I was talking to a friend of mine and something just occurred to me:<p>I wonder how many people here come from divroced homes and how many don't.<p>My friend was engaged (until I read her a post from someone here). Now she's contimplating marriage, divorce and the like. She comes from a family where no one has ever been divorced. My dad left my mom for TOW and OC when I was a baby.<p>She wants to get married but fears she may end up divorced from this guy. To my thinking divorce is just part of life-sometimes.<p>So for anybody who wants to answer this question, I wonder how many people here come from divorced homes.

My parents have been married 45 years. My husband's parents have been married 48 years. His two sisters have each been divorced twice.
Go figure.

My mom and dad were married 25 years until he died. I always wanted them to divorce (my dad molested me) but they never did. <p>My H's parents were never married. He comes from a line of unwed children.

Well- my dad cheated on my mom- reconciled- marriage stinks<p>My mother in law cheated on my father in law- then he returned the "favor" then he did it again about 3 years ago- reconciled- hahaha- yeah- what a joke<p>My sister cheated on my brother in law- reconciled- but I have ALOT of reason to believe that given a little "motivation"- my brother in law would "exact his revenge"....<p>My H cheated on me- and I am divorcing him....No questions asked- nothing- nada- he wanted out- he gets his freedom....<p>I can't see how spending the rest of my life looking over my shoulder is any way to live for either of us. Nor do I see anyone around me who has ever really changed- OR reconciled to "take the relationship" to the next level...That's too much work for everyone I've seen go thru this- so within a few months/years...the old patterns are right back in play.<p>And I'm hoping to "break the cycle" of infidelity so that my sons, 12 & 9 and my daughter, 4 don't end up in this losing game [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I don't come from divorce- and I have alot of friends that do- I know it hurts- but I'm sorry- living with cheating, lying spouse/father/mother hurts worse [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>TLFM

My parents and WS parents have both been married over 35 years. WS sister has been divorced once. WS is headed that direction too. My bother is not married and her brother is happily married. <p>Have your friend attend some pre-marriage seminars before walking down the isle. If I ever think about walking down the isle again, I'll definitely look into some kind of seminars. I hear they teach basic coping, negotiation skills along with presenting/discussing some of the challenges married life can bring about.

My friend is very confused right now.<p>She loves the guy, but doesn't see him as "the one" or anything like that. It's more like, he's a good person, he's kind to her child, he wants to get married and she wants to have another baby.<p>For the first 6-9 mos of the relationship she was nuts and treated him like hell. And he stayed. so she figures that marrying him is the least she can do. Plus if he put up with all of that then she knows he'll be able to stick out a life long commitment.<p>Thats NUTS as far as i'm concerned!

Both H and I come from intact homes - but both of our parents marriages have infidelity. Interestingly enough - both sides of the family are in denial about their own marriage issues.<p>So H and I are a HUGE improvement by acknowledging the problem and dealing with it.

Katie,<p>I agree, that is nuts! She doesn't owe him her life! Gosh, I hope she thinks about this a little more...not that they can't be happy together but I think some counseling is in order.
Of course, everyone's needs are different.<p>Me? My parents separated and my mom filed for d but died before it was final. Dad cheated constantly on her, cheated on the wife after her (who was the OW when he was married to my mom) and then the 2nd wife cheated and left him! Karma stinks! He married for the third time a couple years before he died and as far as I know was faithful to her. I'm on my second marriage-faithful to first H--screwed this one up with A.
My sis has been married three times (b4 she was 21!) and has always been faithful to her hubs.<p>I make no sense of it all.

IT's always interesing to me to find out about the family history of others. Thanks you guys!<p>3 husbands before 21 [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] What, was she putting poison in their food!?<p>My dad's 5th wife divorced him about 6-7 years ago. He cheated on ALL of them. There was one weekend (when we were kids)that he picked us up for visitation, took us to see 2 of his other girfriends and then went home to his fiance (his boss' wife).<p>My friend who is thinking about getting married IS a therapist. How's THAT for crazy!

