I am a wreck today. I just had a total meltdown over something so little. I am seriously beginning to think that I should be on meds. I am in Plan B, and I know Dr. Harley recommends taking meds to get through. Yet, I have been fighting it. My IC does not think I need it, and seems to think I have been handling things very well. She says that since I can sleep through the night and go to work I am fine. Yet, I feel like I am accomplishing nothing at work. I sit and stare or check this website. I am a first year attorney, so this is going to be a huge problem very soon. <p>To top it off, I am getting angry at my H for putting me in this position. Until now, I defended him constantly. But now I am just so angry- why is he doing this to me? How can he tell me he loves me and never stopped loving me, yet be emotionally attached to someone else. The thing that gets me the most angry is that I am mad he has this much control over me. He is controlling my every activity, my every thought. I have always prided myself on being a strong person, yet right now I feel so weak. <p>What do you guys think about meds? Too soon? Is this a normal part of grieving? I am miserable. Any input will be appreciated.<p>AS

Dear A.S.

All due respect to the IC, I think you should consult a medical doctor, preferably a psychiatrist, re this matter. They really are the experts.<p>Depression has several symptoms, other than insomnia---inability to concentrate, loss of 'quality of life', lack of appetite/eating too much, sleeping too much. I think that since YOU think it may be necessary for you now, that you should go with your instincts. Nobody knows you better than you. I almost let my untreated depression cost me my job. It's real scary.<p>Call your doctor, please.

Oops<p>Dear A.S.<p>Medication will help stabilize you and allow you to function a little better at work. You may need to seek the advice of a psychiatrist as they are the only ones that can prescribe anti-depressants.<p>I'm taking them....they work...Anything that can give you more coping skills during the most traumatic experience in your life should be considered a God send.<p>I wish you good luck.<p>WW4L

I agree with dd. Talk to your medical Dr and get another opinion. A councelor cannot prescribe meds. My C suggested St Johns Wort or SAM-E if I wanted to try the herbal way first. If not he definatly thought I should see my family doc for meds. <p>This is to hard, take all the help you can get to function properly on a day to day basis. These meds do not make you numb or immune to feelings. They just help you cope and get thru the day to day chores we all have to do without obsessing so much.

Yep, this is all part of the stages of GRIEVING, you are going into ANGRY MODE NOW, that is fine, just come here and vent. I was the same way, this place was the only thing that kept me sane. I think i am addicted to this website! As far as the meds go, i don't have much advice on that one. I tried to take St. John's Wart but no effect. I am in the opinion that everyone is so quick to take a pill for this or that. Don't get me wrong if it is MEDICALLY NEEDED then hey SIGN ME UP! But if it is something that can be avoided, why pump your body full of it. I tried taking St. Johns Wort but i gave it up after a few weeks, did nothing for me. I just depended on myself, friends, family and of course this site to help me through each day.

A.S.<p>I just don't understand Cs who discourage their patients from getting all the help that is available to them. There is a prevalent attitude towards "natural" survival, but that approach can cause the patient to suffer unnecessarily. I suppose it is a little like wanting a completely 'natural' childbirth. If that is really important to the patient, then that is the patient's choice; BUT the healthcare provider should not be making the decision of what level of pain/anguish the patient should be able to tolerate before requesting medication.<p>(As an aside, I know this might sound a little cynical, but most Cs cannot prescribe meds (as they are therapists or psychologists), so going to see a psychiatrist might be seen as competition. Although I don't think the majority of Cs think this way, there are some that see a patient consulting another healthcare provider as a risk to his or her practice.)<p>This is 'do as I say and not as I did' advice. I tried to stay away from anti-deps for the first 6 months post d-day. I am one of those "no drugs" people and have been most of my life. The only exceptions I have made have been during labour and, now, post A. If I had it to do over, I would have started taking anti-deps months before I actually did. I really do think that I suffered much more than I chemically had to. Maybe I would have ended up at the same place, with time; but why did I spend that extra time dealing with more agony than I had to???<p>The anti-deps were not a miracle cure. I did not go from severely unhappy to cheerful, but it did take out the bottoms from my moods, helped me to concentrate at work and pay attention to my children better, and to weather the bumps in M recovery.<p>See a psychiatrist or a physician to discuss anti-deps and their potential side effects. Do NOT rely on your C's advice. You are obviously seriously affected by the situation in your life, you have been exhibiting symptoms of depression for more than two weeks (the time threshold), you are looking for ways to cope better. I see no reason for cutting off this avenue of assistance without at least discussing it with someone who can prescribe meds.<p>Take care of yourself, okay? Don't let others tell you what you need and what you don't need. You know how you feel best. Please listen to your feelings!<p>OneDay

