I just can't. Plan A/B. Do I stay Do I go? Sick to death of it all.<p> You guys have been great.<p> jd

((((((((((((((((((jdmac))))))))))))))))))))<p>Take a breath.....ahhhhhhhhhhhhh<p>Now read on...<p>You can't do this any more? That is the exact phrase my H used to me regarding our marriage, and his commitment to it. <p>This is what I believe: there is no such word as 'can't'. It means 'won't' when people say it, to help justify unwillingnes to try. <p>Read, read, read!!! Even get off the boards for a while to help you focus.<p>Please do NOT give up: when the going gets tough, the tough get going!!!!<p>Love and light,
Jscky

{{{jdmac}}}
There, I hugged you back. Thanks for your reply to my post. I know how hard it is to keep trying. I can't anymore, either, since H won't really let me. Are you still living with your W? Sorry, I can't keep everyone's stories right (I am 40, you know!). Anyway, not much to offer other than prayers for you to be at peace with whatever your decision turns out to be. <p>Take care,
MOM

JD,
Only you know how much you can take. It's so hard knowing when to walk away. When we've reached our limit. Can you get away for the weekend? Take a break from your W, and the stress you've been under this week with your D in the hospital. Just go to your family, or go out camping, or head out of town just to spend some time alone sight-seeing or something? This might help clear your head, rejuvenate yourSELF, and help you with your no-contact in Plan B.<p>{{{{{JD}}}}}<p>You are strong, and you're going to be fine no matter what.

Hey JD,<p>Let's break out of here and go for a beer? Which brings me to a very, very old joke: What's making love in a kyak and a Bud have in common? They're both f..ing close to water [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>And here's another really awful one for you - guy gets into the hotel lift and accidentally elbows a woman in her breast. So, he turns to her and says 'I'm so sorry, but if your heart is as soft as your breast, you'll forgive me'. And she replies 'well, if your c**k is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 42' [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] I know, not the kind of joke you tell here.<p>hey JD, we're with you man, take courage and go see your D. I really hope she's better.<p>- Freddy<p>PS. JD - this is my first day at home - I'm now officially redundant !!!<p>[ November 30, 2001: Message edited by: Freddy ]<p>[ November 30, 2001: Message edited by: Freddy ]</p>

Thanks Everyone,<p> Sorry I did not update about my Daughter, She got out of the hospital yesterday about noon. Doing MUCH better. That is the only bright spot to this whole lousy week. Actually the only bright spot since before Thanksgiving.<p> Thanks for the jokes Freddy. Ya got a smile. Which is something considering where I'm at right now.<p> jd

Can't compete with your hugs, jdmac!!!<p>Thanks again for reminding me of your story. I'm right with you on hating my H and yet not wanting my life to be without him. I'm so sorry your W has chosen another OM. This sucks rocks. I think my relationship with my H is the same as you described: co-dependency. We've got to break that don't we? While we're expending all the time, energy and emotions, our lives are passing us by. Don't know how old you are, but I'm 40 (soon to be 41) and I really want the next year to be a happier one than this one's been. Again, my prayers are with you. I'm only now starting to realize that for a long time, God's been nudging me out of this relationship. He's finally had to "hit me over the head" with it, as in conversations with my H like I had last night; futile wastes of time and energy.<p>Take care,
MOM

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by jdmac1:
<strong>I just can't. Plan A/B. Do I stay Do I go? Sick to death of it all.<p> You guys have been great.<p> jd</strong><hr></blockquote><p> Only you can make that decision, and I think you will know when it's time. Plan A worked wonders for us to a certain point, and in certain ways, but after awhile it was too much fence sitting, too much back and forth. I eventually got sick of the revolving door and the broken promises. It was like my H was almost out of the fog (and some days there was great clarity), poised right on the edge, but stalled. Then when he pulled yet another come home for afew days/leave again thing I snapped. I came to the realization that I couldn't do it anymore. The life had been sucked out of me. I was physically and emotionally drained. Then I instituted Plan B (which only lasted 3 days) and I gave an ultimatum ("the next time you come home it has to be for good, or it's over"). Once he realized I was serious the fog was ripped away. But the key was, I was ready for whatever the outcome, either way. As much as it would have broken my heart (which was already smashe din tiny pieces anyway) if he had made the decision not to be with me, I had reached the end of my rope and I knew it. I had already experienced so much pain I was finally going numb. If you aren't' sure, you probably aren't there yet. No one but you will know when/if that time comes.

