Hey there I have got a question that needs answering. My recent ws(recovering ea ) came to pick up our son yesterday and was not wearing her rings. I could be over reacting because the weekend before we went on a date with our son and she was wearing her rings plus she was wearing her promise ring I gave her 14 yrs ago. she was also in a hurry to get to our home and pick up our son.
If today I go and pick up our son and she is not wearing her rings should I ask why or should I just leave it for now. It would really bother me if it wasn't just an accident. Should I ask or Shouldn't I ask?? [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

I would ask. Just don't ask in LB way. Maybe say something like, I noticed that you aren't wearing your wedding rings and wondered why.

My WH and I swapped rings on Dday. Rather strange, really. His idea. He told me he was in love wtih someone else and after a few hours of discussion I asked him what he wanted to do with the rings. He said, "why don't I wear yours and you wear mine?"<p>Obviously, his ring fits a different finger on my hand, but I wear it every day. Everytime I see him, he has mine on his little finger. He says it's a bit tight, and sometimes takes it off, but usually, it's there. <p>I know this doesn't help your situation very much, but just wondering if perhaps you could suggest this to your W? It is a very sweet gesture on your part and she may even be open to th idea?<p>Otherwise, I agree with MelodyLane. Ask her, in an extremely non-LB way, where they are and why they aren't on her finger. Don't expect a response that is either negative or positive, but be prepared either way. I don't want to deflate your sail or anything, but they could either be getting cleaned or she simply doesn't want to wear them anymore. <p>I totally understand your pain and confusion on this one, though. The rings are so symbolic. I *always* look on my H finger when I see him. It gives me hope and makes me feel like he hasn't given up. <p>Take care,
venusenvy

Hi,<p> A week ago I took my wedding ring off (I am the BS) because to me the ring is more than a band of metal on my finger. I felt like our marriage had very little meaning now as I struggled with his A, his fog, his feelings for her, his indecision. I decided that I wouldn't wear it again until my WS put it back on my finger. To me that would symbolize that he wanted to have a genuine marriage again. He has noticed and is not very happy about it. I explained why I had taken it off (actually I did it during a huge fight we had last week) and he knows that I want him to put it back on me when he has made a decision about us staying together.<p> The funny thing is, I had given him a new ring last week during one of our hotel dates to replace the one he has now that is grooved with a design. He had complained for a long time that it always got gunk stuck in it. My purpose in giving him the new ring was for this to symbolize our new beginning as a married couple. <p>I have been very surprised to see that he is wearing BOTH rings on his ring finger. What that means I don't know, and haven't asked. I don't want to draw it to his attention, really. I guess I'd rather think of it as something sweet and that it suggests possibilities.<p>So here I am with no ring, him w/ two. Go figure.

F22,<p>I think you're going to get a gender biased answer to your question here, so just be aware of the differences between men and women. I truly think the wedding bands often mean different things to each of them (as well as, but maybe not to the extent to WS/BS).<p>Being a man, I continue to wear mine. I had taken it off for a day or two, but thought better of it. To me, it represents my hope that our M is not over, and I want for that to be a reinforcement to my words of love when my WS sees me. <p>But to my WS, if she has ANY doubt about the outcome of the M, she won't wear it (I would imagine that's much the same as firefly and her H). From the WS point of view, I believe she doesn't want to give me "false hope", it represents her fledgling independence, and probably other reasons.<p>The way that I asked WS about not wearing her ring (she WAS initially, but then took it off), was to ask her if she wanted to store it here at our house so it doesn't get lost. She then volunteered that she's not wearing it because she's lost weight and it needs to be re-sized "along with all the other stuff."<p>So there I had my answer in a very non-LB way.<p>Something to think about,
Kev

Well I went to pick up son and stay for dinner and guess what she had her rings on. So all that worrying for nothing.
But thanks everyone for thier input I'm glad if I would have had to ask her I would have been prepared thanks everyone. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>We talked about what was going on in our lives and it was great. but I wish everytime I leave she would initiate a kiss and a hug instead of me.
She seems to like living on her own, but it's killing me.
She asked if it was easier on me this past week since I had our son, I said it was but it's not the same without you at home, and it's hard to take care of our son with me thinking about you. She didn't respond but was that a good answer or did it sound to needy?

Well, in light of recent contact with OW and renewed EA I took off my wedding band. It's not that I don't have hope, but I don't know what it means for me to wear it right now.

