See my previous post "AAAAAAAAHHHH...." for the story of my weekend. <p>H didn't contact me at all yesterday, which was fine, as I didn't expect him to. Based on the advice of everyone here, I decided not to text him at all, or ring him, or even make first contact after this weekend. I've stuck to it.<p>This afternoon he sent me a text at about 2:30pm. I was in the pub having lunch with friends and genuinely enjoying myself. It said, "Hi. Hope you're okay and having a good weekend". I didn't reply to it. I didn't want to. Like I said, I was having fun. <p>Just received another one (5:45pm) saying "So did you have a Sunday roast today? What did you mean about I would be lucky to see you next week?"<p>Haven't replied to that one, either. Guess I'm just trying to figure where he's coming from. It could be a few things. <p>A) He's paranoid that I've run off and taken all his money and posessions - even though I think he knows deep down that I would never do anything like that. But God knows what kind of wacky ideas OW is planting in his head!
B) He's starting to wonder why I'm not texting him back or haven't called him all weekend.
C) He's missing me? He's missing my texts and attention? He's missing my words of love? <p>What do you all think? I honestly didn't think he would say a single word to me this weekend, and today I've had two texts. A, B, or C? And should I reply? And if he calls tonight, should I answer? Or should I make him sweat a bit? <p>I think I'm losing the plot. Help!<p>venusenvy

Hi,<p> I vote for B. I would not answer his texts(emails?) While you are out having a good time for yourself. However unless you are in Plan B, I would answer any new ones after your fun time is over. And I would answer the phone if he calls.<p> But, then again, There are those that adhere to the tough love policy. I cannot say if that road is a better way to travel.<p> Luck to you<p> jd

I vote a BIG B & C for Mr. Cakeman.<p>Venus,<p>Your H is having a fun time with this it seems. Your Plan A is very good, and he's enjoying himself, but now you've put a seed of doubt in him, he's wondering HOW COME SHE'S BEING SO NICE?<p>You're not playing games here, you should be enjoying yourself. Keep it up, but WHEN you do see him, make sure he knows you love him and don't give him any dukey about his Lesbian playpal. Plan A, Plan A, Plan A!<p>I don't know how you're doing it, keeping from LBing, but you're certianly to be admired, Hon.<p>Up and down and up and down ... what a ride, eh?<p>Love,
Jo

Ohhh, wait ... I think you should not respond to his text msgs. And I also think if you're not busy this evening and FEEL like talking to him, then yes talk to him on the phone tonight. But don't ask him any questions about his week-end, it won't serve any purpose.<p>You're really doing a good job, Venus!<p>Lv,
Jo

Thanks everyone. Feeling a bit guilty for wasting the board with such trite, but I honestly get the best advice here and I know you all know where I'm comin from. It SO helps!<p>Anyway, I finally sent him a text back at about 9:30 saying "Yea, had possibly the BEST Sunday roast ever at a country pub. And weekend was fab. Thanks for asking. xoxo" Didn't even acknowlege his question about him seeing next week if he's lucky. Let him stew on that one. <p>No LB. Just let him know I had a great time this weekend, because I really did. <p>But why do I feel like I'm playing games? <p>Resilient; I won't ask him about his weekend, because I honestly don't care and I don't want to know. Thanks for letting me know I'm doing a good job. It does help to hear it! <p>love,
me

Playing a game?<p>This is a hard one to answer, because at times I felt the same way by not being completely available to my H while separated and he was actively in his A.I wanted him to see I wasn't hanging by the phone waiting .... which by the way, sometimes I was.<p>Maybe you "feel" like you're playing games because you are use to being completely open with your H regarding everything, whether he asks or not. <p>You are "seriously" trying to not only survive this, but trying to repair and rebuild yourself as well as the marriage, this is not a game. <p>I say that when you are working on you, evaluating and self examining what your part was in the marriage problems, and if that means you becoming stronger and are doing things on your own, while at the same time your H is wondering what you're up to, is not necessarily a game.<p>whatcha think, V?<p>Jo<p>[ November 25, 2001: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

You're absolutely right, Resilient! I guess I feel like I'm playing games because I'm not jumping up to answer his text messages and saying things to my H like, "you'll see me next week if you're lucky". While I did say this with a giggle, I truly felt that way. I guess I have reached a point where I'm not wanting to be there for his every whim and quite frankly, I'm sick of playing this whole thing by his rules. HE decides when we spend time together. HE decides when we will have communication. HE decided to bail out on our M. <p>I will continue in Plan A, but I'm feeling like it's my turn, as well. I suppose the "playing games" feeling is just as you described. I'm not sitting by the phone anymore waiting for him to call. Like yesterday at the pub, I would have normally taken my mobile phone out of my handbag and put it next to me on the table. I didn't. I left it in my bag and only checked it when I was leaving the pub. Big thing for me, indeed. <p>Of course, this morning here I am on the computer wondering why he hasn't emailed me! Go figure! Last week I received loads of emails from him first thing in the morning. Now, nothing. So my mind is spinning wondering what's going on. Did he have sex with her this weekend and is feeling guilty? Is he thinking to himself, "fine. She won't answer me, so I won't bother?"<p>THAT is why this feels like I'm playing games. <p>Thanks for the input. You do have such a good grasp on this and it's much appreciated!<p>love
V

V,<p>I've bells going off in my head right now - is there a chance that your actions could make him angry? I'm a little concerned that he's asked you a direct question and you haven't given a direct answer.<p>What did you mean about I would be lucky to see you next week?"<p>V, he's in doubt about how you feel and there is a danger that this will increase his insecurities and fears. If the OW can ease his pain and make him feel comfortable, then your Plan A is backfiring and we don't want that.<p>An MB principle is to be radically honest about your feelings. So, you should tell him 'hey guy, I'm in pain. It hurt me that you spent the weekend with OW. I'm having a hard time dealing with that. My comment meant this ....'<p>and then tell him what you meant. Remember that months of Plan Aing can be undone very quickly - believe me, I've been there [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>good luck,<p>- Freddy

Freddy - very good points. Things actually got a bit better today. I did address his question. He didn't ask, but I addressed it. Said that I wasn't sure if I could see him this week because I was hurting. His reaction was mild, really. I then had a very long think about it and realised it wasn't that I didn't want to see him, but rather was scared that he didn't want to see me. Pretty scary being that honest with myself, but I had to. <p>I also told him this new revelation and he responded with, "but I do want to see you this week". So we've decided to have another evening on Wednesday. <p>I do know what you mean about all the Plan A efforts flying out the window quite quickly. And in the future, I am definitely going to be more aware of that. Thanks for the wake-up call, love! I really do appreciate that!<p>v