then)H the baby was his, but um... his name is David and her H's name was not, so uh... well... let's just say my dear ex may well get a visit from David, Jr. one day.<p>I hate infidelity with a passion ... like duh, don't we all?... but when you have to get through repeaters... well... there are no words, are there?<p>I'm sorry. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

god, i feel for you!! I keep going throught the same thing but he keeps calling her on the cell phone. I study and memorize the bills and everything. will we ever learn??

Alberta,<p>I am so sorry to hear this - it just isn't fair (but, "they" do tell us life isn't fair).<p>I don't have any advice - or any wise words. This just plain and simple hurts - bigtime.<p>I wish I could do something to help you - at least be a shoulder or someone with whom you could vent & scream and cry - whatever it takes to get it out. <p>I'm really babbling - I'm kind of at a loss for words. I just think this sucks that we should have had to go through this ONCE, let alone two or three or .... times. <p>Remember, I am only an "hour" down the road - and I do have the "freebie $20" calling plan. <p>So sorry, Alberta - I wish you didn't have to hurt again like this.<p>Sudz

Hugz...Alberta...<p>I know this is tough...cause YOU thought H was on the same page with you...<p>The best thing you can do is your best...what would his best friends say to him about this?<p>The best thing you can do is to love him...how would God love him right now?<p>The best thing you can do is NOT LB...hold your head high...you are worth more than an LB...<p>Hugzzz...
C A L I

Alberta<p>Oh sweetie, I know how hard this must all be for you. To think you stopped by and posted on my thread while all this was going on? You're truly remarkable you know.<p>I dealt with continued contact for the first eight months. They worked together. The last contact he had with her was a year ago this month. Long story but we did fine with that one. I know too how much it all hurts and how the fog doesn't go away quickly with contact. A renewed one often brings the whole messy fog rolling back in. <p>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Alberta}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<p>I can only echo a few words I have read here. FOG! The fog has rolled back in with the OW and the continued contact. I read a few of your old posts and I realize how long you have been at this. I have another online friend via MB and she has gone through something similar and it's been over two and a half years. <p>The thing is you have to decide what you're going to do. I know for me, it would be my love for my husband, my tenacity to see to it that she never get him (maybe someone else will someday if something happens to me or us, but it won't be her! [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] ) So I'd keep buckling on with the plan A and realize that so much of what he is saying is confusion.<p>Don't forget what Harley says either. Any reason is a good reason for a spouse to stay. There isn't a bad reason. If it is just the kids now (which I highly doubt considering his making love to you so often) then it's a good enough reason and the two of you can build from there.<p>My thoughts and prayers will be with you. I've said this a hundred times, but God, this site and the tremendous people here are all that got me/us through this. I can't emphasize how important prayer is, which I know you're fully aware of.<p>I think it's time I go pray and light a mega candle for you Alberta and all of us at MB. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Just a thought..<p>can you go in and block her address so no email come to his account?<p>You could also get your H to agree to this.<p>Maybe check the email together so you can see what come in and when.<p>I do think I would tell he boyfriend just what a wh0re she really is.<p>Hugs to you, Stay strong<p>
SLH

Thank you so so much for your responses. Your words are so comforting.
I really don't know what I'm going to do. He doesn't love me - that's the point and he's telling her he misses her and loves her. How do I cope with that?
I could go in and block her email, but quite frankly I want to see what she does next. Her emails do go in progression, from friendly to emotional and sexual in a very short time. She is now sounding desperate to have him in her life. She feels they will be together one day.
My H may very well change his password once he gets a chance to sit at the computer - who knows. <p>In a way I want to "open the door" for him to see if he'll go through. I know it is a risk, and that I may have to live with him walking out, but I just can't have a husband who is not my partner in every sense of the word and right now I can't trust him or rely on him. I can rely on MYSELF though and I need to muster the strength to do whatever it is I need to do. I took my wedding band off last night. I'm not sure what it means anymore to wear it.<p>At this stage of the game, I'm not sure that he's willing to stop contact or do a no contact letter, and I can't force him to. <p>The "fiance" is someone neither of us knows and have no way of finding where he is. I wouldn't want to contact him anyway - I wouldn't want to do that to him. We are in Calgary, they are in northern Minnesota.<p>I'm just trying to breathe and take it all in right now. Went to a big soiree tonight - dressed up in my black dress and boy did I look hot. I just keep telling myself I am strong and I do not deserve this. It's funny, one of the songs that was played tonight was "I will Survive" ..you know the old disco tune...think it will be my theme song from now on. If my H chooses to leave me and our sons, well, he's the one who will be losing out for sure.<p>Boy am I tempted to send her that email...may still do it.