Wedding rings are a touchy subject for me right now. H and I are in recovery... and neither of us have rings on!!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Back in April 2000, H bent the heck out of his ring at work (not intentionally). After 2 moves, it got lost. We've considered it to be gone for good. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>When H and I separated in Feb 2001, I kept wearing mine. However, on the first day of spring, when things weren't going too well between us, I took it off of my finger, and hung it on a gold necklace instead. I would wear the necklace any time I saw him.<p>We started into recovery in May 2001, and since we have the same ring size, I offerred mine to him, and I would wear my Irish Claddagh ring (symbol of love and friendship - you know, the one with the hands holding a heart with a crown on it? With the crown facing your fingernail, it symbolizes that your heart is truly spoken for).<p>At some point this summer, H took MY band off b/c of the heat (his fingers were swelling up). He put it down on a table beside our bed. After a few days had passed and I didn't see it on his hand, I asked him about it. It wasn't where he put it. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Of course, he blames the 2 1/2 yr old for moving it, but I have some major anger issues with him for being so irresponsible. We've searched high and low in the house to no avail. It's nowhere to be found. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>We have discussed renewing our vows and getting new rings to symbolize the new M we now have... but it still upsets me greatly that our original rings are gone.. BOTH of them!!! [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Although I still have my claddagh ring, I don't want to wear it anymore. I took it off when I went in for my tubal ligation on Nov 14th, and have decided that nothing goes back on there until I have an actual wedding ring!<p>Sorry for the vent... but since the topic IS wedding rings.... [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Karen

Just wanted to post for future ref, I'm not wearing my rings right this minute...they are in the cup by the sink at home because I didn't want to get them dirty when fixing some food yesterday. Sometimes it's that simple. [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

I too was uncertain what to do about the ring situation. I took them off for awhile (H noticed right away) but thought better of it. I now wear my weddings rings on my right hand. Guess my thinking is that I am still married but until its "right" again... I will wear them on the other hand. (H noticed that as well)

For most of our married life (19 years), H has not worn his rings because they are a hazard at work. I didn't wear mine for a long time because I have sensitive skin and it gets so dry and cracked in the winter that the ring area gets sore and painful my eczema gets bad at the base of that finger.
Since H's A, though, we had his ring re-sized and he has worn it everyday. He takes it off at work and puts it in his pocket. I have worn mine most days too and have been very careful to wear gloves when doing dishes and taking really good care of my hands with lotions, etc. My eczema is starting on that finger so I will probably have to take it off until spring again as it itches terribly.
I appreciate it that he does wear his ring because it is a nonverbal statement that he is already married and "hands off" to other women. (Not that they all honor that) but at least he's willing to wear it.

my wife says i have a marriage all she has is a ring seems strange that she would still wear them as bad as she wants to end the marriage i just dont understand this woman

Wow, I was *just* tonight, thinking about posting about wedding rings! Great minds think alike [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Kevco....you're good! I think that you were right on target about why I am not wearing my rings! I actually took mine off in April. I called it the 'angry wife' syndrome. I was making a statement, although husband never once asked about it. Then, when I found out in June, I certainly have not had it on since! <p>My husband rarely wears his because of work issues as well, but he never put it on when he wasn't working either. That has always bothered me. A couple of months ago, he was going to put his on, but only if I put mine on. I physically could not do it. Emotionally, I couldn't do it as well. The rings don't seem to symbolize the same thing to me anymore. Sure, it means that we're married, but it also reminds me of broken vows. It is such a beautiful set and very expensive too, he certainly won't spend as much the 2nd time, nor do I expect him to.<p>He wondered if we could 'demonize' it, [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] instead of buying a new one. LOL! I just don't know. They are not *just* rings. <p>Anyways, I cannot put them on again until I feel that I can truly make a commitment to stay with him. I don't feel that I can do that without all of the information that I need. He hasn't gotten a DNA test yet....(long story). It's not that I'm saying that if this child is yours, I am leaving. It's that I don't know *what* I will say or feel. I, too, don't want to give him false hopes.<p>It's cute because he won't wear his wedding band until I do, but he's wearing the I.D. bracelet that I bought him when he was 16. Anybody remember those?! It says "love forever" on the inside and that's why he wears it.<p>I don't know how to go about 'demonizing' a ring, (he thought maybe a priest and holy water [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] ) but if everything works out for us, I do plan on renewing our vows.<p>fid22, glad that it was a simple answer!

My H took his wedding ring to the jewelry store, traded it up for a diamond bracelet and gave it to OW! I guess I should have figured out then that he felt nothing for me and our M.<p>I'm glad your W had hers back on when you saw her again!<p>MOM

MYOWNME said: . <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> My H took his wedding ring to the jewelry store, traded it up for a diamond bracelet and gave it to OW! I guess I should have figured out then that he felt nothing for me and our M. <hr></blockquote><p>How hurtful and hateful. Kinda like turning the knife in your heart. I'm so sorry for the pain this must have caused.