Hi --
This is my first time posting although I have been reading on this website for a couple of weeks. This is the last place that I would have ever imagined myself being, but I just discovered (2 weeks ago) that my husband (of almost 10 years) is having an A with a co-worker.<p>So, I will give you a little background, and then I would like some advice on what I should do now. When H first admitted to the affair and didn't leave, the OW said that he should just stay with his family. He agreed, and we were going to work on our M. Well, after a week, she says that she isn't going to let him go easily, and he says he "loves her too". So, he is still seeing her at work, talking to her, etc. He says that there has not been any sex, only talking, kissing, etc. Well, H tells me yesterday while we are talking that OW has been sick and he feels bad for not being there for her. He also told me that he has talked to her kids and they can't wait to meet him. He thinks that he could be really good for her kids (although we have 3 children of our own). He is supposed to be off of work for 4 days this weekend, and he says that he doesn't know if he can go 4 days without seeing her. Well, needless to say, all of that makes me sick!<p>So, what am I to do. I love him and want our marriage to survive. I don't want to have to tell our children, or anyone else for that matter. I don't want to ask him to leave because I never want my children to think that I asked him to leave. How do I deal with his being here, but yet being so "in love" with OW?<p>Thanks for any advice and help you can offer!

So sorry SadAtHome --
I think you are in the hardest place of all. Living with someone who won't give up the other person is really really terrible.<p>In your heart, if you know you want to stay married -- then use all the tools you find here. You're going to have to analyze where your marriage went wrong. What needs is your H getting met outside of your marriage? Start reading hon!<p>Everything you need to get started is here. Buy the books if you can!<p>And post often -- you'll get awesome advice.

Dear Sad, <p>First of all, know that you are not alone in this. As lonely and desparate as you feel there are people here who are with you and know EXACTLY what you are going through. Read everything you can on this site and read the books (It helped me understand what caused this to happen in my marriage).<p>Try to understand why your H made the decision to have an A. What was it that he was seeking in OW? Once you find this you can begin your journey towards rebuilding yourself. Read as much as you can to try to understand what to expect from your WS because most likely you are not dealing with the person you 'thought' you knew. (This has been the hardest part for me).<p>read, post, ask questions, tell your story, vent....we are here too. I wish you luck<p>WW4L

Thank you for your replies. I do feel as if the people here understand. I am beginning to understand that I have not been meeting my husband's emotional needs. I have known that he has not been happy for a while, but I thought that by giving him his "space", that would make him happy. I see now, that is not what he needed or probably even wanted. We don't really communicate so I don't think I have ever really known what would make him happy.
But, I have been unhappy too, and I didn't turn to someone else to meet those needs. This is why I am so hurt now that he has!<p>Thanks for the support. Sometimes, I feel as if I don't make much sense, but it helps to get these feeling out!

Dear sadathome,<p>If, as Lexxxy2 said, you want to stay married, go the Plan A explanation ASAP, and start the plan TODAY. It is actually about being a better you, not being a doormat for WH. <p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html <p>As you read, post, and learn while you Plan A, you are doing all that you can to save your M. You cannot make WH change. Only he can do that. But, this way you will know that you have done what you can to change things for the better.<p>Wishing you hope in your journey,<p>Estes