D-Day: 10/7/01
I was suspicious of my H having an EA online with someone...I asked a friend to send me a decoder so that I could find out...I got his password and when he left that day I read all the e-mails sent between them....I was devastated...This happened to be his birthday so I didn't want to confront him on this day...It was so hard..finally that night (after a few drinks) I couldn't hold it in...As he put it the flood gates opened...I told him what I had done...He was shocked that I knew...We talked about a lot of things including ending the marriage (which I don't think either one of us wanted to do) but he was caught off gaurd and wasn't sure what to say..It was a rough night...The next morning we talked again...I told him he could continue to talk to her if he kept it just as friends...That seemed to appease him and we decided we would work it out...He didn't know that I could still read his e-mail.<p>The story continues:
In the e-mails I read he had mentioned that a co-worker liked him and that he had to "nip that in the bud" I asked him about that and he said there was nothing to it...She flirted with him and he liked the attention but there was nothing to it...well about a week later I read an e-mail he wrote to the co-worker and he had called her "sweetie" and said "I can't wait to see you in the morning" I confronted him about it and he said the "sweetie" thing was an office joke and the other comment was harmless....<p>The last (and worst) part of the story:
All along I kept asking him if he had ever cheated on me...He kept saying no and I wanted to believe him but I read in one of his e-mails to the online OW that he "has being hiding a lot of things from (me), some good, some bad, and some that would kill me." I finally just told him that I read that and he finally told me about the one night stand he had about 10 years ago with a friend of mine while we were at college. He apologized sincerely and has said he has never even touched another W since then...I do believe him about that...<p>Where we are now:
We are very committed to each other and are very much in love...We took the EN questionaire and suprisingly are top 4 of 5 needs were the same and we learned a lot from each other. He still has contact with the online OW but he knows that I can read his e-mail if I want to (It still hurts though) but I don't want to force him to discontinue. I want it to be on his own. He does work with the OW at the office but he says that it is a professional relationship. (I want to believe him). He has promised to let me know when they come in contact and that he would talk about her more (I was having a hard time because he wouldnt mention her when talking about his day because he thought it would hurt me, when actually I thought he was hiding things from me)<p>We are going to make it but I am having a hard time getting over it all I still cry a lot and he doesnt know what to say or do to help me....It's hard for me to know that he has kept the A from me for 10 years (I know he just didnt want to hurt me) I had always thought of our marriage as being perfect...What a shock..and I have a hard time with him needing the OW online to talk to (why can't he talk to me) but he wants to remain friends with her...I am coping with that...<p>No one needs to respond....I was just glad to find a spot where I could vent and get my story out....I don't have anyone I can talk to...this is the first time I have told anyone...<p>Thanks for being here.<p>Stacey
