My WS & I had a really great weekend, which in itself scares me to death. Usually that means that she is either starting to try OR she is going to meet him somewhere. OM lives 4 hours away so they have only seen each other 2 times in the last 4 months. <p>Today I am really thinking that she is going to be with him. She told me she was going Christmas shopping, she has been alot lately..tiss the season. But she dropped the 3 yr. old off at the sitters. I call the OM work and they say he doesn't work there anymore and he's not answering at home. <p>What would you do if you did discover they they met somewhere ?? The weekend before last i confronted her about lieing to me about calling him..i know she does and finally got her to admit it. She still did each day last week also....<p>What do you do if you know your WS has had contact with OM...it's been 4 months since I discovered this "A". The first meeting with her and him was for her to "end-it" and she fessed up as soon as she returned. The last meeting was out of anger towards me. I did nothing in each of those meetings. This time i am thinking of showing her the door...Can you still Plan "A" and have any hope if they choose to meet the OP ???<p>This is driving me crazy today. <p>What to do.....what to do....
[img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

Sad Daddy,
This time i am thinking of showing her the door...
It is easier to monitor your progress of plan A by cohabitat however it take a lot of you. Snooping is fine but if you use the info. for other purpose than for yourself then you better not to do it. Plan A is about you. Giving unconditionally and at the same time show the changes that you could make for yourself. Show her the door when you are ready with plan B.<p>Can you still Plan "A" and have any hope if they choose to meet the OP ???<p>Yes, you could ... my WW "stay home" 2 nights out of a week. I probably win doormat of the year award. However I am not ready yet for plan B, WW still in anger state.

I really feel for you, as I, too, am very weary of the continued behind-my-back stuff, and I don't even think he's had sex w/OW during his post-D-day repeated contacts. As I explained to him, it is the continued deception that makes us have to start over every single time, that we could be 2-1/2 months down the road to recovery if he had been honest the first time he promised to work on the M, but now we're back to square one AGAIN and it may be the last start-over I have left in me.<p>It is the ones on this board farther down the road who help me hang on a little longer. When they tell me that their WSs said and did the same things mine is doing right now, but that it did eventually come to an end and that they are glad they kept on trying, it gives me that little spark of hope to get through another day.<p>It has also helped me to keep that 6-month plan A deadline in mind, that I only have to put up with this for that much longer, then I can plan B with a clear conscience. If you've been plan A-ing for 4 months, you only have 2 to go to meet that 6-month recommendation.<p>[ November 19, 2001: Message edited by: Conqueror ]</p>

Sad Daddy,<p>Still with you here my friend [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Plan A is about you being a better YOU. Focus on that and forget the A - it will die, YOU will not. When the A dies SHE needs to see the new YOU, and us too [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] that'S why you're in Plan A.<p>If it really gets up your nose - then go to Plan B. Cut the contact with her, tell her that your love for her is sliding because of her continued poor behaviour and it is this that you are protecting by going to Plan B. <p>You ONLY have control over YOUR life. You do not control her(s). If you let her go, in the sense that you can let HER make decisions for her life then you'll crack it. Until this point, she'll keep you exactly where she has you.<p>Sorry, may seem like hard words but that's where she is in her head. You pretending to be a doormat has a purpose - don't loose sight of that and you'll be ok.<p>take care,<p>- Freddy