Hi all im so d*** mad i just need to come on and vent, H has taken me out a few times latley and its been nice.
He has stayed a few nights and thats been good, my biggest fault is still trying to find out what he wants big LB.<p>I find it so hard to not ask i feel he should know by now.
I want him to come home, but he says he dosent want to for the wrong reasons, i do admire him for that.<p>Anyway seems at the moment he stays with OW some of the time (still hasent met her kids) here some of the time and on his own the rest.
I know cake man!! but i feel i can try to plan A if he is here sometimes.<p>He has shown no interest in SF the last couple of times he has stayed so he is not just after that!!
Still says he dosent know what he wants.
Anyway im determined im not going to question him anymore.
Im gonna plan A my butt off, when he was here today i said are you staying or going tonight and he calmly said no not here.<p>I said ok you wont want tea then, H went off into garage to mend a bike and i left him to it.
My stomach was doing flips as usual.
When he came in he said im going to shower to warmup.
TRANSLATION im going to shower before i go and see OW.
This makes me so angry talk about rub it in my face!!<p>I did not LB i just got in with things, H showered got dressed and left, no kiss just muttered about some job that needed doing on truck.<p>So im left here knowing he is with OW tonight and will be tomorrow night as he always is on Wednesday.
This sucks how can i keep putting up with being treated like i dont exist and try and smile sweetly.
Sorry dont know how much more i can take, i love him so much but i feel so alone and unloved.
Liz

Hugs to you!<p>You are doing great. Don't try and get him to tell you what he plans to do, and try and keep your mind on other things when you know he is with OW! It is hard, but so important that your husband KNOWS that he is in safe territory - the affair will end eventually and he will realize that you are the best thing that ever happened to him! <p>I'm glad he still comes over and you have managed to provide a quality time for him when he is there.<p>Hang in there! It's tough - but you are doing such a good job! Vent here if you like!
TNT

Thanx TNT i dont feel like im doing a good job most of the time, and find it so hard to not LB when he is hurting his family so much.
Its taking a long time to realise that trying to talk to him does more harm than good.<p>But i think i have finaly realised i have been doing harm and its been to much LB on my part.
I have to switch off and let him do what he wants and not question him and hope its not to late.<p>The only thing keeping me going is knowing that at least he hasent moved in with OW yet so maybe just maybe there is still hope.
Thanx again.
Liz

Hey Lizzle!<p>Was starting to wonder where you had got to!<p>Okay, you do have a few positives here. Let's look at them.<p>*He's still coming round.
*He's willing to spend the night.
*He's taken you out.<p>These are all very good. And I think you did a great job tonight. Knowing he was showering before seeing OW and keeping schtum. Well done!<p>Yes, this sucks. Yes, you are hurting. But you are definitely doing the right thing by coming on here to vent instead of AT HIM. <p>The hardest part is letting him go to OW. I know, because my H does this on the weekends. Weekends when I wish he was with me, he chooses to be with her. Ouch! <p>I guess the question is, do you feel like you are seeing any progress with your Plan A? <p>Stay strong, darlin! We're here for you!<p>love,
venusenvy

Golly gee whiz - if knowing there is hope is what is going to keep you going - You can be like that energizer bunny - because there is some definite "hope" there!<p>You are interacting with husband without lovebusters. That is MAJORLY good! Yes, there is hope. There isn't hope when you just can't do that. I've been here long enough to see that if the BS continues to react with LB - <very easy to do> that their chances of recovery are just about nil. That doesn't mean that the lovebusting BS doesn't love their spouse anymore than the non-lovebusting BS.... It is just that they haven't learned self-control. <p>So, you have 1/2+ job of restoring your marriage already completed - now you just have to "keep on keeping on" until that affair dies. Hang in there! It will die, pretty soon OW starts lovebusting... and where will he want to spend his time then? <p>Hope Hope Hope - just like that ole' energizer bunny. You can do this!<p>TnT