Well, WS was supposed to call today to let me know what her plans are for this evening. I have tix to a hockey game, and the meteor storm is tonight. I'd asked her about it earlier this week and told her that I'd REALLY like to share the storm with her (it's truly a once in a lifetime event).<p>She said that "the girls" were planning on going dancing tonight, but as of last evening, nothing was set yet. She said that she was leaning towards going to the game and that she wanted to see the storm. She said she'd call today; "probably sooner rather than later." Well, I'm not sure what the definition of later is, but it's 3:30 and I'm leaving for the game in about 1 1/2 hours.<p>I just went to scope out a nice dark place to watch the storm, and on my way out of town I drove near OM place (the only road with a bridge goes two blocks from his house and you can see it from there). Well, her car's in his driveway, and it's been there for about 2 hours. His roommate's car is there also, but I didn't see OM car....didn't want to drive by and check. Neither is HER roommate home, gee, wouldn't it be sweet if they were double dating- how nice.<p>I just don't know how much more I can take. I pray to God on an hourly basis asking him to give me strength and patience, to give her compassion and clarity, to bring her out of her fog so that she can see the wrong and hurt that she's causing. I ask Him to give her the realization that >>I'M<< the right one for her, for her to realize that she CAN be happy with me, for her to realize that I'm going to be a MUCH better man than I've been over the last several years. Can't quite see that a single prayer has been answered...I'm not strong, I have NO patience, she has no compassion and clarity, and nothing else either.<p>What do I have to do to make this end?

Kev.....I feel your pain as though it's my own. You've been very courageous and strong throughout this ordeal (except for a few minor LB's [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] ....LOL!) You know without a doubt that these things take TIME to resolve and for communication to become rational. And, you also know about the painsaking roller coaster ride. You, my friend, are in another dip which will eventually pull into another curve or straight away. Continue your Plan A and hang in there. It will get better. Just don't mark a date on your calendar, okay?

I'm trying to be patient, but I can literally feel my resolve slipping. I just don't know how much more pain I can take.<p>You know, she said she didn't want to see me any more last week because she didn't want to give me false hope. I told her that I don't believe in "FALSE" hope, only hope, and that I already have. Maybe she was right. Every little thing she does kills a little part of me. I love her so much, and I don't understand how she can be doing this to me, to us.<p>I feel like I should just let go and move on, but it kills me just to think about that. In so many ways, it'd be so much easier to just walk away, but I desperately don't want to do that. Each day, though, I seems closer and closer to that point- GOD, I don't want that to happen :crying: [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] .

Kev,
I too feel your pain, bud!
The Lord answeres are prayers in different ways than what we expect at times & unfortunately for us, not always on our schedule & of course you know our prayers are not always answered in the way we expect them to be.
Having said all of that, IMHO I think it is time for you to formulate some kind of a plan B strategy. This doe not mean that you are giving up or throwing in the towel -- just another startegy! I like james Dobson's book "Tough Love" as a reference for this -- Key is that you let her know that although you love her, from your point of view (and this is not inttended as punishment or resentment) you need space -- define some things --- i.e. no contact -- I that you need to evaluate things in terms of what is best for you!
It is just not fair that she continues this way --holding you at bay -- she is like trying to have her cake & eat it too, perhaps!
You need to try & dis-associate fromher fro a while -- re-group so to speak -- you are losing your own self respect & she is soon going to stop respecting you as well, IMHO -?
She should know that she is not acting like a married women. Many times when we let the tiger out of the cage -- it comes back -- I think you should make an all out effort to find the book! I think it would help a lot!
Prayers are with you!
HH

Hi Kev,<p>I second HH re tough love. For me, I've been trying hard to regain my self-respect and confidence. I think it's critical - it shows 'em that we're not wimpy guys who need 'em to be happy!! (Even though it's our preference, and even through we know they're making a mistake otherwise that they'll most likely regret.) I've read recently "Stop Your Divorce" by Homer McDonald - was a PDF download. Lots of good points that are consistent with Plan A. But maybe some of Dobson in there as well, although I haven't read that one yet. Haven't heard from WW all day - I'm going to go out tonight myself - planned to do that all along.<p>Keep the faith, brother [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

HH,<p>I'm just not ready for Plan B yet. I've given it some thought, and I've taken a look at several plan B letters that've been posted....but I'm just not ready.<p>WS has a session w/ Steve on 12/4, and then Steve wants to meet with me shortly afterwards. Last time I spoke to him, I meant to ask him about the possibility of an eventual plan B. My concern is that Plan B will be no different than the last year (at least) when I was already emotionally removed. My fear is that she'd take it as a relapse into the status quo and validate her decision to leave me...that's NOT what I want. I'll cover it with Steve next time.<p>I do know that that day is approaching though, as much as I don't want it to. I'm thinking probably early January. I'll have my new insurance and legal assistance at work. Both of our plans allows changes to insurance in the event of a legal separation, but I don't know what the state of Nebraska requires for THAT. <p>I hope it doesn't come to that, though chances are pretty slim right now. I hope I can wait that long to give her a GOOD LOOK at plan A and the man that I WANT to be.<p>Thanks, guess I'll go to the game by myself.
Kev

Well, WS just caught me on my way out the door. She's going "Dancing with the girls." She said going to the hockey game would be awkward. But she does want to go watch the meteor storm. Doesn't want to sleep here, so I'll pick her up after 2am.<p>That's all, I'll check in later.
K

Hi Kev, sorry for what you are going through, believe me I know how difficult the pain is. Try not to pass by OM apartment if you can that is so painful for you, don't put yourself through that let her A die naturally. Can you try to let go just for now?? and take care of yourself?? My prayers are with you.<p>
Love Sally

Kevco,<p>On one side I am proud of you did not LB when she told you about the dancing but on the other why you snoop again ?. I snoop too and it is one other thing that I think I could do beside plan A'ing to death. It drains my LB$ for her in no time if I found out "the fact". It drives me nuts if I found nothing. Learn to let go. Put the matters in His hand ... Matthew 11:28,29