Hugs...[[[[[[[[[[JDMAC1]]]]]]]]]]]...<p>This is tough stuff...One of the books I just read "When Things Fall Apart" (Eastern Philosophy) talks about "The big squeeze" and what people do when things fall apart...<p>You are growing JDMAC1...you are learning...and yes, YOU CAN do that somemore....<p>...but as for your situation and what you live with...that's between you and God...<p>...my advice is to pray about it...then pray somemore...in a really quiet place all by yourself...then don't make any quick decisions...but listen...really listen to your heart for the answer...it is their in the stillness of life.<p>Cali.

Thanks Everyone,<p> Yes that is what everyone keeps saying, I will know when it is time to go, or Plan B or whatever. I was so ready for that too, then she did a complete 180 and I fell for her crap again. <p> You guys/gals are gonna quit giving me advice before long. I know one reason the oldtimers don't post as much is because of people like me who are in their own kind of fog. Waffling between completely following MB principles and sort of making our own guidlines for going to the different plans. <p> At any rate I appreciate all the advice and gentle nudges that keep me going in whichever plan I am in. Supposed to be Plan B right now. SIGH. Well, I'll get that right before long to, or go quite nuts in the process.<p> jd

Hi JD dont have much advice to give just wanted to say i know how you feel.
One day im all for telling H to get out of our lives completely and OW is welcome.
But it dosent last long, i know i cant let go untill H tells me we are over and there is no chance.<p>Maybe one day i will wake up and realise life is to short to keep wanting a man that shows no sign of wanting me (im not getting any younger but still ok im told).<p>But untill that day i guess i live in hope and thats about all we can do.
Hugs to you.
Liz

JD,<p>Nope, not giving up on you...... ya hear!!!!<p>You are in the stages of grieving. Remember that thread? Anger and frustration are in those stages and your feelings are what I & many others here have felt. Now moving forward will be with insight. <p>I will send some jokes later. Glad your daughter is home and recoverying. <p>Take Care.....don't leave us ok??? [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>L.

Hey JD! Man didn't know your situation and mine were so close. I feel for ya man. Came home tonight an found W talking to yet another OM. God how many does she have? All EA's I'm sure but this is getting nuts! And we talked about this OM in the councelling office today! Nearly turned into a fight during my son's 11th b-day party. Find a Christian Dr. in your area. That towns bound to have some. Check into some anti-depressants. They'll help to make rational and not emotional decisions. E-mail me. Later. Jerry.

Hi JD. I just wanted to add that you may not know my story, but I went to plan B THREE freakin' times.<p>The first time was right, absolutely, I could not take any more, I was at the end of my rope. <p>But, I broke it, because my H "needed to talk".<p>Then, back to plan B again, broke it a 2nd time because H "needed to talk".<p>The third time was my mistake, I did it out of pain and not thinking clearly because my H just confessed to going PA.<p>My point is that life goes on. No one can do a perfect job. My H tells me that going to plan B was the worst thing I could have ever done, it sent him into the deepest depression he's ever been in. (and he claims sent him into OW's arms - nope, I don't think so - his choice).<p>Nope. It was the best decision I ever made. It was not for him, it was FOR ME. It made me whole again, I was ready to move on with or without him. Then he had to go and start coming out of the fog and being all sweet again, and well, there went my single life. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>My point, is that you really do know when you are ready. You should always wait at least 3 days before giving the letter, so that in the case that you are being reactionary and just going to plan B out of revenge/pain/etc, that should give you enough time for you to think clearly and know if the time is right.<p>You say you are in plan B now, right? So, start acting like it!! One small relapse isn't going to screw things up. Heck, I even had sex with my H the first time we broke plan B (can you believe that one, I'm not even supposed to be talking to him...).<p>Good luck, JD. You will survive.
HbH

Thanks lizzle, Orchid, hurtbyhubby, and Jerry, and those I have already thanked.<p> I appreciate your replies very much. <p> jd<p>[ December 01, 2001: Message edited by: jdmac1 ]</p>