snl,<p>I was reading your post to "diddallas", and found it quite interesting. You know my story as well as anyone here. I would like nothing more than a chance to save my marriage. Whether or not that happens, time will tell. I understand how and why this happened and that I played a big part in it. It hurts like hell, but it happens and I've got to take my share of the responsibility. The thing that hurts the most is that she hasn't told me truth, that the lies and deception have continued 7 months past d-day. I wish she would just tell me "I wasn't happy, I turned to OM for comfort and support, I fell in love with him and now I want to be with him" or "Yes, I did have a relationship with OM. It's over, but doesn't change how I feel about you" or whatever variation of that is applicable. I would respect her honesty, if not her decision.<p>What has me curious is why she hasn't told me. Is it to spare me from further pain (too late)? Is it because she doesn't care or respect me enough to tell me? Is it because she doesn't want to deal with the scorn of friends and family? Maybe a combination of all, maybe something else. I just wish she would tell me the truth, regardless of whether it's with an eye towards marital recovery or divorce. Just my thoughts today. <p>sad dad<p>[ November 19, 2001: Message edited by: sad dad ]<p>[ November 19, 2001: Message edited by: sad dad ]</p>

Sad Dad-<p>You pose a question that many of us BSs have asked. I'm interested in the answers as well. I suppose that my situation is a little better off than yours. At least my W has spoken Steve Harley several times. I thought you'd be interested in hearing of the approach Steve has taken with her on this issue of admitting wrong, etc.<p>Steve asked my W (the WS) to tell me how she thinks the A happened and what made her vulnerable to the A. She told me that she thought we were following a model for a good marriage and for this reason, she didn't feel like she needed to protect her weaknesses. She said this made it easier for OM to reach her heart. Hmmm...<p>I guess Steve has next asked her to talk about the affair and try to relate relate back to me how learning of the A made me feel. I'm waiting for this next step to happen. I'm guessing this is pretty hard for to do and she ends up finding less difficult tasks to take up her time.<p>Now, none of this is an apology. I think this approach makes her feel a little safer. It also helps me a little more because she is opening up about our problems and seems to be trying to understand my point of view and help me understand her point of view. I'm just impatient sometimes.<p>But, unfortunately, you are in a situation where your W doesn't even acknowledge the A so you are in a more difficult spot. Anyway, I thought I'd let you know how Steve is handling this problem for us.<p>HoFS

snl, where are you???