I POSTED THIS UNDER RECOVERY HEADING, BUT WOULD ALSO LIKE COMMENTS FROM POSTERS HERE (Thanks):<p>"Are we in Recovery??"<p>First time posting under this heading. I've been mainly posing under infidelity. NEED ADVICE. W and I together 9, M 5 years, two boys 3 1/2 & 2. <p>My W admitted to EA with OM at her work, admitted it may have been heading to PA, but denied PA ever occurred. She told me a couple of weeks ago that she spoke to OM, who is also married with kids, and they reportedly both agreed that they would go to therapy with their spouses and discontinue further contact. I have bought several of the books and have been trying to meet her ENs. If everything is as W says, I guess we are technically in the recovery stage, although she does not seem interested in meeting any of my ENs.<p>My problem: I still don't trust her and she is still using much of the classic "foggy" language. She is largely evasive when I ask about OM, and she refuses to tell me his name. From reading various posts, it appears where recovery is really working, WS is able to be totally honest about A with BS and BS's need for reassurance that A is truly over. I have some reason to believe EA or even PA may still be going on, but I may be wrong.<p>I guess I am confused whether I am in Plan A trying to win WS back from A with OM, or in recovery trying to focus on her needs, avoid LB, etc. How do you know when you've reached recovery stage? Under MB principals, it appears radical honesty requires full disclosure as to A and openness of WS to reassure BS.<p>I want to further introduce my W to these principals, especially this website. Any suggestions on when this might be appropriate?? I've done a fair amount of venting about WS so I guess I should delete some of my postings if she agrees to explore site. Suggestions requested.

RJB2,<p>IMO, your actions are indistinguishable from Plan A to Recovery....you still need to try to meet her EN, you need to avoid LB, you need to work to improve YOU, etc... The REAL difference is in HER actions. If/when she's ready for full disclosure/radical honesty, then I think you'll truly be in recovery.<p>In the mean time, if she's agreeing to marriage counseling, do both of you a favor and either attend that counseling with Steve Harley, or call the counseling center and see if there are any MC that profess the MB principles. Anything short will only (IMO) serve to cause you to divorce. Two out of two counselors that my WS and I have attended made INCREDIBLY irresponsible and damaging suggestions to WS (and Steve agrees!).<p>I would have rather had NO counseling than go to the two to whom we went.<p>Hope this helps a little.
Kev