I just wanted to Thank you all who responed to my post, It means a great deal to me to know I can come here and not be judged and to be able to pour my heart and soul out to you all and get rsponses that are so uplifting. I wish you all peace and happiness for you all def. deserve it.<p>
Good night and God Bless
Love Sally

If you read Sally, there is an excellent book called "The Dance of Anger", by Harriet Goldhor Lerner, Ph.D<p>It's geared for women, and is a guide to managing the patterns of intimate relationships and allowing yourself anger when appropriate within those relationships.<p>I still struggle with getting angry at my H for all the things he did, but when I do successfully get angry at him and not internalize it, the cycle of grief runs like it should and I don't get stuck in depression, which is a God send. Depression is so scary and so dark, feels like there's no way to turn or no way out at times.<p>Jo

Sad Sally, don't ever feel like you are depressing others. The reason we come on this board is to share one another's burdens. We are not here for fun and games. You are a very valuable person and God wants health and happiness for you. He will teach you about yourself, if you let him. <p>There are some very good points here and the internalizing anger at oneself is truly something to try to understand. I have done that to myself alot throughout my life and depression was my middle name but God has taught me to express my emotions (especially anger) and as I get better and better, the depression decreases. <p>Your WS is a jerk----it is beyond compehension how someone can abandon those who should be cherished and pursue selfish gain. I hope I never am capable of doing that to anyone.<p>Is contact with him making things worse? Letting him say such harmful things to you cannot help but make you depressed. Have you considered Plan B? He certainly is not wanting recovery so protect yourself as best you can.<p>God bless and I am praying for you and your precious children.<p>TW

Hi SS, Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you and praying for you and your family. <p>You will make it through this and your H will one day realize what he has given up. It just hasn't happened yet. Be patient and BELIEVE. <p>You have received some excellent advice on this thread. Please take care of yourself. Your kids will need your strength and your spirit.<p>Hugs

{{{{{{{{{{{{Sally}}}}}}}}}}}}}<p>Hugs to you from C A L I....<p>O my heart breaks for you...please take care of yourself...I am so glad you came here for support...that is the BEST thing YOU can do is ask for help...<p>My sister didn't and ended up hospitalized last week...she is safe and now living with me for the time...but the whole thing is over she and her H splitting...<p>Please just ask for help and then GET IT!!!<p>It is hard...we all know it...but look to God for He IS your strength...just pray and listen for His words...YOU will find them....<p>C A L I

Thank you to all , for all the responses I recieved last night, I am so grateful to each and everyone of you for your support. Love and God's blessings to you all. ((((((((MB))))))<p>
Love and hugs Sally

SS, I'm so very sorry for your pain. I know there's not much that can be said to help but know that my thoughts will be with you. I've known the complete dispair you feel. I tell myself "This too shall pass" and it will you know. In any event it will pass.<p>You think you're H is going on to a new life. Think on that for a second, would you want the "life" he's building for himself? A life built on the the rubble of his family? A life built on the sands of lies, deception, betrayal and deceit? I'm sorry but that's not a life I'd wish on anyone. Sooner or later the import of his actions will come home. I'd pity him if anything. May you gain strength and character through this experience and come through the fires a better person.<p>Paul

Hi Sally,<p>Just got home from work and got to look at a few posts. <p>My oldest daughter stopped by too and said "Gee Mom, that could have been written by you." She is right, it could have. <p>I, too have had all those feelings...and I still miss my family. However, I am starting to have "nightmares" or almost awake dreams about all the horrible things he has done or said to me---not only the last few months, but through our marriage.<p>I miss my "family" or what I wanted from this family. I am starting to really look at what I had though...and I don't want him back. I want my idealized version of my family back. Unfortunately, he is not the person I wanted for me or the kids. <p>I go through periods of despair, anger, hopelessness, loneliness, and panic. But, for some reason, I am feeling stronger. I don't know what the future is going to hold....but I hope it brings more laughter, love, honesty, comraderie....the things I believe in. In the meantime, I have been trying to not let the bad feelings completely envelop me...I am trying not to look to far into the future...and I am trying not to feel about the past. <p>We are going to have a good Christmas. We had a good Thanksgiving. I have a lot of love to give....and my husband is missing out on so much. That is his problem. I worked da** hard for my marriage. I truely loved him and he continuously let me down. That is reality. It was his choice. I am not going to let his behavior destroy me or the kids emotionally anymore if I can help it. He will have to live with what he has done.....I can move on pretty much guilt free. Do I wish things were different....yep....but in the meantime....life should be lived. I have the best part of him....the kids. <p>I have to run...our Christmas parade and tree lighting ceremony is tonight. Kyle is in the parade and Kaitie is singing in a special chorus....and it is cold here tonight...It may even snow. <p>I wish you lived closer....I wish a lot of us did....I think only people who have been through this will ever be able to completely empathize. Lots of hugs to you Sally. You will be in my prayers. Take Care.....and I know that our futures will be bright....maybe not what we envisioned before....but we know what is important in life. I am going to have a great life.....no matter what my H does.

Paul, Thank you so much for your thoughts, everything you say is the truth, I hope someday he feels the pain and hurt he has caused.<p>MnM, Good to hear from you, yes I wish I did live closer sounds like you could really help me through a lot. I am still really very depressed today and missing him. You sound like you are really becoming stronger, your an inspiration.<p>
Love Sally

I don't know Sally...I don't feel very inspiring. Last weekend in Dallas my brother and I took the kids shopping to a large mall there. <p>Last year, we did the same thing...only I did it with my H. After being there for a few minutes, I thought I was going to just die. It was the worst feeling. All the memories kept flooding into my mind. It was awful. All I wanted to do was get out of there. Of course, that wasn't possible with 5 teenage girls, and three other kids. That is when I decided that this has to end. I have to start living in the now. I need to savor what is going on in my life now.<p>I don't think this is going to be easy. I still love my H....but I don't love what he has done to me and the kids....and I don't even like what he has become. So...where do you go then. <p>The bills still aren't being paid, I don't know where the divorce is going....I just need to get to a better place. That is where I am now.<p>I think the waves of lonliness, the anger and the bitterness, and the disbelief are all stages of unentwining. Marriage is such a complicated thing and it is tough when it breaks up. I couldn't imagine doing what he has done. I really couldn't see doing it. I would have stayed with my marriage forever...because I believe in that. My H didn't...and I can't change him.<p>I am sorry you are feeling so bad. It is the worst....but I just have to believe that it will get better. Take care....My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your kids. Pat

Hi SS. Just wanted to let you know I was here and sorry to hear of your pain.<p>Your H is a jerk, you are a wonderful person who does not deserve this pain. Please take care.<p>Thanks, Jo for recommending that book and talking about repressing the anger into depression. Now I finally understand why I wasn't expressing my anger for the longest time. Thank you all so much.<p><<<<<SS>>>>>
HbH

Thanks MnM, I know what you mean when the memories start flooding in, it is so painful, I still do love my H, but I hate what he has done and what he has become, I am always thinking of you and your kids and praying for you.<p>
Thanks Hurtbyhubby for your reply, and support, It means a great deal to me. Thanks so very much.<p>
Love and Hug
Sally