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Katie Scarlett:
<strong>My friend is very confused right now.<p>She loves the guy, but doesn't see him as "the one" or anything like that. It's more like, he's a good person, he's kind to her child, he wants to get married and she wants to have another baby.<p>For the first 6-9 mos of the relationship she was nuts and treated him like hell. And he stayed. so she figures that marrying him is the least she can do. Plus if he put up with all of that then she knows he'll be able to stick out a life long commitment.<p>Thats NUTS as far as i'm concerned!</strong><hr></blockquote><p>
I agree it's nuts. You can tell alot about how things could potentially turn out later by taking the current little interactions and problems and magnifying it. <p>It's likely she has a guy who doesn't feel he deserves better than that- what does that say of his self esteem, motivation, and desire for his future? It is also likely that given some kind of a problem (which there is always something) that she would end up treating him like crap again when she was resentful of him for something- and, is that the kind of relationship she wants? They both sound like they need to work on themselves and their dynamics before they should consider marriage.<p>Now guys like that can and often are great guys and totally the marriage type- (but not always), and the combo of one controlling and one passive person has worked and lasted before- but it gets ugly without love. <p>One thing is for sure- without serious desire to change and learning how to have better dynamics, and especially love between the two of them marriage will not majically make their relationship better- if anything it will strain it more.

Oh yea- and I meant to answer the original question too. <p>I and my spouse are both from families with no history of divorce- except among a couple of his brothers.<p>His mom and dad were married over 50 years before he just recently passed away- and my folks have been married for 34 years.<p>His Dad did cheat on his Mom one time long before my H was born- they had reconciled, and from what I saw and was apparent it never happened again- in fact he took care of her (she had a lot of medical trouble) right up until the last few months of his life when he was too ill to even help himself.

Hi Katie,<p> Good topic! MY parents were married for 45 years until my father's death and had a wonderful, fun relationship (even with 7kids)....My father was the "salt of the earth", truly.My H's parents were together until the father's death and had a more"cranky" relationship but never any infidelity involved (as far as we know).<p>Let's hear more about your family. Your Dad had 5 wives?.... yikes.How have your other siblings turned out? How did your mother deal with her D? Did she ever remarry? Was she bitter because of your Dad? NO WONDER you don't have much regard for marriage.....LU<p> [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Katie Scarlett:
<strong><p>For the first 6-9 mos of the relationship she was nuts and treated him like hell. And he stayed. so she figures that marrying him is the least she can do. Plus if he put up with all of that then she knows he'll be able to stick out a life long commitment.<p>Thats NUTS as far as i'm concerned!</strong><hr></blockquote><p>sheesh, that's not only nuts, that's cruel. She is marrying him, not because she truly loves him, but because she thinks he's a good catch and would be repaying his tolerance of her cruelty. He deserves a little better than that. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

As I type I am planning my parents 40th party, WH parents 42 years.<p>My B divorced, dated for 5 years married less then 3, not sure but think she had an EA.<p>H, B divorced 2 times, S sperated BIL cheated won't sign papers. Other two siblings married, but shacky.<p>OW parents married 40 + years but none of her 8 siblings have made it work and all have numerous grandchildern out of wedlock.<p>Thought that I was doing this right!! What did I know?<p>Dawn

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Lu:
<strong>
Let's hear more about your family. Your Dad had 5 wives?.... yikes.How have your other siblings turned out? How did your mother deal with her D? Did she ever remarry? Was she bitter because of your Dad? NO WONDER you don't have much regard for marriage.....LU<p> [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] </strong><hr></blockquote><p>Let's see. My mom was my dad's first wife. They dated for like 2-3 years and were married for 4-5. He began an EA 3 mos into the marriage. After 3 years of marriage by dad's 20 year old girlfriend got pregnant. My mom fought like hell for the marriage, offered to adopt the oc and everything, but he married TOW. Mom never remarried. Although she did have a 14 year relationship with another man.<p>Dad stayed married to step mom #1 for like 8-9 years. She is my favorite of all of the step mothers. We are in touch and she came and stayed a week with me last year. Dad cheated on her and was very emotionally abusive. She got tired of his sh*t, took her 2 kids and moved out while he was at work one day. She then filed for divorce. He was devastated.<p>By then he was dating the woman who would become his 4th wife, but he married another woman first. That woman got pregnant (not his baby-he'd had a vectomy (sp?)) so he had that marriage annulled.<p>Then he married step mom #4 (his boss' wife). They were married for a while, she followed him to California then divorced him shortly after. <p>Lastly, he married a very nice woman 20 years his senior. She was very sweet (if subserviant) but got tired of him and files for divorce.<p>THEN, he began to try and court my mom again. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] Needless to say, she wasn't impressed.<p>I have 1 whole sister (both parents same as me), 1 half sister (we share a father-she was oc), 1 half brother (share dad), 1 non sister (step mom #1's child from her second marriage). We all agree that my dad is crazy and really don't have much to do with him. He's sick now and is looking for a good woman to take care of him. LOL!!!<p>My brother just married a really sweet girl in May. Everyone else is single.