Dear advice seeker,<p>Run, don't walk to the doctor. These meds can literally be life savers. They don't dope you up or anything. You don't even know you are taking anything when the dosage is correct. You just feel normal. They balance chemicals in the brain that can get out of balance (be depleted), especially under stress. Once the stress subsides and balance is resumed, you won't need them anymore.<p>Think of it this way, coughs and congestion are all normal parts of having a cold, but appropriate meds surely can help us feel better and help us function better until it's over, right?<p>Whether you decide to take medication or not, it's not a sign of weakness to take advantage of something that has been proven to be very safe and helpful to many. If you are worried about side effects, you can stop the med if anything shows up. they are not addicting at all. If they do help you put things in a more positive perspective, they can help save your marriage.<p>Good luck,
Estes

I asked this same question a few days ago. Saw psychiatrist yesterday and started on anti-depressant and pill to relieve anxiety. Takes a while to start helping but anxiety drug is helping a little already. My W had EA and now is doubting our compatibility. I too am an attorney in my own practice and I now find myself on this website several hours a day. It is very helpful but my work isn't getting done. I would recommend medication because it is supposed to -for the short term - calm things down a bit so you can take care of the rest of your life and not be too uptight. (I may need to increase my dose)<p>Keep us posted.

Thanks to everyone for the replies! I think that meds may be the way for me to go for now- at least I can try and get some work done. My work product is really suffering, and I cannot even imagine what life would be like if I lost my job (I am in charge of the mortgage, etc...) That would just add insult to injury.<p>Plus, I am tired of obsessively thinking about my H. Maybe this will give me the opportunity to live again. I am trying, and I do spend a great deal of time with friends, but H is always on my mind. <p>OneDay-I loved the comparison with natural childbirth. No thanks- give me the meds.<p>Yeah, RJB2- I am on this website several hours a day as well. I am a fairly new associate, so I need to be billing hours, not obsessing over a website or my marriage. I need to minimize the time I spend reading the various posts, yet I can't stop. Maybe meds will get me under control.<p>Again, thank you all for your support. It means so much to have others who are in similar situations and who truly understand my emotions- peaks and valleys.<p>AS

Gosh, AS, I am so glad you got the responses here that you did. I was really worried about you.<p>
See above: These meds can be life-savers--yes, they can! I promise you, I would have committed suicide years ago without them and how would that have affected my loved ones? I also think sometimes we do run to pills too much - though I am the kind who will suffer hours with pain before breaking down to an aspirin - but the medications that help me keep an even emotional keel are as necessary as air to me...and I will continue to take them.<p>Please post back and give a progress report.

My MD said that if there was something out there to help people who had difficulty coping, why suffer? He is right.

Hi everyone- <p>I just wanted to give you a status update. I just have come from seeing my doctor and she agreed to prescribe meds. I know they take a few weeks to kick in (she actually said 4 to 6 weeks) and I can't wait. At least I should be under control for Christmas [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I am sure my co-workers and friends/family will also be appreciative. I guess I realized it was time to take the initiative and get some help. If the meds don't work, I can stop them at anytime.<p>Thank you all for your concern. I was a wreck yesterday- who knows why. DidDallas- I too have always fought taking meds. But, I think the response I got here showed me that it is okay to take them. It will help me to focus on my objective- making me a better person.<p>I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving!!!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

advice seeker,<p>I am SO glad that you saw your doctor and that she agreed that prescribing meds is a good idea! Depending which medication it is, it might take a while. Also, if this first medication does not help (or the side effects are bad), don't worry - sometimes it takes trying a few anti-deps to get the right one. I know that is probably the last thing you want to hear, but I wanted you to know that this is common and not to worry.<p>Since you liked the comparison to childbirth, I thought of an additional comment - the whole labour and delivery thing is a question of hours and at the very worst a couple of days, whereas the anguish of betrayal lasts for many months, possibly into a year or two. So, if one says 'yes' to meds for some relief from painful hours/days, why on earth would one not say 'yes' to meds for some relief from painful months/year???<p>Good for you that you saw the doc right away! Now go get that prescription filled, and let us know how you are doing. Okay?<p>OneDay<p>p.s. Do you have an e-mail address? I can give you mine, if you prefer; or you could just find mine in the Roll Call Index.<p>[ November 21, 2001: Message edited by: OneDay ]</p>

AS,<p>I'm sooo glad! Keep in mind, tho, that you might start to feel better much sooner than the '4-6' weeks...it just takes that long to fully get in your system. I usually start to feel better within a week or so...