Why can't we just say enough of this CRAP??? How much is one human supposed to endure? <p> One thing I have to jump in here and say. God does NOT love your H for what he is doing or what he has done. <p>Lev 20:10 And the man that committeth adultery with [another] man's wife, [even he] that comitteth adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.<p> This is not to say that one cannot be forgiven for the deed. But, the Bible is littered with such statements about adultery. <p> The key would be to repent and not sin again. Someone asked you the question, "how would God love him right now". The answer to that question would have to be that it depends what your H is doing. Even the thought is enough to make us guilty, ie;
Mat 5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart..............<p> I apologize for being preachy, but I think the Bible is fairly clear on the subject. If we loved our WSes like God....well, someone tell me what the results would be????<p> I am sorry if I have upset anyone....I am in the same tough spot myself. <p> Flame away!<p> jd

Alberta,
I am so sorry for the hurt you are feeling right now. What a tramp!! So yousay that you are not sure that the fiancee even exists. Do you think it's just a ploy to get to your H? What a shame.<p>You know this may sound silly but I just don't get it. Seriously what makes another person think that if they meet someone and they are attracted to them in some way that it is okay to pursue them. Forget that they are married possibly have children and vowed to commit themselves to that person for the rest of their lives. Sorry just babbling.
Don't make any rash decisions. Wait a while until you've calmed down and think this through rationally. I know it's hard. Just remember that we are here for you.
Good luck my thoughts and prayers are with you.
<<<<Hugs>>>>
C

Alberta,
I am so sorry for the hurt you are feeling right now. What a tramp!! So yousay that you are not sure that the fiancee even exists. Do you think it's just a ploy to get to your H? What a shame.<p>You know this may sound silly but I just don't get it. Seriously what makes another person think that if they meet someone and they are attracted to them in some way that it is okay to pursue them. Forget that they are married possibly have children and vowed to commit themselves to that person for the rest of their lives. Sorry just babbling.
Don't make any rash decisions. Wait a while until you've calmed down and think this through rationally. I know it's hard.
Just remember that we are here for you.
Good luck my thoughts and prayers are with you.
<<<<Hugs>>>>
C

Alberta,
I am so sorry for the hurt you are feeling right now. What a tramp!! So yousay that you are not sure that the fiancee even exists. Do you think it's just a ploy to get to your H? What a shame.<p>You know this may sound silly but I just don't get it. Seriously what makes another person think that if they meet someone and they are attracted to them in some way that it is okay to pursue them. Forget that they are married possibly have children and vowed to commit themselves to that person for the rest of their lives. Sorry just babbling.
Don't make any rash decisions. Wait a while until you've calmed down and think this through rationally. I know it's hard.
Just remember that we are here for you.
Good luck my thoughts and prayers are with you.
<<<<Hugs>>>>
C

It was actually my H who speculated the "reality" of the fiance, not me. <p>Well, I have written my H a long and honest email. I have reason to believe someone else was in the picture while he was away all those months. I hope I'm wrong. I think it may have been a short lived thing - but again- I'm speculating on bits of info right now.<p>However, I love my H and I will work damn damn hard to keep him at home and with his family. We owe it to our children and ourselves to create a safe and nurturing home. <p>I have written an email to OW - some of it not nice, but a lot of it just point blank straight talk. I haven't sent it yet. Still waiting. She needs a big reality check right now. I have offered to my H in my email to HIM (which I did send) to jointly send her a no contact letter or even speak with her on the phone - all three of us. Let's just get this over with once and for all. I know you think I'm crazy but I honestly think some major steps have to be taken. I can't just wait by or even move to plan B.<p>I deleted all her emails to him - he won't like that, but I did it. Damn it this is my life and my marriage and she will not ruin it.<p>Phew - thanks for letting me vent.<p>Any more wise words from my kind and wise friends?