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Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 40
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OP
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Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 40 |
Hi -- My H has said that he is trying really hard to do what is right and save our M for our children. But, he is really hurting over losing his OW. He says he loves her and it is hard to think about not being with her. They still have contact because they work together. She has turned in her notice and my H is looking for another job, but they will still see each other for a little bit of time. What should my response be to him when he tells me how bad he is hurting? Should I try to comfort him although I don't really know what to say. Should I just give him space? Thanks for any insight!<p>P.S. He did say that if he makes it through this, he will definitely never do this again!
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 1,227
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 1,227 |
give him space and let him work through his withdrawal on his own.<p>Be there when you can and when he says he needs you, don't smother him.<p>SAH, don't worry about all this stuff he is telling you. Most likely, maybe 3-4 months from now, he'll be telling you that it wasn't really love, that he was "fogged up" and all the other stuff that WS's realize when the fog lifts.<p>Keep working on you and doing stuff for you while he is in withdrawal. Do not focus on him and lose site of yourself because you will just get really, really hurt. (withdrawal sucks and is extremely hard on the BS, especially if they are home and confide in you about their feelings).<p>Good luck.
HbH
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 285
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 285 |
I would say that all you can really do is validate his feelings. When he tells you how hard it is just say, I understand that this is a very difficult time for you. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you get through this. <p>I know this is hard. I keep telling my WH that I do want him to talk to me about anything he wants, but it is really hard to hear.<p>Hold on, she will be gone from daily life soon.
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Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 1,649
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Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 1,649 |
I agree with valdiating his feelings--after all, he really is feeling it, isn't he? Or thinks he is, anyway. I'm not sure what I would say (only because I can;t think of anything wouldn;t sound like I was being a total witch) but I would try to show him love. He is ending his A to be with you. I also agree that once they are not thrown together at work everyday, she will begin to fade more and more from his thoughts. <p>I'm sending you one ounce of courage (it's all I have to spare right now) because you are certainly using all you have to get through this. Be proud of yourself.
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